The Fellowship of the Gundam
by MomsDarkSecret
Summary: The G-boys invade the Lord of the Rings and the world is a better place for it. But maybe not Middle Earth. But we’ll fix it all in the Silmarillion. You read that, right? Right? COMPLETED!
1. We're Off Again

This story is number nine in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: **Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table; Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail;** **The** **Magicians of Gundam Wing;** **Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest**; **Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder**; **Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus, Gundam Wing in the Wild, Wild West** and **Gundam Wing goes to Hogwarts**. If you read this story without reading the others first, it might not make a lot of sense. But hey, jumping in cold turkey might be fun!

**Disclaimer**: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation, as are Alexa, Hadeya and Jett. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

**Additional Disclaimer:** All the characters from The Lord of the Rings were created by J.R.R. Tolkien and produced by various publishers.

**Warnings**: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for "decent" behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

**Addendum**: This is my second cross-over with the boys and, after the rollicking success of the first one, I think this one should be pretty fun. Of course, this will be a three-part cross-over, of which this is the first, to match the novels.

**I was just thinking:** When I was young, I used to think naked guys looked kind of funny. Now that I'm older, I've realized that I was just looking at the wrong naked guys.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: **We're Off Again**

"Treize," Zechs said with exaggerated patience, "do you mind not sticking your hands down my pants while we're in public?"

"We're not in public." Treize indicated the grape vines stretching in all directions. "No one's here."

"So you've forgotten about the observation cameras mounted in the dome."

"If someone wants to go to all the trouble to zoom in on us, they're welcome to watch." Treize nuzzled Zechs' neck. "Besides, I hardly got to touch you at all last night. Why did you have to give Alexa such an interesting book to read right before bedtime?"

"I didn't expect her to start reading it right then! And anyway, it's not my fault she kept barging in to read us interesting passages." Zechs smiled. "Personally, I am rather proud of how well she reads."

"So am I, but I really wanted you last night."

"Well, you certainly don't get to have me right here." Zechs pulled Treize's hands out of his trousers. "So quit fondling me."

"Dang it!" Treize pouted.

"Hey guys!" Duo drove carefully between the vines in a small electric cart with a small trailer bouncing along behind. "Since Treize isn't getting any, you want a lift back to the winery?"

"Would you quit eavesdropping on our private conversations?" Zechs complained.

"I wasn't!" Duo protested. "It's just you're the only people nearby so it's kind of hard to avoid your thoughts." He lifted his eyebrows at Treize. "Yours are pretty graphic."

"Behave." Treize nodded at the cart. "How do you expect to get us both back in that?"

"One of you can ride in the trailer."

Zechs immediately plopped into the other seat in the little cart. He blinked innocently at Treize.

"Great," Treize muttered. He climbed into the trailer with his ankles crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. "Watch the corners."

"Right." Duo engaged the engine and they trundled off. At the end of the row, a narrow paved road divided the rows of vines. Duo made a careful right turn and picked up speed. "There were some people picnicking in the park by the winery earlier, but they left a little while ago."

"Tourists or locals?" Treize asked eagerly.

"Locals, I think."

"Too bad. We need tourists to come out for wine tastings to establish our brand name with Earth-based connoisseurs."

"You really think our wine is that good?"

"Yes!" Treize warmed to his subject. "Most of the grape stocks on Earth have been cross-bred multiple times. Many of the ancient stocks were lost to disease and growers had to cross-breed what was left in order to strengthen them. The vines we brought back with us from our foray into the past are original stock. The flavors we get in our wines haven't been tasted for hundreds of years." He rubbed his hands gleefully. "I fully intend to make Mars the wine capital of the Solar System."

They pulled up in front of the winery to find Heero waiting for them.

"Hey, Heero!" Duo greeted him cheerfully. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Heero crossed his arms with a scowl. "Treize asked me to come out."

"Indeed I did." Treize climbed out of the trailer. "Can you ask your sprites to check for parasites on the vines and remove them? Mars is a closed ecosystem, so any pathogens introduced from off-planet could be fatal."

"So don't allow off-worlders into the dome," Heero said.

"But alas, that's the only way to drum up business."

Heero wrinkled his nose. "Very well." He looked around and almost immediately, a little green head popped up from behind the trailer. "You! Do you understand what Treize is talking about?"

The sprite nodded. "The tall man doesn't want life-stealing creatures on his plants."

"Yeah. So go do it. Make sure you check all the plants."

The little creature grinned. "Yes, Man with Many Faces!" It disappeared with a giggle.

"Why do they still call you that?" Duo wondered idly. "You haven't used your armband in a long time."

"What good would it do? Either Roku sniffs me out or the sprites just cancel it out."

"And Relena hasn't found a good excuse to come to Mars yet, anyway."

"Don't mention that name."

"But wouldn't you like to introduce her to Hadeya?"

"That's not funny."

"But that face you're making is."

"I'm gonna smack you."

"Enough foreplay, Duo," Zechs said. "It's time to go home."

Duo just grinned.

Back in their own dome, they found Alexa sitting on the front step of the Gundam pilots' house, her electronic book-reader balanced on her knees.

"Still reading that book, Alexa?" Treize chuckled.

"It's really good!" Alexa said. "I'm almost finished."

"I just gave it to you yesterday!" Zechs exclaimed. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Were you reading during class?"

Alexa blinked sheepishly. "Not all the time."

Zechs sighed. "Do I need to remind you that I had to spend half-an-hour last month explaining to your teacher how wonderful it is that you love reading, and that I'm sure you are paying attention in class when it's appropriate?"

"I wouldn't read in class if she wasn't so boring," Alexa groused. "Uncle Wu-Fei is a better teacher."

Zechs scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm not having this conversation about you not attending the local school again, Alexa."

"Jett doesn't have to go."

"Jett blew out all the windows of her pre-school!"

"So?"

"So the elementary school begged us not to enroll her!"

"We get a tax refund for that," Duo pointed out helpfully.

Zechs glared at him. "You only have one more year in the elementary school, Alexa, and then you can go to the high school in the main dome. So please stop reading in class."

"Ok." Alexa stuck her lower lip out in an adorable little pout.

Treize promptly picked her up and kissed her cheek. "Want to help me make dinner? You can mash up the garlic."

"Yay!"

"Later, guys." Treize carried Alexa off toward their house. Zechs followed, shaking his head.

Duo and Heero entered their home. Trowa and Quatre were in the kitchen making dinner.

"Where is everyone?" Duo inquired.

"Wu-Fei went to the store with Jett to get some more oil. He started shedding again," Quatre replied. "Roku and Hadeya aren't back from university yet."

"Wu-Fei's shedding again?" Duo scratched his head sympathetically. "But we haven't traveled anywhere for nearly a year!"

"Gift did say new dragons tend to shed about once a year," Trowa reminded him.

"But Wu-Fei's been part dragon for years now. You'd think he'd be out of the adolescent phase."

"Who are you calling an adolescent?" Wu-Fei grumbled as he came in the door, holding a small bag in one hand and Jett's hand with the other. "I think that stupid dragon just lied about the shedding so I wouldn't hack his stupid dragon head off!"

"A little touchy, isn't he?" Duo whispered to Heero.

"I'm not touchy!" Wu-Fei snapped.

Jett rolled her eyes and nodded vigorously.

"Would you like me to oil your scales, Wu-Fei?" Duo offered. "A soothing bath in oiled water is what you need. Then we'll scratch those wretched scales right off. How does that sound?"

Wu-Fei stuck his lower lip out, looking a lot like Alexa. "That might be ok."

Duo took his hand. "Come on. I'll take care of you. Poor fellow."

"It's just really itchy," Wu-Fei explained plaintively as Duo led him off down the hall.

Heero crossed his arms. "Isn't it a bit late for Roku and Hadeya to not be back yet? Maybe I should go look for them."

"They're in the train," Jett reported casually. She climbed onto a stool to watch Quatre cook.

"I'm sure they'll be here soon," Trowa said. "Why don't you set the table, Heero?"

Heero made a face, but he went to get plates out of the cupboard anyway.

They were just putting the food on the table when Hadeya and Roku came in.

"Perfect timing!" Roku said. He hurried to the table. "I'm starving."

"Hadeya, would you get Duo and Wu-Fei?" Quatre asked. "They're in the bathroom oiling Wu-Fei's scales."

"Umm…" Hadeya hesitated. "Don't they usually end up, well, being naughty when they do that?"

"Well if they are, you can just interrupt them," Quatre snorted. "I didn't make all this food so it can go to waste."

Jett and Roku eyed the table. "That's not a lot of food, Mama," Roku said. "Didn't you make extra for me and Jett?"

"Yeah, I'm really hungry, too," Jett added.

"There's plenty of food!" Quatre exclaimed loudly.

Trowa leaned toward the kids. "There's more on the stove," he murmured.

Hadeya returned with Duo and Wu-Fei. Wu-Fei looked very relaxed.

"They were just scratching," Hadeya said.

"It felt great," Wu-Fei purred.

Duo patted his arm. "We'll do more later."

Everyone sat down to eat. After tucking away a significant quantity of mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, and several slices of roast, Roku smiled at Quatre.

"Mama, is it alright if I teach a class at the university?"

"What?!" Quatre spewed mashed potatoes across the table.

"Professor Muldaur is retiring and he recommended me to teach his medieval history class. He says I know more about it than he does."

"That's probably true," Duo muttered.

"You're twelve!" Quatre exclaimed.

"Well, he's technically more like six," Trowa pointed out.

"Like that makes it any better?!" Quatre glared at Trowa briefly before looking back at Roku. "What about your studies? Is he unaware that you're a student there?"

"Well… About that…" Roku looked sheepish. "They're kind of pushing me to graduate because you remember when I took all those tests earlier this year because they sounded kind of fun? Well, apparently I passed them all with really high marks that were pretty much the highest marks anyone has ever gotten and it turns out that those tests covered pretty much every subject the university feels you need to know in order to get a basic degree, and since I also took specialty tests in languages, engineering, the sciences and history, they said they should probably just give me degrees in all those subjects and make me leave. But I kind of like going there, so can I teach a class or two instead?"

Quatre put a hand over his face. "You've already learned everything?"

"Probably not everything," Roku said quite reasonably.

"But close enough that they've asked a twelve year old to teach a class."

"They don't want to have to try to get someone to relocate from Earth or one of the colonies," Roku explained. "It's expensive."

"Well that certainly makes it sound so much more reasonable," Quatre muttered sarcastically.

"I think it's cool," Duo said. "Roku is really smart and he did a good job tutoring those students in Wu-Fei's class at Hogwarts."

"What's true," Wu-Fei said. He beamed proudly at Roku. "Roku was my best student and I am sure he would make an excellent instructor."

"Can I be in Roku's class?" Jett piped up.

"Not yet, sweetie," Duo said. "You're still in elementary school."

"But I don't go to the local school," Jett said with a pout. "Why can't I go to Roku's school?"

"You can go when you're older," Heero cut in. He gave Jett a stern look. "You have to finish studying with Papa Wu-Fei first. If you hadn't caused trouble at pre-school, you could be going to school with Alexa right now."

"It wasn't my fault!" Jett protested. "That stupid boy bit me!"

"Shrieking the windows out was an overreaction."

"But they told me I couldn't bite or hit back," Jett complained. "So I screamed him over. I didn't know the windows would break." She made a face. "They shouldn't make windows out of glass in buildings where little kids play."

"She has a good point," Trowa said.

"Don't encourage her," Heero replied.

"Anyway," Roku continued, "it wouldn't be until the start of the next term. So is that ok?"

"Oh, why not?" Quatre waved a hand. "What's wrong with having my pre-teen child teaching classes at university?"

Roku grinned. "Thanks, Mama."

Alexa burst in the front door with only the scantest of what might be considered a knock preceding her. "Guess what? Daddy says he thinks we should go on vacation! Can we, Uncle Quatre? Can we?"

Quatre blinked at Treize. "I thought you said the vineyard was reaching a critical stage in its development."

"It is," Treize said, "but it's not like we're ever gone for long, locally speaking."

"The end of the school year is coming up," Trowa noted.

"And Wu-Fei's already shedding," Heero remarked, "so it's not like his hormone balance could get any more screwed up."

"It's not hormones!"

"It _is_ Alexa's turn to pick the vacation," Roku reminded everyone.

"Very well," Quatre folded his napkin and set it aside. "Where would you like to go, if we did go somewhere?"

"Here!" Alexa held out her book-reader. "Mommy gave me this really great book, only it's three books that make up one story, plus a whole other book that's like a prequel! It's really good and I really like it and I really, really want to go there and see it!"

Quatre smiled. "And it's called…"

"Oh!" Alexa giggled. "The Lord of the Rings."

"Oh, I know that book!" Roku exclaimed. "It is really good. I'd like to go there, too."

"I've heard of it," Wu-Fei said. "It's quite an old text, but was considered a literary masterpiece at the time." He scratched unconsciously. "A trip there might be quite educational."

"And dangerous?" Heero asked hopefully.

"Oh yes!" Alexa nodded vigorously. "There's sword fighting and monsters and all kinds of chances to get killed."

Heero perked up. "That sounds pretty good."

Zechs shook his head. "I wish you had stopped at educational."

"Travel into another book, eh?" Quatre rubbed his chin. "It did work out rather well the last time. But I think it will be mentally better for all of us if we plan to be gone for a few weeks rather than just overnight. So we probably shouldn't go until after school is out. Treize, that will give you time to train somebody to manage the vineyard in your absence."

"I was just planning to use sprites."

"What?!" Heero jumped to his feet.

"They're nature spirits, aren't they? They like looking after things and they'll do whatever Heero says, for the most part. I bet they would be glad to manage the vineyard for us for a couple of weeks."

"It would keep them out of trouble," Trowa said. "There has been an upswing in mechanical problems lately. They're probably bored."

"And the rest of the maintenance is automatic," Treize concluded. "The grapes won't be ready for picking for weeks yet. I've got time."

"So now the truth comes out," Duo chuckled. "Treize is bored."

"Why can't he just screw Zechs when he's bored like a normal person?" Wu-Fei demanded. "I'm not sure I want to make a reality-zone change. It's worse than a time-zone change."

"Daddy screws Mommy all the time," Alexa said. "I want to go on vacation!"

"Alexa!" Zechs blushed furiously. "That is not a ladylike thing to say!"

"It's the truth!"

"I think we should be able to go on a vacation," Quatre interrupted. "Let's plan it for right after the end of the school term."

"Yay!" Alexa jumped up and down and clapped her hands, dropping her book-reader in the process.

Treize retrieved it from the floor. "Someone better be sure not to read in class, however," he said.

Alexa stopped in mid-jump and grinned. "Right!"

"I'll talk to Noin," Zechs said, attempting to recover some composure. "I'm sure she won't mind, since it's been quite a while since our last vacation."

"I think I'd better have a look at this book," Quatre said. "I'll need to have a pretty good idea of where we're going when I cast the spell." He smiled at Alexa. "But you'll have to decide where you want to jump in. Do you want to start right from the beginning?"

"No, the beginning skips a bunch of years and I don't want to hang around for that," Alexa replied. "And there's this really creepy guy named Tom that the Hobbits run into in the woods right after they set out that I think I'd rather not meet. So we can jump in right after that."

"Alright." Quatre stood up. "That's it, then. We're going on vacation at the end of term. Everyone start planning appropriately so that we have coverage at work. And Wu-Fei, make sure you shove lots of jars of oil and a few extra bottles of allergies pills into Roku's storage space."

Wu-Fei sneezed, setting his napkin on fire. "Do I have to go?"

"Yes." Quatre casually poured water over Wu-Fei's flaming napkin. "It sounds like this will be a really long vacation and Jett does not get to skip out on that much class time. She needs her instructor."

"Oh, fine!"

So a few weeks later in the late afternoon, the gang was all packed up and doing their last minute inventory, with Sally and Noin watching.

"This isn't going to be dangerous, is it?" Noin demanded. "I thought you guys were finally settling down."

"We are settled down, Noin," Zechs said. "We're just going on a little vacation, that's all."

"But you haven't said where."

"Oh, uh, it's just a quick jaunt into, um, medieval times. It's research for Roku's new course at the university," Zechs finished brightly.

Noin scowled at him. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

She pointed at the sword on his hip. "Then why do you need swords?"

"It's medieval times. Swords were commonplace and denoted a person of breeding."

Noin flung up her hands.

"You worry too much, Noin," Sally chuckled. "You know they wouldn't take their children anyplace dangerous." She smiled at Zechs. "Would you?"

"Of course not," Zechs replied with his most beautiful smile.

Noin pointed accusingly. "That's the smile I don't trust!"

Sally breathed a dreamy sigh. "But it is beautiful, isn't it? I really must say I don't mind being lied to so prettily."

Zechs kissed her cheek. "You're sweet, Sally. Look after things while we're gone."

"As always."

"Are we ready?" Quatre said. He looked around, counting everybody. "Roku, do you have everybody's things?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Ok. Sally, Noin, you should step outside." As soon as the two women were outside the door, Quatre took out his spell book. "Alright. We're joining the Lord of the Rings in progress where the Hobbits are lost on the Barrow Downs. Just to be safe, everyone hold onto each other. Here we go." He opened the book and read the spell from the page. It was a long spell. When he finished reading, the world shifted and went dark. Well, not completely dark: sort of a soft and muted dark, like a really heavy fog on an overcast evening.

"Man, it's wet!" Duo complained.

"It's foggy," Wu-Fei amended and then sneezed mightily, shooting a thin jet of bright yellow fire past Duo's ear.

"Hey!"

"Sorry. The wet makes my nose itch."

"Is everyone here?" Quatre said. "I can't see everyone. Sound off." One by one, everyone spoke up. "Good, we all made it. Stay close together."

Wu-Fei sneezed again and Hadeya yelped.

"Quatre, can't you do anything about this fog?" Trowa asked. "Wu-Fei's going to fry us all at this rate."

"I'm sorry!" Wu-Fei rubbed his nose. "I can't help it!"

"No one's blaming you, Fei," Duo said soothingly.

"It's getting really cold, Mommy," Alexa said. She huddled against Zechs' leg. Jett was clinging to Duo, despite the possibility of getting singed by one of Wu-Fei's sneezes.

"I think the wind is picking up as well," Treize said.

"Why do we always get dropped into the middle of shitty weather?" Heero grumbled.

The cold breeze whipped around them, but did nothing to dissipate the dense fog.

"I hear something!" Roku said. "It sounded like someone crying for help."

Quatre held up his hand and produced a big ball of brilliant white light, pushing back the darkness and making everyone visible. "Lead the way, Roku!"

Roku slipped into tiger form and raced off. Zechs scooped up Alexa and Duo grabbed Jett, and everyone dashed after Roku. A frightened cry echoed from somewhere ahead of them.

Roku looked over his shoulder. "Hurry! They're moving away from us!" He picked up speed, bounding over the ground in giants leaps. But each time his paws hit the ground, they left pools of glowing light.

"Clever boy!" Quatre cried. "He's leaving a trail!"

They raced along the trail of glowing paw prints until they caught up with Roku standing in front of a stone doorway leading into the side of a hill, his tail completely bristled out and his ears down. Heero and Wu-Fei came up on either side of him, their swords drawn.

"What is it, Roku?" Heero said, all business now that there might be something to fight.

"It smells dead, but not all dead." He snuffed air out of his nose. "I don't like it. It's not a clean dead smell like something just killed, or a rotting dead smell like something killed a while ago, or a moldy dead smell like something buried for a long time that just got dug up, or the dusty dead smell of something that's just bones and hair." He sniffed again. "But there are live people in there, too. Four of them."

"Ok." Heero glanced at Wu-Fei. "Let's go make this not-all-dead thing completely dead, shall we?"

Wu-Fei nodded sharply. "My thought exactly."

They charged through the doorway. Roku galloped in after them.

"We'd better stay out here," Duo said to Zechs. Jett was clinging to his neck with round eyes. "It reminds me of the cave full of ghouls we ran into when we were on the quest for the Holy Grail."

"Would that be the cave where you nearly got my baby killed?" Quatre asked pointedly.

Duo flinched. "I had him protected every second!"

Trowa looked up at the unseen sky. "What about the weather, Quatre? Can you fix it? This wind is really cutting through the girls cloaks."

"Yes, yes!" Quatre waved a hand irritably at the sky. Almost immediately, the wind slowed to a fitful breeze, tearing the fog to shreds and revealing a sky full of stars. "Trowa, why don't you and Treize give Heero and Wu-Fei a hand? I'm sure they've killed everything that needs killing by now, but they might need help with the living."

"Right." Trowa and Treize trotted into the hill. Inside, at the end of a narrow tunnel, a sickly blue light illuminated the interior of the barrow. Four small bodies dressed in white robes were laid out side by side. Roku stood over them, snarling fiercely at a thin, bony, half-seen figure that Heero and Wu-Fei had backed into a corner.

"You haven't killed it yet," Treize remarked.

"Well, it's already dead, so stabbing it isn't having much effect," Heero snapped.

"So hack it to bits."

"We tried that. It just reassembles itself. It's really annoying."

"Well, hack it to bits again and we'll help you carry the Hobbits outside."

"Stupid thing!" Heero raised his sword and hacked off the creature's skull. It bounced off the wall and rolled into another corner. Then he methodically hacked the arms off the still standing torso before kicking it over and hacking off the legs. "There. That will hold it for a few minutes. Let's get them out of here."

They each grabbed one of the small Hobbit bodies and jogged back out of the barrow, with Roku bringing up the rear.

"We should get away from here before we tend them," Zechs suggested.

"I agree," said Quatre. "Roku, find us someplace well away from all these barrows."

Roku led them across the downs until they came to a large hill. He trotted up to the top. "There are no barrows near here."

"Good." Quatre held his hand over the ground and made a fire. It burned merrily, shedding lots of heat and brightening the area.

"That's nice," Duo said. He put Jett down next to the fire. "The cold was really starting to bug me."

"I still find the lack of fuel disconcerting," Treize admitted. "But the heat is definitely welcome." He settled his little burden by the fire. "Are these really adult creatures? They're very small."

"Yes!" Alexa said, brimming with enthusiasm. "They're all grown-ups." She leaned over one of the Hobbits. "I hope they're ok."

"They should wake up in the morning," Quatre said. "I think they're under a spell. Better to let them sleep it off. Why don't we just camp here? The sooner we get into the local time zone, the better. We can make some food and go to sleep."

"Food sounds good," Duo said. "I'll cook. Roku, let's see what comestibles you've got tucked away."


	2. The Barrow Downs

Chapter 2: **The Barrow Downs**

Treize shaded his eyes against the brightness of the rising sun. "It's pretty nice today. Not what I would have expected after that fog last night."

"It was a magical fog," Roku said matter-of-factly.

Alexa leaned over the hobbits. "Are they ever going to wake up? The sun's been up forever!"

Zechs glanced at the horizon, where the sun's disk had just cleared the distant trees. "Perhaps you should give them just a few more minutes, sweetheart."

Just then, one of the hobbits began to stir.

"Oh, look!" Alexa exclaimed excitedly. She scrunched down and stared directly into the hobbit's face from centimeters away.

The hobbit stirred again, moaned and opened his eyes. He blinked once and then with a start, he scrambled backward on his elbows and heels, escaping from Alexa's intent stare. "What?! Who are you?!"

"I'm Alexa!"

"A… Alexa?" The hobbit stared around in confusion. "But there was a cave or something… And a bony arm with a sword." He sat up and groaned, holding his head.

"What's your name?" Alexa asked.

"Frodo," the hobbit gasped. "Frodo Baggins." Then his eyes went wide. "I mean Underhill! My name's Underhill!"

"I think it's a little late for the subterfuge, Mr. Baggins," Trowa said. "And you and your friends are safe outside of the barrow."

Frodo finally noticed his three unconscious companions. "Oh! Are they all right?" He scrambled toward one of hobbits. "Sam! Wake up!"

Sam stirred and sat up with a groan. "What happened, Mr. Frodo? We got separated in that nasty fog and there was some sort of evil creature…" Then he saw the Gundam pilots and yelped in surprise. "Who are they? What's happened, Mr. Frodo?"

"You're quite safe, Sam," Quatre said reassuringly. "We rescued you from the barrow."

"My gaffer said I shouldn't trust big folk," Sam said without any trace of insult in his tone. "We little folk need to look after ourselves."

"Well, you've done a fine job of it so far," Heero snapped. "How long have you been wandering about the countryside? Two days? Three?"

Sam blinked and then his brow wrinkled as he figured out that he was being insulted, or at least made fun of. "We can manage fine enough, thank you," he said stiffly. "We've been traveling days already."

"Days? Well, imagine that."

"Heero," Wu-Fei admonished. "Quit teasing." He inclined his head to Sam. "Just where are you headed?"

"To Bree," Frodo answered for him. "We're meeting someone in Bree."

"We'll escort you there," Wu-Fei offered. "Is it far?"

"I don't think so." Frodo rubbed his forehead and winced. "Do you have any water?"

Alexa immediately handed him a skin of water. "What happened to your clothes?"

Frodo stared down at himself and his cheeks turned scarlet. "Where are my clothes?!"

At his exclamation, Sam looked down and discovered that he also was wearing nothing but a simple white shift, belted at the waist with a piece of knotted cord. "My trousers!" he squeaked.

Heero rolled his eyes.

"They must still be in the barrow," Trowa said.

"We could go back for them," Quatre said. "I'm sure Roku knows where it is."

"Um hm. It's that way." Roku sat up and pointed with one paw.

For the first time the two hobbits noticed the tiger, which easily weighed as much as all four hobbits together, despite their rather portly appearance. Sam's mouth fell open and he edged slowly in front of Frodo, even though his legs were shaking.

"Don't worry, Mr. Frodo!" Sam rasped. "I'll protect you!"

Heero opened his mouth to say something but Wu-Fei clouted him before he could speak.

"We don't need any more of your snide remarks," Wu-Fei said. "Don't worry about Roku, Sam. He doesn't eat people, even little ones."

Sam swallowed.

"But the creature talked!" Frodo exclaimed.

"So?" Wu-Fei shrugged. "Don't you have giant talking eagles in this world?"

Frodo blinked. "Oh! Yes, I guess that's so." He moved out from behind Sam and bowed politely to Roku. "How do you do?"

"Very well, thank you," Roku replied. "My name is Roku Winner, but you can call me Roku."

"It's very nice to meet you, Roku," Frodo replied. "This is Samwise Gamgee, my gardener."

Sam bowed. Now that introductions were being made, the normalcy of it all seemed to have calmed his fears.

Roku stood up and shook out his fur. "I'll go back to the barrow and get your stuff while you eat breakfast."

"But how will you carry it?" Sam asked curiously.

"I'll manage."

"Why don't I go with you?" Duo said. He was holding a sausage rolled up in a piece of bread in either hand.

"No grave-robbing!" Quatre said sternly.

Duo blinked innocently. "I was just going to look around. I didn't get to go in last night, you'll recall."

"I repeat…" Quatre reiterated and he glared at Duo.

"Alright! Alright!" Duo waved one of the sausages. "I'll just poke around a little and help Roku find everything. We won't be long." He handed the sausage to Roku, who gulped it down in a single bite, and the two of them trotted down the hill.

"He's so robbing that grave," Trowa remarked.

"Totally," Heero agreed.

Quatre put a hand over his face.

A startled yelp made them all turn around. The other two hobbits were now sitting up, clinging to each other and staring around the hilltop in surprise. A few feet away, Jett and Alexa knelt with suspiciously innocent looks on their faces.

"Alexa, what did you do?" Zechs demanded.

"Nothing!"

"Really?"

"Honest!"

"We were just checking to see if they were awake yet," Jett said.

"Checking how?"

"With this." Jett held up a twig.

Zechs sighed. "You poked them with a stick?"

"Just him." Jett pointed at the smaller of the two hobbits. "He woke up the other guy."

"I'm not surprised."

"Merry! Pippin!" Frodo cried. "You're alright! I'm so relieved!" He hurried to the other two hobbits and pulled them to their feet, apparently to check for hidden damage. He turned them this way and that to inspect them, brushing off bits of grass and other detritus.

The hobbit addressed as Merry slapped his hands away. "Stop that! I'm fine!"

The other hobbit giggled. "You know he's ticklish, Frodo."

"I am not either ticklish, Pippin!" Merry protested angrily.

Alexa and Jett exchanged a look. Then they hopped to their feet, marched over and promptly tickled Merry's sides.

"Oy! Stop that!" Merry shrieked. He squirmed away, his face alternating between alarm and a goofy half-grin.

"Girls…" Zechs said admonishingly.

With amused grins, Jett and Alexa backed off.

Merry struggled to regain his dignity. "What happened to us, Frodo?" he asked. "After we got separated in the fog, I thought we were done for."

"These people rescued us." Frodo indicated the Gundam pilots. "Someone's gone back to get our things."

"I note he does not elaborate on who went," Treize murmured to Zechs.

"Perhaps that's wisest until after they are more recovered," Zechs replied.

"Are those sausages I smell?" Pippin piped up. He craned his neck, looking hopefully at the fire.

"Indeed they are," Quatre replied. "You must be hungry after your ordeal."

"I'm starving!" Pippin exclaimed. "It must be days since we last ate!"

"More likely hours," Quatre said. "You were just attacked yesterday."

"Yesterday?!" Pippin yelped. "But that fog came up in the middle of the afternoon! We've missed at least two meals! Maybe three! And snacks!"

"He sounds like Duo," Heero muttered.

"Well, why don't you come have some sausages and toast?" Quatre suggested. "As soon as our friends get back with your clothes and other belongings, we'll head out for Bree."

"You know where we're going?" Merry said. He stared at Frodo.

"I told them," Frodo admitted. "I think it will be all right."

"I'm sure it's fine," Pippin said heartily. He was already stuffing his face with sausages and toast. "Look, there's cheese, too!"

Merry, Frodo and Sam rolled their eyes, but they joined him by the fire.

Back among the barrows, Duo and Roku stood outside a dark, gaping hole leading into the side of a large barrow.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Duo asked.

"Yeah. It's the only one open."

"Smell anything?"

"Not really. I don't think the whatever-it-was is still in there. Maybe leaving the entrance open wasn't good for it."

"Huh." Duo stepped into the opening. "Let's check it out. Can you make a light?"

"Sure." A ball of bright yellow light appeared in the air above and ahead of Duo. The pair proceeded into the tunnel and as they made their way along, additional balls of light appeared.

"I like that!" Duo declared. "It's much better than walking along in a pool of light surrounded by darkness."

"That's what I thought," Roku said.

They walked all the way into the barrow, where the narrow entranceway widened abruptly into a good-size round cave. Six more balls of light appeared around the perimeter, bathing the chamber in a brilliant glow that banished every trace of shadow.

"Oh, that's nice," Duo said. "That'll make searching much easier." His eyes widened. "There's a lot of stuff."

"I smell the hobbits' things over here," Roku said. He trotted over to the right. "This looks like their clothes and packs."

"Very good. I see a few things over there I want to check out while you collect that stuff."

"Remember what Mama said."

"Yeah, yeah."

When Roku was finished putting everything that smelled like a hobbit into his storage space, he trotted over to see what Duo was doing. "Why have you piled up all those little swords, Papa Duo?"

"They're just the right size for hobbits, don't you think?" Duo said. "It never hurts to be armed."

"You sound like Papa Heero."

"He's got a few solid ideas."

"They mostly involve blowing stuff up, I heard."

"Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes a good explosion is called for." He picked four of the nicest swords out of the pile. "Put these in your storage space, too."

"Okay."

"Now then, anything else in here we might need?" Duo studiously did not look at the small pile of jewel encrusted rings and necklaces at his feet.

Roku just blinked at him.

Duo broke down. "We can take these, too, can't we? It's just a couple of things."

"Papa…"

"Please?"

"I'll tell."

Duo picked up a gold ring with a deep blue opal stone surrounded by glittering diamond chips. "I'll give this to Quatre. He likes blue. It matches his eyes."

"I don't think Mama will fall for that."

"Let's try."

"Okay," Roku said doubtfully. "It's your hide."

Duo winced. "You don't think he'd skin me, do you?"

"He did turn you into a woman."

"But that wasn't painful. Getting flayed would hurt."

"So leave the jewelry here."

"But it's really pretty!"

Roku rolled his eyes. "That's not much of a reason." He began picking up the jewelry and tossing the pieces over his shoulder, where they disappeared.

"You're a good kid, Roku."

"I'm still telling."

They left the barrow and trotted back to the others.

"Did you find their things?" Quatre asked.

"Yes, Mama." Roku started pulling things out of his storage space. The hobbits' eyes widened as they watched.

"Where is he getting all that?" Merry asked, sounding faintly alarmed.

"It's kind of hard to explain," Trowa said.

"My trousers!" Sam squeaked. He snatched up the garment and immediately jammed his feet into the legs. But his feet got tangled in the folds and he fell over backward, treating everyone to a good view of his tiny privates and the pale twin moons of his buttocks.

Alexa and Jett giggled.

"Perhaps you should put on your underwear first," Wu-Fei said dryly.

"Oh!" Sam turned bright red and struggled to pull his little shift down over his butt.

Frodo, blinking rapidly and with his lips pressed together tightly, picked up a pair of patched and well-worn underpants and handed them to Sam. "Here you are, Sam." His voice shook slightly as he struggled not to laugh.

Sam grabbed his underpants, snatched up a few more articles of clothing, and hurried down the side of the hill. As soon as he was out of sight, everyone burst out laughing, including the other hobbits.

"Sam's so proper!" Pippin howled. "He'll never live down flaunting his privates, especially in front of girls!" He saluted Alexa and Jett with his toast. The girls broke into fresh gales of giggles.

"You'd better not tease him," Frodo said sternly. He shook a finger at Pippin. "You'll hurt his feelings."

"And I won't stop him if he decides to whack you," Merry added. "Don't forget he's bigger than you."

"You say that like I'm short or something!" Pippin said with a slight frown. "I'm just as tall as you."

"No you're not," Merry said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You're inches shorter."

"I am not!" Pippin popped to his feet, stretching up to make himself look taller.

"He is taller than Jett," Heero noted.

"But Alexa's got a few centimeters on him," Duo put in.

"What?!" Pippin squeaked, even though he couldn't possibly know what a centimeter was.

"His voice is higher, too."

"It is not!" Pippin exclaimed, managing to hit an even higher squeaky note.

"I can do better than that," Jett declared and promptly uttered a high-pitched squeak that had everyone slapping their hands over their ears.

"Stop that, Jett!" Duo scolded. "You'll rupture somebody's eardrums."

"Sorry."

"Why don't the rest of you get dressed?" Quatre suggested. The three hobbits gathered up their clothes and went over the side of the hill in the direction Sam had gone. After they were gone, Quatre noticed the swords. "What are these?"

"I thought the hobbits should be armed," Duo said.

Heero nodded appreciatively. "Good idea."

But Quatre squinted suspiciously at Duo. "What else did you take?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cough it up, Roku," Quatre ordered. "What else did Duo have you steal?"

Duo quickly dug into his pocket. "It was just a couple of rings. I brought this for you." He held out the opal ring.

Quatre scowled at the ring, but then his expression softened into pleasant surprise. "That's quite pretty."

"It matches your eyes."

A small smile touched Quatre's lips. "Do you think so?"

"Quit sweet-talking him," Trowa grumbled.

Quatre took the ring and slipped it on a finger. "It fits!" He smiled happily.

"It looks really good on you," Duo said.

"I can't believe he's falling for this," Roku muttered.

"It's more than just a couple of rings, isn't it?" Wu-Fei asked Roku quietly.

"Yup."

But Quatre no longer seemed to care. He showed the ring to Zechs. "It's really pretty, isn't it?"

"It's lovely," Zechs agreed. "And it does match your eyes. It's been a long time since anyone gave me a piece of jewelry."

There was no accusation in his voice at all, but Treize winced. He sidled closer to Duo. "You've got a few more goodies like that, I trust," he inquired quietly.

Duo nodded slightly. "I've got just the thing. I'll show you later."

Treize patted his shoulder. "Good man."

The hobbits came back up the hill, now properly dressed in pants that stopped just above their ankles, shirts with three-quarter length sleeves, brightly colored vests and long flowing cloaks. Sam immediately hurried to their pile of packs and started going through them, muttering to himself as he made sure everything was there.

"We should get moving," Frodo said. "I'm not sure we can make it to Bree before nightfall even if we hurry."

Jett pointed at his feet. "Where are your shoes?"

"Hobbits don't wear shoes," Frodo replied with a kind smile. He held up his foot so Jett could see the hairy bottom. "We get better traction in our bare feet."

Jett blinked at Duo. "Mommy, can I go barefoot, too?"

"No, your feet are too tender to hike through open country without shoes."

"No fair!" Jett pouted.

"Change shape," Roku suggested. "Then you don't have to wear shoes."

Jett brightened immediately. "Okay!" She squinted in concentration and quickly shifted into the shape of a black panther kitten, which meant she was about the size of a hobbit.

"What the hell?!" Pippin squeaked. He scurried behind Merry. "What happened to her?!"

Merry started sidling toward the pile of little swords. "What is that thing?"

Duo sighed. "Jett, warn a body next time. You freaked the hobbits out."

"Sorry!" Jett purred.

"Perhaps we should have mentioned," Quatre said, "that some of us have unusual abilities. You'll get used to it. Shall we go?"

"Uh…" Frodo blinked several times. "I guess so." He looked off into the distance, shading his eyes against the sun. "I think we need to go that way. Do you see where it looks like there's a gate into the forest?"

"Yes, I see it," Quatre replied. He snapped his fingers and the fire went out as completely as if it hadn't burned for weeks. "Lead the way, Frodo."

Pippin walked very close to Merry as the party set out, his eyes flicking with alarm and suspicion from person to person. "Do you think this will be all right, Merry? These people are really strange," he whispered.

"There isn't much we can do," Merry whispered back. "We're outnumbered and they're bigger." He rested his hand on the hilt of the little sword belted around his waist. "We'll just have to stay on our toes."

"I like the tall one," Heero remarked to Duo. "He's got some sense."

Merry looked startled at being overheard, but he straightened and smiled slightly at being referred to as the tall one.


	3. Bree

Chapter 3: **Bree**

"I like these woods," Trowa remarked. "It reminds me of Sherwood Forest."

"You're right," Treize agreed. "It is rather similar. I hear lots of wildlife. What are they saying?"

"Well," Trowa cocked his head slightly. "The birds are mostly discussing the weather, of course. There are quite a few rabbits and they're discussing how noisy the birds are and whether or not anyone can smell a fox. The mice are mostly panicking over the fact that our shadows resemble hawk shadows and maybe they shouldn't be looking for food right now. There's a vole in a burrow over that way who wishes everyone would just shut up because he's trying to sleep."

"There is a fox," Roku said. "She's hiding because she's worried about me and Jett."

Jett padded along happily beside the trail. "Look! I'm leaving big prints!"

"Those are pretty big," Duo agreed.

Quatre sighed. "She's just like Roku. Jett, must you walk through every body of water we pass?"

"It feels funny when mud squishes between my toes!"

"You found mud?" Roku exclaimed. He trotted over to where Jett was.

"You're just looking for an excuse to need a bath later," Quatre accused.

"Who, us?" Roku said innocently.

"It's Wu-Fei's turn to bathe the kids," Heero said quickly.

"What?!"

"I did it last!" Duo added hastily.

"And I did it the time before that," Trowa added equally hastily.

"What a minute!" Frodo interrupted. He stared at Trowa. "Do you mean to say you can tell what animals are saying?"

"Yes, I can speak to animals."

"That's amazing!" Pippin exclaimed. "How did you learn to do that?"

"I was given the ability as a gift."

"Incredible!"

Merry frowned. "But if you can talk to animals, do you still eat them?"

"Of course. Most animals know that they're food for someone. They don't take it personally."

"That doesn't seem right somehow," Merry said.

"I'm not saying they want to get eaten," Trowa said. "I just mean that they understand that that's what carnivores do. For example, if Roku here decided to eat you, I'm sure you'd understand it was just because he was hungry, not because he had something against you."

Pippin stared in alarm at Roku. "I thought you said he didn't eat people."

"I was just speaking hypothetically."

Pippin continued to watch Roku nervously. He edged behind Merry. "I'm kind of skinny," he said. "Merry here is a lot chunkier than I am."

"I am not!"

"See?" Pippin pinched up a roll of fat on Merry's side. "Plenty of tasty fat right here."

"Stop that!" Merry slapped Pippin's hand away. "I'm just a little out of condition! I'm not fat!"

"And he'll giggle while you eat him. He's that ticklish."

"I am NOT ticklish!" Merry declared loudly. He stamped away ahead of the group, his nose stuck up angrily into the air.

"He's a little sensitive about that, isn't he?" Zechs remarked.

"Just a bit," Sam acknowledged with a grin.

Alexa appeared unexpectedly at Pippin's side, where she pinched up an equally large roll of fat from his side. "I don't know," she said speculatively, "all you hobbits look pretty chubby to me."

"That's just skin!" Pippin exclaimed quickly. "I dropped quite a lot of weight recently when I was sick."

"Skin? Really?" Alexa experimentally rolled the captured flesh between her fingers. "It feels like fat."

"Well, it's not!" Pippin's eyes whipped around to see if Roku was watching.

He was.

Pippin's eyes got wide.

Roku rocked forward on his paws.

"What the…!" Pippin began and Roku charged him with a loud roar. He knocked Pippin over, pinned him to the ground, and proceeded to slobber all over his face with big, wet, rough-tongued tiger kisses. "Help! I'm being eaten! Save me! Merry! Frodo! Sam!"

But after a moment of surprise, Frodo and Sam burst out laughing.

"Quit making such a racket, Pippin!" Sam choked out. "You're perfectly fine!"

"But he's licking my face off! Help!"

"That's enough, Roku," Quatre said with a chuckle.

Roku bounced off Pippin after a final swipe. Pippin sat up and put both hands on his face, obviously expecting the skin to be gone. "That… That wasn't funny!" he cried, but Frodo and Sam were still doubled over with laughter. A little ways up the trail, Merry was slapping his knee and laughing loudly.

"Roku has a warped sense of humor," Duo said. He caught Pippin by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "You'll get used to it."

Pippin fished a handkerchief out of a pocket and wiped the tiger spit off his face.

Roku nudged up against his shoulder with a loud purr. "You can ride on my back if you want." Pippin blinked at him. "Get on."

Pippin swallowed and looked around. Not wanting to appear a coward, he grasped a handful of fur and scrambled onto Roku's back. His feet did not come close to the ground. Roku broke into a trot and Pippin grinned. "This isn't so bad," he said.

"At least someone gets to ride," Heero grumbled. "We should bring horses next time."

"And where are we supposed to keep horses on Mars?" Quatre asked pointedly.

"Roku's storage space."

"We are not storing live animals in Roku's storage space between vacations just so you don't have to walk."

Heero muttered something under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing," Heero said.

"Better watch yourself," Duo whispered. "It's been awhile since he turned anyone into a woman. He might be itching to pull the trigger again."

"Did you say something, Duo?"

"Nothing, Quatre! Say, the sunlight's really bringing out the sparkle in your new ring. It really matches your eyes, now."

"I'm not falling for that again."

"It was worth a shot."

"I smell a town," Roku announced. "Sorry, Papa Wu-Fei, but it smells like we're back in an age of open sewers."

Wu-Fei reflexively put a hand over his nose. "Is it bad?"

"I can smell it from here," Roku said. "We probably won't reach the town until nightfall."

Wu-Fei turned a little green. "That can't be good."

"I think it smells kind of interesting," Jett piped up. "People and animals and mud all jumbled up."

"There's an appetizing image," Zechs murmured.

"I don't know," Treize murmured back. "Sometimes wrestling in the mud can be fun."

Zechs lifted an eyebrow at him. "Wrestling with whom, one wonders."

Treize put his lips close to Zechs' ear. "Blue-eyed blonds look good streaked with mud. They look even better when one is washing it off."

"Indeed?" Zechs purred. "You want to get me dirty just so you can wash me?"

"We could just pretend you were dirty and get straight to the washing."

"Naughty boy."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

By this time, the bright red flush on Sam's face, which had started on the tops of his ears, had spread all the way down his neck. He was blinking rapidly and staring straight ahead.

"What's the matter with Sam?" Alexa asked. "His face has gone all red."

"Oh, it's nothing," Frodo said. "Sam's just a little innocent, that's all."

Alexa blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Frodo leaned closer and lowered his voice. "He's embarrassed by the gentlemen's conversation."

"Oh!" Alexa exclaimed. "You mean my mommy and daddy flirting with each other? They do that all the time."

Now it was Frodo's turn to blink in confusion. "Your mommy and daddy? But it's two gentlemen."

"I know. It's kind of unusual but the blond man is my mommy. He's really handsome."

"Uh, yeah," Frodo fumbled. "Very handsome. Um… If you don't mind my asking, how did you come to have a man for a mother?"

"Uncle Quatre used magic." She leaned closer and lowered her voice. "I'm glad because otherwise I wouldn't be here, but honestly, Uncle Quatre probably shouldn't be making babies and sticking them into men's tummies."

"Uh… Um… Probably not," Frodo agreed. He stared with round eyes at Quatre. "He must be a very powerful sorcerer."

"He is," Alexa said with a nod. "But Roku's more powerful. We're not actually sure if Roku has limits. We kind of think he doesn't."

"Unlimited power?" Unconsciously, Frodo rested his hand on the pocket of his vest. He frowned. "That's not good."

"Well, normally it wouldn't be," Alexa agreed, "but Roku's such a sweetheart we're not worried about it. You shouldn't worry either. Is it really going to take us until nightfall to get to Bree?"

Frodo blinked at the change of subject. "Probably. But speaking of sorcerers: we're supposed to meet Gandalf the Gray there. He's a very powerful sorcerer and he's supposed to help us get to Rivendell, where the elves are."

"We saw some elves already!" Sam spoke up excitedly. "Woodland elves going to the Gray Havens. They were a sight to see, I'll tell you. So tall and beautiful. It was almost like they weren't real." Suddenly, Sam squinted at Zechs. "In fact, you remind me a little bit of an elf, Mister… ah…"

"Zechs," Zechs said smoothly. "Just call me Zechs. And I'll take that as a compliment, Sam."

Sam flushed again and ducked his head.

The long walk to Bree gave everyone a chance to get acquainted. Pippin regaled them with his favorite drinking songs and Duo returned the favor by singing songs they'd learned on the Quest for the Holy Grail. By the time the sun was sinking into the west, casting long shadows ahead of them, the smell of wood smoke and roasting meat was plain to everyone's nose. Pippin was no longer riding Roku, but walking alongside Merry and Trowa.

"I'm starving!" Pippin announced. "And a mug of ale would be good right now."

"I second that," Merry said.

"You and Jett better switch, Roku," Quatre advised.

"Ok, Mama." In a shimmer of blue light, Roku and Jett reappeared in human form.

"I think there's mud inside my shoes," Jett said.

"I'm not surprised," Heero said. "You've walked through ever mud puddle between here and the barrow downs." He patted her head. "I'm sure Papa Wu-Fei will get you clean."

Wu-Fei scrubbed a hand over his face.

They arrived at the wide gate to Bree to find it already closed for the evening.

"How inhospitable," Treize remarked. He rapped on the gate.

A window popped open and an old man stuck his face out. "Who goes there?"

"We go here," Treize replied. "We seek lodging for the night."

The old man glared suspiciously. "There're quite a lot of you. What's your business?"

"Well," Treize said, "I could say it was searching for bothersome old men to slice up for goblin bait, but I would be lying. In fact, we are simply escorting these excellent hobbits to… What did you say was the name of that inn, Frodo?"

"The Prancing Pony," Frodo said.

"Just so," Treize continued with a smile. "We're planning to eat, drink and sleep at the Prancing Pony and not cause any trouble for anyone."

"Well," the old man frowned and rubbed his chin, still trying to digest the goblin remark, "I guess that's alright then." He unlatched the gate and let them in. "As long as you're not looking for trouble."

"If that's all it takes to get into places," Heero said, "I could be running this world in a week."

"But why would you want to?" Wu-Fei groaned. "Do you suppose anyone in this town pisses anywhere except in the gutter?"

"I'm sure all the proper ladies piss indoors," Zechs said.

"And then dump it in the gutter," Duo concluded.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Buck up, Fei." Duo patted his back sympathetically. "I'm sure you'll get used to it."

"I don't want to get used to it!"

"There's the inn!" Merry called out. He pointed at a painted sign of a pony rearing on its hind legs.

They piled into the inn and the innkeeper greeted them with surprise.

"Welcome, everyone! What a large crowd! And hobbits, too! What can I do for you?"

Frodo pushed importantly to the front. "My name's Underhill. We need rooms for the night."

"With dinner and ale!" Pippin and Merry chorused.

Frodo gave them a look. "And can you tell Gandalf the Gray that we've arrived?"

"Gandalf?" The innkeeper looked like he had just been asked to remember his anniversary, a date that he'd had trouble remembering since his marriage thirty-seven years before, despite the fact that his wife whacked him on the head every year for forgetting. Of course, she was always whacking him on the head, so that might be why he had trouble picking out his anniversary whacking from all the other whackings. But at any rate, he was clearly confused by the concept of knowing whether Gandalf the Gray was present to be advised of their coming, so he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Can't say I've seen Gandalf in months. When did you say he was arriving?"

Frodo turned to the others in dismay.

"What do we do now, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked worriedly.

Treize leaned across the counter and addressed the innkeeper. "Why don't we start with dinner and ale, and then move on to lodging?"

The innkeeper appeared to like that idea, since it did not involve remembering. "Right you are, sir. Come this way. I've a nice big table that will hold all of you and I'll be right out with the ale."

"That's what I like!" Duo said. "An innkeeper who starts with the ale."

"I want food!" Jett complained. "My tummy's growling!"

"Mine, too!" Alexa seconded.

"Well, now!" An older woman with gray-streaked hair pulled up into a loose bun paused and grinned down at the girls as she hurried by with a tray of mugs balanced on one hand. "I can't have such pretty little girls going hungry in my establishment. You there!" She reached out and whacked the innkeeper's head. "Fetch bowls of stew and a loaf of bread before you bring the ale. And get a pitcher of fresh milk for the children."

"Yes, dear," the innkeeper replied meekly. He scurried away, managing to look smaller than his wife, even though his round midsection was easily twice her girth.

"Have a seat," the innkeeper's wife told them cheerfully. "I'll bring your ale in just a moment." And she bustled off to deliver her cargo to another table.

The Gundam pilots and the hobbits sat down at the indicated table and soon were treated to an excellent meal of a thick stew full of vegetables and meat that had a high probability of being beef. Even Wu-Fei admitted it was good. And the fat loaves of finely ground wheat bread were fresh from the oven and still warm. Everyone ate their fill and had no complaints, except perhaps the kitchen staff who wondered why fifteen people would need forty-eight bowls of stew, twelve loaves of bread and an entire brick of butter.

But after they'd eaten, Pippin watched Duo contentedly quaffing his ale with a slight frown.

"Something bugging you, Pippin?" Duo asked.

"Well, yes," Pippin acknowledged. "It doesn't seem fair that you've got that great big mug for your ale and I've got this tiny little one."

"Your hand is too small to hold a pint," Duo noted.

"I could use both hands."

"You make a good point." Duo waved at the innkeeper. "Innkeeper! Another round! All pints this time, please!"

"Yes, sir! Right away, sir!" The innkeeper brought twelve pints to the table. "There you are. Drink up!"

Pippin lifted his pint with a grin. "Now that's a proper mug of ale." He proceeded to down the whole thing in one long pull.

Duo nodded appreciatively. "Nicely done, Pippin! That's the way a real man drinks."

"Oh, please!" Merry groaned. "He doesn't need encouragement. There's nothing wrong with taking two swallows to finish it." He proceeded to demonstrate.

Sam leaned toward Frodo. "You oughtn't to let them drink so much, Mr. Frodo," he whispered. "Their tongues will start to wag."

"It will be alright, Sam," Frodo whispered back.

Duo lifted his mug. "How about a toast to our new hobbit friends?"

"But I've drunk all mine," Pippin said mournfully.

Hadeya pushed his mug toward Pippin. "You can have mine."

"You're a true gentleman, sir!"

Wu-Fei shoved his mug in front of Merry. "I don't want mine either."

Merry licked his lips. "I wouldn't want to put you out."

"It's no bother, really."

Merry took the pint and lifted it. "To us!"

"To us!" Pippin echoed.

The pair tipped up their mugs and chugged the ale. The other adults, except for Wu-Fei and Hadeya, followed suit. Zechs finished his ale at the same time as all the others, but he managed to make it look like he was not chugging it.

"That calls for a song!" Pippin cried. He jumped up on the table and began to sing a wildly bawdy drinking song about the amusing and painful punishment that an adulterous hobbit suffered at the hands of his angry wife and the family goat.

"This song is completely inappropriate for Jett and Alexa," Zechs noted.

"It most certainly is," Treize agreed. "By the way, I assume you've noticed the highly suspicious character sitting over their in the corner smoking a pipe."

"Yes," Zechs said. "I've been debating whether or not I should take him outside and run him through just to be on the safe side. He's been watching Frodo. Sam's noticed him, too, I think."

"Let's just watch him for now," Treize said.

Pippin concluded his song by demonstrating the position in which the hapless adulterer ultimately found himself and Jett let out a shriek of laughter. Pippin was blown off the table into Frodo. Frodo let out a startled cry as he was bowled over backward off the bench. He cried out again when a sparkle of gold tumbled out of his vest pocket and started to roll across the floor.

"No!" Frodo cried. He dove across the floor, grabbed at something, and promptly disappeared.

"Well, that's awkward," Zechs murmured.

Fortunately, almost no one seemed to notice because they were all still rubbing their ears. Duo kept them distracted by launching into one of Sir Damodin's raunchier ballads.

Roku slipped off the bench and walked over to where the invisible Frodo was still lying on the floor. "You should probably get out of sight before you reappear, Frodo," he advised. "People tend to get excited when folks disappear and reappear unexpectedly."

"Keep a nose on him, Roku," Treize said. "Zechs and I are concerned about something."

"Ok."

At that moment, the suspicious character in the corner slid off his stool. He darted across the room surprisingly quickly just in time to grab the suddenly visible Frodo by the shoulder. "Come with me!" he whispered fiercely and started to drag Frodo off. He didn't get two steps before Treize and Zechs appeared on either side of him.

"I beg your pardon," Zechs said calmly, "but I would appreciate it if you unhanded our companion."

The man looked like he was going to protest, but then he just released Frodo's shoulder with a nod. "You should all come upstairs, then," he said gravely. "There is much you should know." He gave them a dark, portentous glare.

Treize nodded slightly. "Very well. Lead the way."

The man led Frodo, Treize and Zechs up a flight of stairs to a small, private room. Sam trailed after them, his eyes round with concern. Once inside, the man closed the door. "I know what you carry, Frodo, and you would do well to keep it better hidden."

"I carry nothing!" Frodo said hastily.

"That horse got out of the barn when you disappeared in the common room, Frodo," Zechs pointed out. He turned his attention to the mystery man. "Who are you?"

"My name is Aragorn, though most people call me Strider. I'm a Ranger." He bowed slightly. "Gandalf sent me to meet Frodo and take him to Rivendell."

"Where's Gandalf?!" Frodo exclaimed in alarm.

"I don't know," Aragorn said. "All I know is that I must get you safely to Rivendell without delay. You're being hunted by the Nazgul and should they catch you, your lives will become unending misery."

"What are Nazgul?!" Sam interrupted, trying to put a brave face on his fear.

Before Aragorn could answer, the door banged open and everyone else crowded in.

"See, this is where they are," Roku said.

"Who's this?" Heero glared suspiciously at Aragorn. "Trouble?"

"He's Aragorn," Zechs said. "He was just about to tell us that the hobbits are being hunted by something evil. These Nazgul are evil, I assume?"

"The very foulest evil," Aragorn said in a foreboding hiss. "They are undead creatures who will suck you into the dark abyss."

"Could you provide a more detailed description, please?" Treize said.

"They appear as riders dressed in black and they are drawn to the ring Frodo carries."

"Evil creatures on horseback," Heero grunted. "How come the evil creatures get to ride and we're on foot?"

"Don't start with that again," Quatre said. "Do you know where these creatures are, Aragorn?"

"They are close."

"That's helpful," Wu-Fei muttered.

"They will very likely attack tonight," Aragorn said. "We must hide here and in the morning depart for Rivendell."

"These quarters are a little cramped for all of us," Quatre said. "Roku and I will guard the hobbits with Aragorn. Jett and Alexa will stay with us. The rest of you should spread out through the inn and keep an eye on things. Take turns sleeping."

"Sounds like a plan." Heero slid back out the door, followed by Wu-Fei and Hadeya.

"Duo and I will guard the stairs," Trowa said.

"We'll watch the rear hallways," Treize said. He and Zechs followed Trowa and Duo out the door.

Quatre put his hands on his hips. "Aragorn, you and I will take the first watch. Everyone else should get some sleep."

The bed was just large enough to accommodate the four hobbits and the two little girls. Roku shifted back into a tiger and stretched out in front of the door, effectively blocking it closed.

Aragorn's eyes widened. "How is that possible?" he said. "What manner of magical creature are you?"

Roku lifted his head. "I can shape-shift," he said sleepily. "It's no big deal."

Aragorn blinked. "I see." He looked at Quatre. "Can you all do that?"

"Not all of us," Quatre said. "So what do you do, Aragorn?"

"I'm a Ranger. I travel the country and protect the world of men."

"I see." Quatre sat down. "That's kind of a vague job description."

"There is much evil in the world these days," Aragorn said, puffing his chest out slightly. "Protecting the free people of the world from subjugation and brutality is the highest honor."

"I can't argue with that." Quatre regarded Jett, who had removed her shoes to reveal mud-caked toes. He sighed. "That low-life Wu-Fei used a few measly ghouls as an excuse to get out of washing the kids," he grumbled. "Jett, stick your feet out." She complied and Quatre murmured a spell. Water appeared out of nowhere and dumped over her feet. "Roku, give her something to wipe her feet clean with."

Roku lazily reached under his left front leg and produced a towel. He flung it at Jett. She grinned as she cleaned the mud off her feet.

Aragorn watched this exchange with lifted eyebrows. "It seems wasteful to perform powerful magic for such mundane purposes."

"You can say that because you've never had to bathe these children," Quatre replied. "I'll use magic any day to get out of giving them a bath." He clapped his hands. "Alright! Everyone go to sleep. We'll need to get an early start in the morning and there's no telling how much of a ruckus this attack Aragorn expects will cause."

The hobbits piled onto the bed, and Jett and Alexa squeezed in amongst them. Aragorn sat in a chair by the lone narrow window and Quatre took the only remaining chair, which was next to the bed. He immediately leaned back and closed his eyes. Aragorn remained staunchly vigilant.

Sometime after midnight, Frodo sat up and looked around. Aragorn was still sitting by the window. "Something's not right," Frodo murmured.

"The Nazgul are here," Aragorn whispered back.

Frodo blinked in alarm and clutched his vest pocket. At that same instant, a horrifying shriek rent the air.

"No shrieking, Jett," Quatre mumbled without opening his eyes.

"That wasn't me," Jett said.

Quatre jumped up as another shriek made the window panes rattle. This shriek was followed by the clanging of swords, which lasted only seconds, and then silence fell. The silence lasted only moments though before there were more shrieks and the pounding of horses' hooves. There was a distant crashing sound, most likely the town gate being smashed down, and then silence again. By now, all the hobbits were sitting up, clinging to each other with round eyes.

The door opened and Treize stepped in with his sword in his hand. "It's over. They've made a run for it. That was kind of fun."

Duo followed him in. "Heero and the others have gone to make sure they've really left." He rubbed his head. "Those were some of the coldest thoughts I've ever felt. I still have chills."

"We were fortunate," Aragorn said. "But they will continue to follow us, so we will have to be careful. The Nazgul cannot be killed, only repelled."

"We'll keep that in mind," Quatre said. He turned to the hobbits. "You should try to go back to sleep. We'll move out at first light."

"After breakfast, I hope," Pippin said.

"Of course," Quatre said. "Although," he grinned at Alexa and Jett, "if we take the children out without feeding them, the resulting growling might scare off the Nazgul."

Duo shuddered. "I think," said he, "that an unfed Jett might be worse than the Nazgul."


	4. Weathertop

Chapter 4: **Weathertop**

In the morning, after a massive breakfast that had the innkeeper staring and his wife rubbing her hands with delight as she added up the bill, they purchased an even more massive quantity of supplies for the long walk to Rivendell.

"We'll need to get a pony to carry all this," Sam noted.

"We could just shove it in Roku's storage space," Duo said.

"We could," Quatre agreed, "but we've already got all the rest of our stuff in there. Let's just get the pony."

They found a man willing to part with his pony, but his manner had them all suspicious. His eyes gleamed as he extolled the virtues of a somewhat scrawny looking pony that stood half-asleep in his muddy pasture while his master assured them the pony was intelligent, well-fed and obedient.

"He's lying," Duo whispered to Quatre. "The pony bit him yesterday."

Trowa overheard. "Really?" His eyes lit up and he leaned on the pasture fence. "Hey, there," he said to the pony in standard horse. "Did you really bite him yesterday?"

The pony lifted his head and blinked at him. "Why, yes I did," the pony replied in a local horse dialect. "He's kind of an idiot, so he needs a nip every now and then just on principle."

Trowa chuckled. "Makes sense to me." He turned to the others. "We should buy this one. I think he'll work out."

"Very well," Aragorn said gravely. He handed over the coins the man had asked for in exchange for the pony.

"His name's Bill," the man said as he eagerly pocketed the coins. "Good luck." He opened the pasture gate and reached a little hesitantly for Bill's halter. Bill rolled his eyes and calmly plodded out through the gate.

Trowa grasped the halter lead. "Is your name really Bill?"

"No." Bill tossed his head up and down. "But my mother called me Swift as a Winter Stream, which I've always found a little embarrassing since I'm not fast at all. Bill is fine."

They took Bill back to the inn so they could load him down with their supplies and then they set out for Rivendell. On the way out of Bree, they passed through the remains of the smashed town gate.

"Those Nazgul were in a bit of a hurry," Heero remarked. "You'd think they weren't used to people fighting back."

"The Nazgul are terrifying," Aragorn said. "People usual cower in abject fear when they pass."

"Well, that's pointless," Heero replied. "If it's going to kill you anyway, you should always try to do some damage first."

Once outside Bree, Aragorn immediately left the road. "It will be harder for them to track us if we move across country. We Rangers know these lands like the back of our hands. I will not lead you astray." He marched ahead of the group, his back straight and his eyes alert.

"He's a little pompous," Zechs noted, "but his skills seem adequate enough."

"What we've seen of them," Treize replied.

"True," Zechs said. "We haven't seen him fight yet. But his sword looks well-used and he carries himself like a fighter. I am willing to accept for now that he probably knows what he's doing."

Once they were clear of plowed fields and groomed pastures, Roku turned back into a tiger.

"Can I be a kitty, too, Momma?" Jett asked Duo.

"No, you'll just get filthy," Duo said. He picked her up and put her on his shoulders. "You can ride up here for now. I'll make Papa Heero carry you when I get tired."

Jett gripped the top of his head. "Ok, but it's more fun getting muddy. When's lunch?"

"You just ate."

"I was just asking."

"I think it was a good question," Pippin whispered to Merry. "It'll be time for second breakfast in an hour."

"We cannot make frequent stops," Aragorn said. "We have a lot of ground to cover and not much time."

"But we can hardly walk all day on an empty stomach!" Pippin protested.

"You ate enough breakfast for three," Aragorn retorted without turning around. "I think you'll last."

"He doesn't know much about hobbits, does he?" Pippin grumbled.

"He'll learn," Merry said. He patted Pippin's shoulder. "Just don't think about it. Before you know it, we'll be stopping for lunch."

While all this talking was going on, Bill the pony was eyeing Roku with just a little bit of his whites showing. He whickered nervously and bumped Trowa, who was holding his lead rope, with his nose. "Excuse me, but you have a large predator in your midst."

"That's just Roku," Trowa said. "He's harmless. He's only a shape-changing sorcerer with the power to create or destroy the world."

"Ah." Bill chuckled. "That's all right, then. For a minute there, I thought he might be dangerous or something."

They had been walking for about an hour when they passed the ruins of a village.

"What happened here, Aragorn?" Treize asked.

"This was the village of Fontina. It was destroyed several hundred years ago during a battle."

After another hour of walking, they spotted the crumbled remains of a castle on a low rise.

"That castle looks pretty old," Duo remarked.

"Yes, that was the castle of Gruyere," Aragorn said. "It was destroyed several hundred years ago during a battle."

Barely fifteen minutes later they crossed a rutted track winding between shattered stone walls that led to a cluster of broken-down stone huts.

"Let me guess," Wu-Fei said. "That village was destroyed several hundred years ago during a battle."

"That's correct," Aragorn replied. "The village was called Edam."

"Wait a minute…" Duo muttered. "There's something familiar about all those names."

"It's just a coincidence," Quatre said.

"Well, it's making me hungry. We should stop for lunch."

So they did. The hobbits were very happy to prepare the meal, mainly because it ensured that a sufficient quantity of food was available and they got first crack at it.

Aragorn was unhappy that they stopped at all, though. "We should keep moving. It will not take the Nazgul long to get on our trail again."

"Roku will let us know when that happens," Quatre assured him. "His nose will pick them up while they're still an hour or two behind us."

"But they are not really living creatures," Aragorn protested. "How much scent will they have?"

Roku wiggled his whiskers. "Oh, they're pretty stinky, Mr. Aragorn," he said. "And anyway, I'll smell their horses. Their sweat is kind of peculiar. I don't think they're completely normal horses. Bill smells much better."

Bill tossed his head up and down.

"Bill says thank you," Trowa relayed.

"You're welcome," Roku said to Bill.

After lunch, which took far longer than Aragorn would have liked, they packed back up and set out again. At sunset, they made camp on the edge of a vast swamp, whose reeking fumes had Roku's eyes gleaming.

"If no one minds," Roku said eagerly, "I'll just go have a look around, make sure there's nothing dangerous in the swamp, that sort of thing." He was already sidling into the rank water.

Quatre just sighed. "Don't wander too far. Remember, you're our early warning system."

"Yes, Mama." And with that Roku bounded away, disappearing quickly into the reeds.

"I hope he's careful," Aragorn said with grave concern. "There are bottomless sinkholes and other dangers in the swamp."

"He'll be fine," Quatre replied. "I suspect he could just teleport out if he gets in trouble."

"Teleport?" Aragorn frowned at the unfamiliar word.

"Move by magic," Quatre clarified. "Anyway, let's set up camp and start some dinner."

But he really didn't need to say it, because the hobbits were way ahead of him. Merry and Pippin were busily unpacking the food, and Sam was already trying to start a fire with a few scraps of damp wood and some grass for kindling.

"I don't know if I can light this, Mr. Frodo," Sam grumbled in annoyance. "This wood is pretty wet."

"We'll get more firewood," Heero volunteered. He snagged Wu-Fei by the arm and pointed his chin at Hadeya. "You two can help."

"Yes, Father," Hadeya said obediently.

Wu-Fei just shrugged. The three of them floated off into the underbrush, making no noise at all.

Quatre leaned over Sam's little pile of wood and pointed a finger. "_Arefactum!_" A hiss of steam coiled out of the wood.

Sam's eyes went round. "Well, will you look at that?!" he exclaimed. "The wood's dry as a bone now! That's quite a neat trick, Mr. Quatre, sir."

"Thank you, Sam."

Over dinner, Aragorn discussed the path they would be following in the morning. "We will go through the swamp," he explained, "because that will shorten how much ground we must cover. It will also make it harder for the Nazgul to follow us. The swamp can be treacherous, but I know a safe path. We will not be able to make it all the way across in one day, but if we push hard, we can make it out the day after. By the next evening, we should reach an old citadel where I like to camp. Rivendell is just a few more days beyond that."

"What are the odds that we will get there before the Nazgul find us?" Treize asked.

"Not great," Aragorn replied. "The ring draws them. And they are not dumb creatures. They were once great men and clever. They will know where we are headed and may try to cut us off."

"Very well," Treize nodded and looked at Zechs. "We'll need an open country battle plan."

"Right," Zechs said. He looked speculatively at the hobbits. "We should teach them how to use their swords."

"Agreed," said Treize. He, too, looked speculatively at the hobbits.

Pippin shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not sure I can handle a sword, Merry," he murmured to his friend.

"I think I would like to learn," Merry murmured back.

"I wonder where Roku's got to," Trowa said. "He usually turns up when there's food."

"He's coming back," Jett reported around a mouthful of bread and sausage. She pointed. "He's that way."

Frodo blinked. "How does she know that?"

"Jett always knows where people she's close to are," Duo replied.

A moment later, Roku sauntered out of the swamp, licking his whiskers and looking rather pleased with himself.

Quatre glared at him suspiciously. "You've been eating something."

Roku flopped down on his side. His belly looked distended. "It was just lying there dead," he said. "Well, mostly dead anyway, so I ate it."

Quatre put a hand over his face.

Duo perked up. "What was it?"

"A small boar," Roku said, his eyes drifting closed. "It had gotten stuck in the mud."

"And you didn't share?!" Duo cried.

"It wasn't that big."

"You're a cruel tiger, Roku. I love pork!"

"You love anything that's dead enough to eat," Wu-Fei pointed out with a grimace.

"Well, yeah," Duo acknowledged, "but wild boar is particularly good."

"Ok, I'll share the next one," Roku promised, and he promptly fell asleep.

"So much for our early warning system," Heero grumbled. "I'll take first watch."

"I'll join you," Zechs said.

The two picked up their swords and drifted into the darkness.

In the morning, after a hearty breakfast intended to keep hobbits and children from whining too soon about more food, they plunged into the swamp. The path Aragorn took might have been safe, but it was most certainly not dry. They slogged through sticky mud that tried to pull off shoes and patches of water that were sometimes up past their knees.

"Don't worry about leeches," Aragorn assured them the first time he led them into a scum-covered pool. "This water is too cold for them."

"Oh, that's good to know," Pippin shivered. "I'd hate for the leeches to have trouble getting past my goose bumps."

Merry slapped his neck and stared at the smashed bug on his palm with a wrinkled nose. "So if it's too cold for leeches, why isn't it too cold for mosquitoes?"

"Those aren't mosquitoes," Wu-Fei said. "They're biting flies."

"What's the difference?" Sam grumbled. "They both suck blood." He slapped a fly off his cheek.

"Well," Wu-Fei said, slipping into teacher mode, "mosquitoes insert a proboscis under the skin to draw the blood, while biting flies tend to have sharp pincers that cut the skin open and then they lap the blood off the surface. Both methods can transmit infection."

"I think his question was rhetorical," Trowa remarked.

"Oh."

Frodo squinted at Quatre, who was walking a few paces in front of him. "How come the flies aren't biting you, Quatre?"

"I'm using a repellant spell," Quatre replied. "My skin is too fair for bug bites. The blotches make me unattractive."

Everyone stared at him.

Quatre blinked. "Perhaps I could extend the spell to encompass all of us."

"Ya think?" Duo muttered

Quatre murmured something under his breath and suddenly the flies began avoiding them.

"Oh, that's a relief!" Pippin exclaimed and he promptly tripped face first into the water.

Treize caught him by the shoulder and yanked him upright. "Watch your step, Pippin. Just because there are no leeches doesn't mean there aren't other things in the water you'd prefer not to get in your mouth."

Pippin sputtered and spat slime off his lips. "I think I've already discovered that."

They found a somewhat dry spot big enough to hold them all when it was time for lunch, but they didn't stay long. No one felt like sitting down, so they ate bread and cheese while clustered around Bill and then resumed walking. It became overcast in the afternoon, which made it rather gloomy, but it was still just starting to get dark when Aragorn called a halt. They had arrived at a small island that rose up out of the swamp far enough to provide a reasonably dry campground.

"We will spend the night here," Aragorn announced. "There isn't much wood, but we might be able to start a small fire."

"I have firewood," Roku said. He shifted back into human form so he could more easily pull the firewood out of his storage space.

"When did you get that?" Zechs asked.

"Yesterday, when I went exploring," Roku replied. "I figured we'd need it later. Oh, and I got this while I was exploring today." He grunted as he pulled a large dead boar from in back of his left leg.

"So that's why you wandered off for so long," Quatre said.

"Yeah. I smelled it, so I thought I would catch it for dinner. They're kind of mean, though. When it saw me, it decided to attack rather than run away. I had to trick it into a mud puddle so it would get stuck and I could kill it without getting gashed. See? It's got great big tusks."

Heero examined the beast with interest. "That would be fun to fight. Let me know if you smell another one, Roku."

"Ok."

"One normally hunts wild boar with spears if it's for sport," Treize said. "I used to do that on my estate on Earth."

"That's such an aristocratic pastime," Zechs teased.

Treize drew himself up. "I am an aristocrat," he said archly.

"And a very handsome one, too," Zechs purred.

Treize patted Zechs' cheek. "So are you."

"No flirting before dinner!" Alexa complained. "We've been walking all day and I'm starving!"

"Yes, dear."

Treize, Aragorn and Sam got together to dress the boar carcass, while everyone else worked on preparing the rest of their dinner.

"Fresh meat was a good idea," Trowa said. "It will stretch the rest of our supplies. We're going through them pretty fast."

"These hobbits eat as much as Roku," Wu-Fei said. "That's pretty impressive for their stature."

"Well, good food should be appreciated," Merry said.

"As often as possible!" Pippin added.

"Yeah!" Alexa and Jett cheered in agreement.

Wu-Fei just sighed and shook his head.

Once everyone had eaten and the cleaning up was done, Aragorn spoke. "There is nothing particularly that can harm us in this swamp except perhaps another boar," he said, "so everyone should sleep. Once we leave the swamp tomorrow, we will need to be especially vigilant." But as everyone else wrapped up in their blankets and settled down, Aragorn remained seated on a rotted log at the edge of camp, staring into the darkness.

Roku, once more in tiger form, sat next to him. "Aren't you going to sleep, too, Mr. Aragorn?"

"I need less sleep then most men," Aragorn said gravely.

"Oh. You looked like you were thinking about something."

"Ah." Aragorn stared off into the distance. "Sometimes, on evenings like this, I contemplate the bittersweet fate that awaits my heart. It is likely I shall never know the fulfillment of true love."

"In that case, you should just be naughty. Papa Duo says it's relaxing."

Aragorn stared. "I beg your pardon?"

"You could do it alone, but I'd recommend having a partner. It's more fun that way."

Aragorn's mouth worked silently for a moment. "Are you suggesting I engage in casual intimacy?"

"Yeah. You could do it with Papa Duo. He's always up for it and he'd let you go on top. But if you want to try it the other way, I'd suggest Hadeya. He's been trying to hold back lately, so he'd last a real long time."

"You're suggesting I engage in casual intimacy with a man?!" Aragorn rasped faintly.

"Of course! It's more natural that way." Roku settled onto his belly and stretched out his front paws, spreading the toes so his claws poked out. "If you do it with girls, there's a chance you'll make babies. Of course, we've made babies without involving girls, so it's not strictly necessary to do it with a girl to make a baby, but the odds are a lot higher that you will if you're naughty with a girl rather than a boy, so I'd say stick with boys just to be safe until you're really sure you want to make babies, although we could help you make a baby anyway if the person you want to raise a child with is another boy, so be sure to let us know if that ends up being the case."

Aragorn swallowed. His eyes looked a little wild. "Yes, of course, I'll keep that in mind," he said faintly.

"Well, I'm going to sleep, too. Goodnight, Mr. Aragorn."

Aragorn made a nearly inaudible response that was probably "goodnight, Roku."

In the morning, after a quick breakfast, the group moved out, with Aragorn once more in the lead.

Trowa studied Aragorn as they walked. "Didn't Aragorn get any sleep? He's acting a little odd."

"He just needs to get laid," Roku said.

"Well, he should say something," Duo said. "It's never a good idea to hold that in. He'll end up wanting to kill stuff all the time, like someone we know." He pointedly did not look at Heero.

Heero glared at him anyway. "Killing stuff that needs killing and getting laid are two independent activities."

Wu-Fei nodded in agreement.

"Are you married, Mr. Duo?" Sam asked curiously.

"Just to him." Duo hooked a thumb at Heero. "This one's my love slave." He draped an arm around Wu-Fei's shoulders.

"Get off!" Wu-Fei shoved him away.

Sam blushed furiously.

"I'm sure he's kidding, Sam," Frodo said.

The other pilots all shook their heads.

"But of course, I can never say no to a pretty bottom," Duo continued. "It's a curse."

"He's a curse, all right," Heero muttered.

"But you still love me," Duo said sweetly.

Heero rolled his eyes.

The eastern edge of the swamp ended gradually, with the marshy ground slowly becoming firmer and the pools of stagnant water less frequent. After a quick stop for lunch, Aragorn set a brisk pace across country that rolled up and down gently, with streams winding through the low places under weak, watery sunlight. Toward late afternoon, in the distance ahead of them, the jagged tops of a broken citadel perched on top of a sharp rise came into view.

"What's that, Aragorn?" Zechs asked.

"Our destination," Aragorn replied. "It's known as Weathertop. We will stop there for the night. It is more defensible than camping in the open. But we'll need to hurry if we are to reach it before nightfall."

It was getting dark by the time they toiled their way up the steep slope to a camping spot under the lip of the citadel.

"This is good," Treize said. "We have good lines of sight."

"Where does that staircase lead?" Zechs asked Aragorn. An old, well-worn flight of steps led into a crack at the rear of their perch.

"Into the citadel," Aragorn replied. "If we are attacked, we can retreat that way." He looked around. "I want to do some scouting. I shouldn't be too long." He started back down the slope.

Quatre glanced at Roku and the young tiger sauntered off after Aragorn without a word.

"Can we make food?" Jett asked plaintively.

"We shouldn't make a fire here," Treize said. "We're too exposed."

"Not even a small one?" Sam said. "We'd just need a minute or two to make some sausages. And maybe a little bacon. And perhaps some tomatoes."

"I can hide the fire, Treize," Quatre said.

Treize exchanged a look with Zechs and Zechs shrugged. "All right, but make it fast. The light will carry a lot farther than you think."

"I'll go down and check on Bill," Trowa said. "I'll let you know if I see the fire."

They were still eating later when a high-pitched shriek echoed through the air somewhere off to the east. It was followed almost immediately by a shriek from the south and another one from the west.

"Dammit!" Treize said. "We shouldn't have started that fire!"

"But the light didn't show!" Trowa said.

"It must have been the smell from the cooking," Zechs said. "There's no telling how sensitive the Nazgul's noses are. Roku would have smelled it, so perhaps they could, too."

"Well, it's too late now," Treize said. "Everyone up into the citadel!" They dashed up the staircase and entered the remains of a stone room that was open to the sky. Gaps in the walls, some with the remains of stone arches above them, showed where windows had once been. Treize pointed with his sword into one relatively intact corner. "I want all non-fighters over there. Hadeya, Duo, Trowa and Quatre: you're the guards. Zechs, Heero, Wu-Fei and I are taking point. I'm going to assume that Aragorn and Roku are on their way back." He held his sword at the ready and they waited.

The four hobbits, their eyes round with fear, stood just in front of Jett and Alexa, their swords clutched in shaking hands. They did not have to wait long. Within minutes, the Nazgul stepped silently out of the darkness, ghosting in through the openings in the walls. Treize immediately led the charge of the four on point and the fight was on. But the Nazgul seemed more intent on breaking through to get at the hobbits.

"Ugh!" Duo cried out. He dropped to one knee, clutching his head with one hand.

At the same time, Frodo gasped out a strangled "No!" and clutched at his vest pocket.

"Don't do that, Frodo!" Alexa called out, but it was too late.

Frodo put the ring on and disappeared. One of the Nazgul immediately darted past Duo and stabbed the empty air just to one side of Jett. Jett let out a shriek that sent stones tumbling down the shattered walls of the citadel and the Nazgul jumped back in surprise. Then Roku came bounding in and landed on a Nazgul's back with a fierce cry. Aragorn was right on his heels, a flaming brand in one hand and his sword in the other. The Nazgul under Roku slithered out from under his paws and fled, followed quickly by the others.

"Where's Frodo?" Sam cried.

"He's here," Roku said and as he spoke, Frodo reappeared, his face pale and blood oozing from a wound in his left shoulder.

Aragorn quickly dropped to one knee at his side. "He's been stabbed with a Morgul blade," he explained grimly. "Only Elvish medicine can heal this. We must get him to Rivendell!"

"But you said Rivendell was days from here!" Sam exclaimed.

"We'll hurry!" Aragorn said. He picked Frodo up. "Let's go."


	5. Rivendell

Chapter 5: **Rivendell**

"Why is Aragorn making such a fuss?" Duo complained. "Can't you just fix Frodo, Roku?"

"He's poisoned."

"Well, you can cure that right?"

"Maybe, but it's bad magic. He's turning kind of translucent, like he's phase-shifting, but I can't tell where he's shifting to. It feels creepy."

Duo blinked. "You think it's creepy?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"That's scary."

"I'm not omniscient, you know."

"But it didn't bother you to walk into Hel's lair and her place was chock full of dead people."

"But they were normal dead people. That's not scary."

"Now I'm getting creeped out."

The entire party was dashing along after Aragorn, who was racing along with Frodo slung over his shoulder.

"We must hurry!" Aragorn said. "I don't know how long Frodo can hold out. He's strong, but…"

"We've been running since before dawn, Aragorn," Treize said. He loped along easily, not even breathing hard. "We've only stopped once and it's getting too dark to see now. I think the hobbits are fading on us."

Saying that the hobbits were fading was a rather generous way to describe the state they were in. Sam, Merry and Pippin were reeling along, their forward progress more of a controlled and prolonged fall rather than running, since the desperate act of putting one foot in front of the other was the only thing that appeared to be keeping them from pitching onto their faces.

Aragorn slowed to a halt reluctantly. "We can rest for a few hours," he said, "but we should start moving again before midnight. The Nazgul are still following us."

Merry and Pippin immediately collapsed, but Sam staggered over to where Aragorn was lowering Frodo to the ground.

"Hang in there, Mr. Frodo," Sam said worriedly. He clasped Frodo's hand. "He feels so cold!"

Roku lay down next to Frodo and curled around him, so that Frodo was nestled tightly against his warm furry belly.

"Thank you!" Sam cuddled up next to them, still holding Frodo's hand.

"We may as well make a fire," Zechs said. "It's unlikely the Nazgul don't know exactly where we are anyway and we could all use the warmth, along with some hot food."

"I agree," Treize said.

When the fire flared up, lighting the area around them, Trowa blinked thoughtfully. "Those are rather odd statues."

Everyone looked up from what they were doing, which in Merry and Pippin's case was lying on their backs gasping for breath, to see what he was looking at.

"I say!" Pippin exclaimed between pants. "I know what those are! Frodo's uncle, Bilbo Baggins, used to tell a story about them. They're trolls who got caught in the sun and turned to stone."

"Really?" Trowa walked closer to examine them, along with Quatre and Wu-Fei. "Interesting." He rapped on the knee of one of the trolls. "I suppose I can understand the physiology of a living creature turning to stone, but why would their clothes also become stone?"

Wu-Fei rubbed his chin. "Maybe the conversion process bleeds out."

"But the clothing material would be different from the flesh," Quatre pointed out. "Even if the conversion process affected neighboring material, I wouldn't expect the cloth to necessarily become stone."

"Good point," Wu-Fei nodded, "but some of that looks like animal skin."

"Ah, that's true."

"Should I turn them back?" Roku asked casually.

"NO!" Merry and Pippin shouted together.

"They eat people," Merry added in a more reasonable tone.

"That seems like a limited diet for this region," Wu-Fei said thoughtfully. "There aren't a lot of people in this area."

"I was thinking the same thing," said Quatre. "Those trolls look like they would need a lot more protein than the occasional traveler would provide."

"They have the teeth of an omnivore," Trowa said, pointing up into the gloom where the creatures' heads were half-hidden in shadow. "They probably ate anything they could get their hands on."

"Makes sense," Wu-Fei nodded in agreement.

Merry put a hand over his face. "I didn't mean that they just ate people," he said. "I meant that they would eat people if given the chance."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that if people are the best food available," Duo said.

Everyone stared at him.

"I'm just saying," Duo added quickly, "that in the absence of other, more appropriate food sources, the occasional dead person can always be pressed into service as a meal. If they're dead before you eat them, they usually don't mind."

"Duo!" Wu-Fei groaned. "Please quit nauseating everyone with your perverse ideas of what constitutes food."

"People are a good source of readily digestible protein," Treize said, "but in decent societies, we tend to frown on consuming our own kind."

Duo grinned. "I didn't grow up in decent society."

"We know!" the other Gundam pilots exclaimed in unison.

"Anyway," Duo continued. "I wasn't necessarily advocating the eating of people. I was just saying we shouldn't judge trolls harshly just because they do."

"I'm sorry," Merry grumbled, "but I'm going to judge anyone who tries to eat me harshly."

Pippin nodded vigorously.

"Can't say I blame you," Zechs murmured. Then he smiled at Treize. "Although it depends on what part of me is getting eaten."

Treize grinned back.

Alexa rolled her eyes. "Here we go again! Can we eat before everyone starts talking smutty?"

"Of course, dear," Zechs replied affectionately.

A meal was quickly prepared and everyone, except for Frodo, who just lay there moaning faintly, got down to the serious business of eating. After that, most people settled down to sleep, but Aragorn, Heero, Wu-Fei and Hadeya kept watch. Quatre also sat up, muttering to himself and making small balls of light between his palms and squishing them down into little sparkling pebbles.

Trowa sat up on one elbow. "What are you doing, Quatre?"

"I'm trying to make a light bomb."

"A what?"

"A light bomb. It's a spell that will explode in a bright flash of light. I was thinking that since the Nazgul are sort of dead already, normal bombs may not affect them. But they don't seem to like light that much, so I thought a few booby-traps containing light bombs might put them off. But I'm having trouble making them small enough." He held up one of his shiny pebbles. "See? It's kind of big." He rolled it back and forth between his thumb and forefinger. "Oh, wait! I just thought of something." He muttered some more and squeezed the pebble between his fingertips. After a moment, the pebble shrank down to the size of a small pea. "There! What do you think of that?"

"It's pretty small," Trowa said. "What makes it explode?"

"Well, it should be pressure," Quatre said, "but I think they might be a little…" The tiny pebble in his hand abruptly burst in a brilliant flash of white light. "Unstable," he concluded.

Trowa rubbed his eyes. "I think I'm blind."

"Oh, nonsense." Quatre leaned over and tapped Trowa's forehead. "That better?"

Trowa blinked. "Much, thank you. That might not be the best spell to use."

"Possibly." Quatre picked up the handful of other pebbles he'd made. "Fire in the hole!" He flung the pebbles into the darkness and a series of flashes followed.

"What was that?!" Aragorn cried out.

"Nothing!" Quatre responded. "The light is harmless."

Surprisingly enough, everyone who was asleep slept through this without stirring.

"Go to sleep, Quatre," Heero grumbled out of the darkness outside the firelight. "I'm trying to keep watch here and it doesn't help when you destroy my night vision."

"Sorry." Quatre lay down next to Trowa. "I'm a little cold." He snuggled up close to Trowa's side.

"That's funny," Trowa whispered in his ear. "I thought you were a little blond."

"Don't make bad jokes when I'm trying to sleep," Quatre muttered.

Trowa chuckled. "Good night, Quatre."

Quiet descended on the group, but not long after midnight, Aragorn roused everyone. "We should get moving," he said.

"Lord!" Pippin groaned, rubbing his eyes with both fists. "I just closed my eyes."

"Me, too," Merry grumbled.

"How is Frodo?" Sam asked. He had spent the hours holding Frodo's hand. "He's still cold."

"He's as well as he can be," Aragorn said. "I gave him something for the poison, but it will only slow it down. Let's get moving."

They broke camp and set out at a brisk trot. To keep the pace, Duo carried Jett, Zechs carried Alexa, Treize carried Pippin, Trowa carried Merry and Hadeya carried Sam. Frodo was still draped over Aragorn's shoulder. Quatre led the pony Bill, leaving Heero and Wu-Fei free to guard their flanks. Roku, of course, ranged all around the group as they traveled, sometimes ahead of them and sometimes bringing up the rear.

They stopped at dawn to eat, but later, as it got on toward midday and the hobbits were mumbling that it ought to be time for another meal, Aragorn abruptly stopped, holding up his hand to signal the others. "I sense something," he said quietly.

Roku stepped up next to him. "I smell someone," he replied softly. "But he's not close by."

"But whatever I sense is close," Aragorn said. He handed Frodo to Wu-Fei. "Wait here." He jogged ahead with Roku beside him.

After a moment, Duo spoke up. "Roku says we can come ahead."

They walked forward and came out from under the trees onto the side of a rocky gorge with a swift-flowing stream foaming at the bottom. A stone bridge crossed the gorge and Aragorn was crouched down in the middle, examining something on the muddy flagstones.

"It's an elven jewel," Aragorn said, "but I don't understand why it's here." He picked it up and examined it more closely.

Roku suddenly charged off the bridge with a growl and bounded into the trees. Moments later, there was a shout of surprise and a crash.

"Roku's caught someone," Heero said and he raced off into the trees. The pair returned a moment later leading a disheveled but stunningly handsome blond man with pointed ears and bright green eyes.

Aragorn cried out in surprise. "Glorfindel! What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Glorfindel replied in a deep, silky voice. "Elrond foresaw your present difficulties and sent me to help."

"If he foresaw the present difficulties," Duo muttered, "why didn't he send help in time to keep Frodo from getting poisoned?"

"Maybe he didn't foresee that part," Trowa whispered back.

"That's mighty useless foreseeing," Duo replied. "And why just one guy? I thought Rivendell was loaded with elves."

Glorfindel inclined his head to Duo, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Because elves seldom leave the comfortable confines of the river canyons. Rivendell is a beautiful place. But I should get Frodo there as quickly as possible." He put his fingers to his lips and whistled. Almost immediately, a gray horse with a flowing white mane trotted out of the trees on the far side of the river. "I will take Frodo ahead and meet you there. Please hurry. The Nazgul are close behind you." Glorfindel mounted his horse and took Frodo from Wu-Fei. "If you run hard, you can be across the river and safe on lands controlled by Elrond before sunset. The Nazgul will not follow you there. See you soon!" He turned the horse back across the bridge and nudged it to a gallop.

Sam grasped Aragorn's sleeve. "Should we be letting him just take Mr. Frodo like that?"

"He'll be fine, Sam," Aragorn said. "Glorfindel is the most trustworthy elf alive, after Elrond. But we should take his advice and hurry."

They broke into a run again, with the same people carrying the same hobbits and children.

"Wait a minute!" Pippin exclaimed. "Weren't we supposed to eat lunch just then?"

"Would you rather eat or get slaughtered by Nazgul?" Treize said.

Pippin swallowed. "Maybe I can wait a few more hours."

"Good man."

Quatre handed Bill's lead to Trowa. "You guys keep moving. I'll scout behind us and see if I can find the Nazgul." He shimmered into the shape of a falcon and swooped away. The hobbits stared in surprise.

"He turned into a bird!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Yeah, he does that," Trowa said.

"We would get to Rivendell sooner if we could all turn into birds," Pippin said wistfully. "Then we could eat."

"Quatre says flying is a lot harder than it looks. Now might not be the best time to learn."

"Too bad."

The group did stop after an hour or so to wolf down some bread, cheese and cold sausages. Quatre returned while they were eating, dropping down out of the sky and shifting back to his own form as soon as he landed.

"The Nazgul are ahead of us," he announced. "They're trying to catch up with Glorfindel."

Aragorn paled. "Did you see a large river?" he asked quickly. "How close was Glorfindel to it?"

"I saw it," Quatre said, "and he's pretty close, but it's going to be tight. The Nazgul are right on his tail. But his horse runs nearly as fast as I can fly. I think he'll just make it. But it'll be past nightfall before we get there if we stop again, so I think we better push it."

"Right." Aragorn sprinted away at full speed.

"I'll go keep an eye on Glorfindel." Quatre changed back into a falcon and flew away.

"Damn, I wish I could do that!" Pippin muttered.

The rest of the party broke into a run, keeping pace with Aragorn easily. Roku galloped beside Aragorn for a while, but eventually he pulled ahead and took the lead.

"I didn't think tigers were sprinters, normally," Wu-Fei remarked.

"Roku's not a normal tiger," Duo replied.

"But even still," Wu-Fei continued, "he's fairly heavy-bodied. You would think he would start to experience muscle fatigue. He seems more tired after a heavy meal than he does right now."

"Well, eating can be exhausting."

"Only the way you do it."

It was getting close to sundown when Quatre reappeared above their heads, but he didn't land. He just banked over and flew along above them.

Duo squinted up at him. "Quatre says we're almost there. Glorfindel made it across the river and a sudden flood came down and washed the Nazgul away when they tried to cross after him. He says it looks like their horses might have been destroyed."

"That's good," Aragorn said. "Without their mounts, they will have to crawl back to Mordor. We should be safe from them for awhile."

The track they were following eventually came out of the trees onto the bank of a wide, shallow river whose waters were still turbulent and flecked with foam. On the far side, they could see Glorfindel sitting on the bank next to his horse, cradling Frodo in his lap.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried.

"He's ok," Duo said. "His thoughts are a bit cloudy, but he's not dead."

They forded the river without too much difficulty because the bottom was fairly sandy, giving them a mostly stable footing. On the far side, Sam immediately rushed to Frodo's side.

"Mr. Frodo! Are you all right?"

"He's alive," Glorfindel said, "if only just. I must ride ahead with him now. The sooner I get him into Elrond's care, the better. I waited only to ensure you could cross the river safely." He stood up, still holding Frodo, and remounted his horse. "There is a clearing just ahead where you can make camp. You should rest tonight. Elrond is aware you're here and his power will protect you in these lands. We will have beds, food and comfortable quarters awaiting you when you arrive tomorrow." And with that, he heeled his horse back to a gallop and disappeared up the path.

"Let's take his advice," Treize said. "I think everyone could use a good meal."

"We can eat everything we have!" Merry immediately piped up. "We'll be in Rivendell tomorrow and they'll have more food."

"That's an excellent idea!" Pippin agreed. "There's no point in wasting it."

"I hardly think it would be wasted," Wu-Fei said dryly.

But nevertheless, when they found the campsite Glorfindel mentioned, they set about preparing all the food remaining in Bill's pack, along with a few dozen items that Roku retrieved from his storage space. After that, everyone stretched out on the ground to sleep, and no one moved at all until the first streaks of morning sunlight leaked through the trees.

Trowa was the first to sit up and look around. Bill the pony stood on one side of the clearing munching on lush green grass. "How are you doing, Bill?" Trowa asked. "That was a rough bit of running yesterday."

Bill flicked his tail. "It was not as bad as pulling a loaded wagon uphill, but I wouldn't say no to some oats right now."

"We can probably get some in Rivendell."

"That would be nice."

Quatre sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Morning, Trowa."

"Good morning, Quatre." Trowa kissed him on the nose. "You look cute when you're rumpled."

"I always look cute."

"Not when you're spouting Latin and turning people into girls," Duo grumbled. He pushed up onto one elbow. "Why are you up so early? Can't you think less loud?"

"It's time to get up," Quatre said. "The sooner we get moving, the sooner we get to Rivendell, where there will be baths, real beds and better food."

Duo immediately sat up with a grin. "Ok, I'm up. I just needed a little motivation."

Everyone started waking up at that point; stretching, yawning and complaining about the hour. It was then that the hobbits realized the folly of eating everything the night before.

"There's no breakfast!" Pippin exclaimed, stricken. "I can't walk on an empty stomach!"

"It's ok," Roku said. "I saved some stuff." And he proceeded to produce three loaves of bread, a quarter wheel of soft white cheese, several rashers of cooked bacon, a small ham, two jars of strawberry jam and two dozen little yellow apples.

Pippin's eyes went wide. "How much food have you got stashed away in this secret place of yours?"

Roku licked his whiskers. "Enough. Let's eat."

After breakfast, they cleaned up the campsite and set out. The path they followed wound through beautiful woods past clear, swift flowing streams, through open meadows dotted with flowers, and finally crested a ridge to give them a panoramic view of Rivendell itself; a collection of elegant buildings nestled on ridges between several waterfalls.

"Wow!" Duo exclaimed. "That's gorgeous! How many people live there, Aragorn? It sounds crowded."

"All of the Half-Elven reside in Rivendell," Aragorn replied gravely. "Since the Half-Elven do not die unless they are killed or chose a mortal life, the centuries have led to a fairly significant population."

A little farther along the trail, they came to a graceful stone bridge that led them across a gorge and into Rivendell itself. Almost immediately, they were surrounded by dozens of handsome people with long, elaborately braided hair decorated with golden clasps, ribbons and fine gold chains, hanging past their butts.

"Welcome back, Aragorn," said one handsome elf. "I see you have brought many guests." He eyed the newcomers excitedly. "Perhaps they have new stories to tell of the outside world?"

Aragorn sighed. "We have traveled a long way and are tired. Once we have rested and eaten, there will be time for stories."

"Ah, of course," The elf's shoulders slumped slightly and looks of disappointment flickered across the faces of the others. "Come this way. Elrond has had rooms prepared for you."

"Thank you." Aragorn leaned close to Treize and murmured, "If I did not cut them off now, they would have kept you standing here chattering about your travels. Elves are insatiable when it comes to the telling of tales. I fear it is an unfortunate trait of the long-lived."

"Ah, thank you for looking out for us," Treize replied softly.

As they made their way in amongst the buildings, several elves sidled close to Zechs, studying him excitedly and murmuring to each other in their own language. Finally, one of them leaned toward Zechs with an eager smile.

"Tell me, sir, are you perchance related to our cousin elves that live in Lothlorien? Your fair complexion and unmatched beauty gives us cause to wonder."

Zechs smiled magnificently, eliciting excited gasps from the surrounding throng. "You are most kind to think so, but my heritage is purely human."

"Indeed?" The elves exchanged amazed looks. "You are most remarkably handsome for a human," the elf said. He eased a little closer and lowered his voice to an intimate purr. "Perhaps later, you will allow me to show you the wonders and beauties of Rivendell."

Treize frowned and slipped his arm through Zechs' possessively. "I'm afraid we will be quite busy during our stay," he said, "so my companion will have to unfortunately decline."

"That is unfortunate," the elf responded sadly.

"When can we see Mr. Frodo?" Sam demanded. "He was brought here last night and we've heard nothing about him."

"Your companion is in the care of Master Elrond, little fellow," the elf who was leading them said. "I'm sure Master Elrond will summon you when your friend is out of danger."

"Can't we see him sooner?" Sam asked anxiously. "I'm not supposed to leave his side and it's been nearly a whole day now."

"More like half a day," Merry said to Pippin.

"I will ask Master Elrond."

"Is it just me," Duo muttered to Wu-Fei, "or is it hard to reliably pick out the males from the females here?"

Wu-Fei shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"That may be the only thing keeping their population down," Trowa added. "If sexual partners of the opposite sex happen more by accident than design, the reproduction rate should be lower."

"And it does lend a sort of mystery to the seduction when you're not entirely sure what you'll find underneath your paramour's robes," Zechs added.

"That does sound like fun, now that you mention it," Duo said with a grin.

Their guide brought them to an airy building with wide windows and graceful arches that had carved filigree at the top and carvings of vines and flowers flowing down the sides. Soft linen drapes floated in the open windows, which had covered patios outside to shield them from the elements. A large sitting room filled with comfortable divans, chairs and tables in various sizes contained arched doorways leading to smaller rooms containing beds of exquisitely carved hardwoods covered with down stuffed mattresses, the finest linen sheets and finely woven cotton blankets. It all looked incredibly inviting.

"I want to take a bath!" Alexa immediately announced.

"There is a very fine bath just through that arch," their guide responded. "You'll find everything you need there, including changes of clothing so that your own garments may be cleaned."

"Yay! Come on Jett!" Alexa and Jett stripped on the way to the bathing chamber, leaving clothes wherever they happened to fall. Roku trotted after them, still in tiger form. Hadeya sighed and followed.

Aragorn spoke up. "If you will excuse me; there is someone I wish to speak to. I will see you again shortly." He bowed and hurried away.

The bathing chamber contained a single large tiled pool filled with warm scented water. By the time the others arrived, Alexa, Jett and Roku were already playing in the water.

"It looks like there's room enough for all of us," Treize said and, without any further ceremony, stripped naked and slid into the water. "Oh, that's nice!"

Taking his cue, everyone else stripped and hopped into the bath as well.

Trowa looked at the hobbits, who were hovering near the entrance blushing bright red. "Come on, you guys, get in. We all stink."

"Oh, look!" Pippin cried suddenly. "Towels!" He grabbed three towels from a pile on a table by the entrance and handed them out. The three hobbits then stripped in concealment before sliding quickly into the water.

"All right, children!" Quatre said sternly. "Quit playing and start washing. I'm sure they'll feed us once we're out of the bath, so let's not dillydally."

The promise of food did the trick. Soon enough, everyone was scrubbed squeaky clean and dressed in flowing elven robes. When they returned to the sitting room, they found a trio of elves waiting for them. These three elves might have been triplets, because they looked almost exactly alike, down to the way they waved their hands when they talked.

"Welcome! Welcome to Rivendell!" they chorused in voices just high enough to make everyone do a double-take at their flat chests. "We are Elrond's personal attendants, but as he is currently engaged in the care of your companion, he directed us to assist you in any way that we can." The three of them closed in on Zechs. "Would you like us to do your hair?"

"You have such lovely hair," said one.

"My brother Asa is right. It would be a shame not to adorn it befittingly," said another.

"I agree with Asa and Aja!" said the third. "Perhaps braids at the temples."

"And three smaller braids down the back as well, Ata?" said Aja.

"Yes, I agree."

Zechs backed away slowly. "Thank you, but I don't need my hair braided right now."

The three elves' shoulders fell. "As you wish." Then their eyes lit on Duo. "What lovely hair you have!" Asa exclaimed. "And you already have it braided! Perhaps we could brush and re-braid it for you."

Duo grinned. "Sure! That'd be great."

"Wonderful! Sit here!" Aja gestured to a padded chair and Duo settled into it with a smile. Then all three elves produced an assortment of brushes and combs from underneath their robes. In a trice, they had Duo's long hair undone and were happily brushing it smooth.

"I think just a little lavender oil to smooth the tangles is needed," Ata said. He produced a jar from under his robe and sprinkled it on their brushes. The three of them fussed and cooed over Duo until his hair was smooth and glistening like water running over a flat stone.

"Isn't that enough?" Heero complained. "We want to eat."

Slumped comfortably in the softly padded chair, Duo sighed contentedly. "Start without me. I'll be along."

"That is extremely un-Duo-like," Quatre said. "We're talking about food here."

"But you know how he gets about his hair," Wu-Fei said. "Let's go."

So everyone left Duo alone with the suspiciously androgynous hairdressers and went out to find food. They followed Roku, whose nose took them right to a large open hall where a lavish meal was just being set out. Many dozens of elves were already settling onto comfortable divans next to low tables where trays of food were being placed.

"This reminds me of Olympus," Treize said.

"There is a strong resemblance," Zechs agreed.

"My friends!" Aragorn greeted them. He had also bathed and changed into more comfortable clothing. "You look much refreshed. Come this way; I have places set aside for us. Where is Duo?"

"He's getting his hair done," Heero grumbled.

Aragorn blinked. "By Elrond's hairdressers?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, dear. I better go get him or he might miss dinner." He led them to a set of empty divans. "These are for you. Please sit down and help yourselves while I rescue, um, I mean, retrieve your companion." He hurried out of the dining hall.

"That doesn't sound good," Quatre said.

"I'm glad I didn't let them do mine," Zechs said.

Several minutes passed before Aragorn returned with Duo. Duo's hair now resembled the elves, with a dozen slender braids starting from between his temples to just above his ears. The braids were pulled back and bound together with a beautiful golden clasp in the shape of a human hand. The rest of his hair hung down his back in a dark shimmering wave that was caught at the very bottom by a bright silver ribbon. As he passed through, there was a smattering of applause. The three hairdressers, who followed Aragorn and Duo in, bowed with delighted smiles on their faces.

Duo took a seat with the others and immediately started eating. "They wanted to do more than just tie it off at the bottom," he said, "but Aragorn told them no. They're pretty dedicated. But man that felt good." He grinned at Heero. "I'll let you run your fingers through it later."

Heero scowled, but his eyes were fixed on Duo's luxurious brunette locks. "Yeah, maybe."

"Duo's so getting laid," Quatre muttered. "Heero's a sucker for long hair."


	6. Gandalf Arrives!

Chapter 6: **Gandalf Arrives!**

It was late by the time they returned to their lodging because the elves had demanded a detailed accounting of their journey over dinner. In fact, it seemed like the elves would have kept them telling stories all night, but once again Aragorn saved them by simply announcing that his visitors were retiring for the night. Then he escorted them back to their rooms and bid them goodnight.

"I'm sure you will be able to see Frodo in the morning, Sam," Aragorn said to the anxious hobbit. "Be patient for just a little while longer. Good night, my friends." With a bow, Aragorn slipped out.

Merry put a hand on Sam's arm. "I'm sure Frodo will be all right. Let's try to get some rest, shall we?" Sam just heaved a sigh as Merry and Pippin each took an arm and drew him into one of the several bedrooms that opened off of the sitting room. The three of them together would just fill the bed.

Alexa tugged on Zechs arm. "Mommy, can Jett and I have our own room?"

Zechs pursed his lips. "I suppose so, but you actually have to sleep. No sitting up giggling all night."

Alexa made a face. "We'll sleep!"

"Eventually," Treize murmured.

Zechs gave Alexa a stern look. "You promise?"

"Yes!"

"All right. Go ahead."

"Yay!" The two girls scampered into a room and closed the door, whose artfully carved panels fitted neatly into the arched doorway.

Zechs shook his head. "That was probably a mistake."

"We're not doing anything tomorrow," Treize pointed out, "so it doesn't really matter if they don't sleep."

"You're no help."

"Besides," Treize slipped an arm around Zechs' waist. "I wasn't planning to let you sleep either."

"What? Wait a minute…"

"It's been days since we've been properly intimate. I want to pull an all-nighter."

"Do I get any say in this matter?"

"No." Treize pulled him into another room. "So get in here and start stripping." He closed the door firmly.

Duo grinned. "I like what Treize is thinking," he said. He grinned at Heero and stroked his fingers through his hair, lifting the heavy waves away from his shoulder and letting the luxurious locks ripple over his hand. "Want to play?"

Heero nodded and took Duo's hand.

Duo looked at Wu-Fei. "Coming?"

"In a minute. You guys get started without me. I know Heero likes it when you sit on him and drape your hair all over him. I'll join you later."

"Ok." Duo led a rather eager-looking Heero into another bedroom.

Quatre noticed that Trowa was staring at him. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, I was just remembering how cute you look when your little bottom is bare."

Quatre blushed and quickly patted the back of his loose-fitting elven trousers. "Nothing's showing is it?"

"No, but I could easily fix that."

"Are you suggesting we engage in sexual activity like the rest of these lustful people?"

"I have this idea for an interesting new position," Trowa responded.

Quatre raised his eyebrows. "A new position? It doesn't involve any props, does it?"

"We might need a chair. Or maybe a small table, unless the windowsill is the right height. Otherwise, I should be able to keep you in position without using any bindings. How's your balance?"

Quatre blinked. "Keep me in position? Balance?"

"You'll like it. Trust me. It'll feel really good."

"You've said that before."

"And it was true, wasn't it?"

"I think I'm going to regret this."

"You'll love it. I promise." Trowa took Quatre's hand. "The more I think about it, the more excited I get. Say you'll try it."

Quatre sighed. "All right. I'll try it."

"Oh, good!" Trowa eagerly pulled him into the second to last bedroom.

Roku, Hadeya and Wu-Fei exchanged a look. Roku flopped over on his side and closed his eyes. "I'm going to sleep right here," he said drowsily. "I want to get up early and go exploring. There are a bunch of cool waterfalls and pools to play in."

"Very well," Wu-Fei said. "I guess that last bedroom's yours, Hadeya."

"I suppose so," Hadeya replied faintly.

Wu-Fei studied his face. "Is something the matter?"

"No, nothing," Hadeya said quickly, but his cheeks flushed.

Wu-Fei folded his arms. "You've been going quite a while without getting any," he stated.

"I need to learn to control my appetites," Hadeya said. "Mother said that even a demi-god like me will pass on godlike traits to my offspring, so I should be careful."

"Oh, pish!" Wu-Fei waved a hand. "If that were really important, we might have tried to stop Duo from sprinkling his genes all over Arthurian England. At any rate, there's no reason for you to suffer. It's not like you'll get any of us pregnant."

Hadeya stared rather pointedly at Roku.

"Quatre was a girl when that happened!" Wu-Fei exclaimed defensively. "And so was Duo when Jett was born. And Alexa was born with magic. You have nothing to worry about. Come on." He took Hadeya's hand. "In this case, I have to agree with Duo. Abstaining from sex for no medically necessary reason isn't good for your health."

"Won't Father be angry with you, like he was with Duo, if we have sex together?" Hadeya asked anxiously, although he was not exactly resisting Wu-Fei's attempt to pull him into the remaining bedroom.

"It'll be fine," Wu-Fei assured him. "Heero never gets as mad at me as he does at Duo, because he knows I always do things for a good reason. Duo is just impulsive." The two of them disappeared into the bedroom and closed the door.

Roku yawned hugely. "That's the way it should be," he purred. "Everyone's being naughty." And he promptly fell asleep.

In the morning, Aragorn arrived looking tired. Roku sniffed him suspiciously. "Were you being naughty, too?"

Aragorn blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind."

"Umm…" Aragorn took a moment to recover his equilibrium. "I've come to take you to Frodo," he said. "He was still unconscious when I stopped by this morning, but Elrond says he is getting better. And I have good news." He paused dramatically. "Gandalf is here!"

"Who's Gandalf, again?" Quatre inquired.

"He's a very powerful wizard and perhaps our greatest ally in the coming battle," Aragorn intoned gravely.

"Powerful wizards can be useful," Trowa remarked casually, glancing at Roku.

"Yeah, that whole end-of-the-world episode in Asgard could have been pretty ugly if not for Roku," Wu-Fei agreed. He patted Roku on the head. "He's a good boy."

Roku purred happily.

Sam edged toward the door. "So can we go see Frodo now?"

"Of course."

"Before breakfast?" Jett protested loudly.

Everyone winced.

"Volume, please, Jett," Heero grunted.

"Before breakfast?" Jett repeated in a lower, more plaintive tone.

"Better frequency choice," Duo commended her. "But I agree with Jett. Can't we eat first? I'm starving after last night. I got a great workout and I'm really hungry." He grinned at Heero.

Heero glared back.

"But I need to see Frodo!" Sam exclaimed. "Gandalf will have stern words for me for being absent this long!"

"We will pass the dining hall on the way to Frodo's room," Aragorn said. "Those who wish to eat may stop there and the others may continue to see Frodo." He led the way out of the room.

In the end, everyone stopped for a quick bite, including Sam, even though he looked like taking the time to eat was a huge personal failure on his part. Afterward, they proceeded to the room where Frodo was recuperating. It was a light, airy room with wide windows and a large sleigh bed that was much bigger than a person of his small size really needed. Seated beside the bed was an old man in a gray robe with a long gray beard and long gray hair. A tall, pointed gray hat was resting atop some kind of staff that was leaning against the edge of the headboard.

"I'd wager that's Gandalf the Gray," Treize murmured.

"That would seem a safe bet," Zechs murmured back.

"Gandalf!" Sam squealed. He scurried to the bed and climbed carefully onto the edge so he had a better view of Frodo. "How is Frodo? Will he be all right?"

"He'll be fine," a rich baritone voice answered warmly. "Glorfindel got him here in time." The speaker stepped toward them from one of the windows and inclined his head politely. His exquisitely and elaborately braided hair, which was a rich auburn shade, hung all the way to his knees. He wore finely embroidered robes that flowed over his limbs gracefully, and a friendly, slightly paternal smile graced his handsome face. "Welcome to Rivendell. I am Elrond."

"Thank you for helping Mr. Frodo, Lord Elrond," Sam said quickly. "I've been so worried!"

"The wound was grave," Elrond acknowledged, "but I know how to tend that kind of injury."

"Will he wake up soon?" Sam peered anxiously at Frodo's pale face.

"He needs a little more rest," Elrond responded. "But you can stay with him if you like."

"Thank you!" Sam sat down and took Frodo's hand, obviously intending to stay there for awhile.

Merry and Pippin exchanged a look.

"Since you're going to keep an eye on Frodo, Sam," Merry said, "Pippin and I will just pop out for a minute and have a look around; check the place out." Sam nodded without answering or taking his eyes off Frodo's face. "Right, then!" Merry said. He rubbed his hands together and looked at Pippin.

Pippin raised his eyebrows. "We'll explore for just a bit and come right back," he said. The two of them promptly dashed out the door.

Elrond smiled at the others. "Don't worry about your companions. They'll be safe here."

"It's not them I think we should be worried about," Heero muttered. "Those two are way too much like Duo."

"What's that?" Duo demanded. "There's nothing wrong with exploring. I was thinking of looking around a little myself. What do you say, Roku? You said you wanted to look at the waterfalls."

"Yeah!" Roku waved his tail in the air excitedly.

Elrond blinked in surprise. "Your animal talks!"

"Did I forget to mention that?" Aragorn said

"He's my son," Quatre said. "It's sort of a long story."

"Really?" Elrond's eyes lit up. "Perhaps you could tell us over dinner. Is it tragic? Did he lose his mother in some heartrending way?"

"Should he say that quite so cheerfully?" Hadeya whispered to Wu-Fei.

"I'm his mother," Quatre said with a faint sigh.

"You are?" Elrond looked him up and down. "Forgive me, but I was under the impression you were a man."

"I am a man."

"But how then…" Elrond trailed off and his expression grew more eager. "No, say nothing! You must tell us the full tale at dinner tonight. We love long stories and yours sounds especially intriguing."

"Oh, great." Quatre made a face.

By this time, Duo and Roku were long gone.

Elrond's three hairdressers came fluttering into the room.

"Oh!" exclaimed Asa. "We just saw your companion! His hair is all mussed but he wouldn't let us fix it." He pouted.

"He said he had something else to do," Aja added, also pouting.

"But here is Lord Elrond!" Ata exclaimed. "My lord, your hair has become mussed."

Elrond paled. "No it hasn't!" he exclaimed quickly. He took a step back. "I've done nothing strenuous since you finished it this morning."

Ata marched around behind Elrond and leaned over. "Right here!" He pointed. "There are five hairs overlapping. That won't do at all."

"Five overlapping hairs?!" Asa and Aja exclaimed in horrified unison.

"My lord!" Asa gasped. "You weren't running, were you?"

"I never run!" Elrond retorted.

"But five hairs out of place! What else could have caused it?"

"You were standing by the window again, weren't you?" Aja said accusingly.

Elrond dropped his head with a deep sigh.

"I knew it!" Ata said. "Well, there's nothing for it. We'll have to take the whole thing out and do it again."

Elrond threw a pleading look at Gandalf. "But Gandalf and I are having a very important discussion about the terrible crisis facing the entire world."

Gandalf blinked once. "We can finish our conversation later," he said. "I want to watch over Frodo for a little while."

"But…"

"And Sam and I can discuss what he was doing when Frodo got hurt."

"What?!" Sam flinched.

The three elves latched onto Elrond. "You see?" said Ata. "We have time. Come, my lord."

Elrond slumped in resignation.

Alexa whispered something to Jett and Jett nodded. "Mommy?" Alexa said. "Can Jett and I go watch Mr. Elrond get his hair done?"

"Of course, dear, but don't get in the way."

"I'll go with them," Hadeya said.

"Thank you, Hadeya."

Alexa, Jett and Hadeya followed a dejected Elrond as he was led away by his hairdressers.

Quatre found a chair and dragged it around to the other side of the bed so he could look at Gandalf. "So, Gandalf, I hear you're a wizard."

"Yes, I am a member of the brotherhood of wizards," Gandalf replied. "It has been my task all these long centuries to watch over the world of men." He smiled at Frodo and Sam. "But I have a soft place in my heart for the hobbits of the Shire, I do admit."

"Weren't you supposed to meet them in Bree?"

Gandalf pursed his lips. "I was delayed."

When he failed to elaborate, Quatre frowned. "That's not much of an excuse."

"A wizard does not have to explain himself," Gandalf replied archly.

"That's a little pompous," Trowa murmured.

"And not particularly helpful," Quatre added. "Well, fortunately for you, we joined them before then and were able to protect them from the Nazgul in Bree. Just what is this ring that Frodo has? It's not strictly a magical item, is it?"

"It is the One Ring," Gandalf said in a deep, resonant voice. "The ring which Sauron made to control all the other great rings. Much of Sauron's evil spirit is embedded in it. If he reclaims it, he will regain his full strength and power, and the world shall fall under his dark dominion."

"Ah." Quatre rubbed his chin. "Maybe we should put it in Roku's storage space."

"The ring is evil, as Sauron is evil," Gandalf continued. "Anyone who suffers prolonged contact with it is inevitably harmed by it. I would not have left it in Frodo's care, but it is safest with someone who has the will not to use it."

"Does that mean you don't have the will not to use it?" Treize inquired shrewdly.

Gandalf sighed. "That is the true test," he said. "The greater one's power, the weaker is one's resistance to its pervasive evil. It is a very powerful ring. With it, one could do great works, but in the end all those works would turn to corruption. It is a terrible thing."

"Sounds like it," Quatre said. "So what are you going to do with it?"

"There will be a council in a few days to address that very question," Gandalf replied.

"All right." Quatre nodded. "We'll be there. Roku and I are sorcerers, too. We can be of assistance."

"Are you indeed?" Gandalf raised a bushy eyebrow. "What color are you?"

"Color?"

"As I am the Gray and my good friend Radagast is the Brown, we wizards of the order are known by our dominant color." He peered closely at Quatre. "So what color are you?"

"Well, uh…" Quatre stammered.

"He's Quatre the Blond," Trowa said with a straight face.

Gandalf's brow wrinkled. "The Blond?"

"It's a color," Trowa said, still straight-faced.

"I suppose so," Gandalf murmured.

Quatre gave Trowa a look. Trowa shrugged.

"And what color is the other sorcerer you mentioned?"

"Roku the Orange," Trowa said immediately. The other Gundam pilots snickered. Quatre glared at him.

"Well, I can't say I'm familiar with either of those colors, but new members do enter the order from time to time and I spend a lot of time traveling about as part of my duties." Gandalf nodded decisively and smiled. "I welcome you," he said firmly. "We are faced with a grave trial, so any offer of help is received with deep gratitude."

"Thank you," Quatre replied.

"Frodo moved!" Sam exclaimed.

Everyone looked and sure enough, Frodo was stirring. He let out a low moan.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried. "How do you feel?"

Frodo opened his eyes and blinked blearily at Sam. "Sam?" he croaked. "Where am I?"

"We're in Rivendell, Mr. Frodo. And look! Gandalf is here!"

"Gandalf?!" Frodo struggled to sit up and smiled weakly when he saw the old wizard. "Where were you?" he exclaimed. "I nearly messed everything up."

"You did fine, Frodo," Gandalf reassured him. "I'm sorry I was not there to meet you in Bree. I heard all about your journey from Aragorn. Under the circumstances, you all did extremely well. But I would like to hear how you met your other companions." He studied the Gundam pilots from under his bushy eyebrows. "They are unlike any men I've ever met before."

"Why doesn't he just ask us?" Heero muttered in annoyance.

"Probably because, if we're bad guys, he assumes we'd just lie," Wu-Fei answered in a low voice. "Asking someone he trusts like Frodo makes sense."

"Well, I'm still insulted," Heero grumbled. But he listened without saying anything while Frodo recounted the story of their meeting in the Barrow Downs.

Meanwhile, in Elrond's elegantly appointed suite of rooms, his three hairdressers were happily brushing out his shining auburn hair, which was so smooth and healthy from constant oiling and brushing that it looked like silk.

"Your hair is really pretty Mr. Elrond," Alexa said. "I wish my hair was smooth like yours."

"You have lovely hair, Miss Alexa," Aja cooed. "We could do wonderful things with your delightful curls."

"And young hair like Miss Jett's takes well to styling," Asa added, smiling sweetly at Jett.

Jett smiled back.

Elrond just sighed. After several more minutes of brushing, however, he started to fidget. "Aren't you done yet? Surely you must have something else to do?"

"Well, not really," Ata said. "We had hoped to spend this morning tending to Elrohir and Elladan's hair, but we could not find your sons anywhere. In fact, we have not been able to find them for nearly two weeks. We think they've snuck off somewhere together."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, not _together__**-**_together," Ata amended quickly. "But together. You know, because they're twins. They're usually together."

"But in a brotherly way," Aja added.

"Although they do like squeezing into small spaces together," Asa noted.

"That was just the one time we found them in that closet," Ata pointed out.

"That's true."

"And they were mostly clothed."

"Very true."

"But their hair was terribly mussed."

"Oh my, very mussed!" Asa agreed.

"Do you know where they've gone, my lord?"

"No!"

Just then, another trio of elves marched into the room with yards of beautifully dyed and embroidered fabric draped over their arms.

"What are you doing?!" one exclaimed. "Hisa, Tisa and I are here to try on the robes Lord Elrond will wear to the council meeting!"

"That's right!" another added. "Nisa, Hisa and I must do the final fitting to make sure everything fits perfectly!"

"So of course, Tisa, Nisa and I must bathe him first," said the third, "so there is no chance of soiling the new material."

"You can't bathe him!" Aja exclaimed, horrified. "You'll get his hair wet!"

"Well, put it up!" Tisa said. "His lordship must be bathed!"

"Wait a minute…" Elrond began.

"But we've just finished brushing it out!" Asa protested.

"It can't be helped," Nisa said. "Come to the bathing chamber my lord."

"But…"

Elrond's protest fell on deaf ears as the three new attendants hustled him into the bathroom. Ignoring Alexa and Jett, who followed them in and watched with great amusement despite Hadeya's attempts to get them to leave, they stripped the handsome elf of his robes and his dignity, while Asa, Aja and Ata desperately swirled his long hair up into a neat coil, piled it on top of his head and pinned it in place.

"This is ridiculous!" Elrond roared. "I am the master here!"

"And you must look the part," Hisa said. He lifted Elrond's right arm and began washing briskly.

With six elves in the bath with him, Elrond had little chance for escape. So in no time at all he was being very thoroughly washed.

"They're washing his privates!" Jett giggled rather loudly.

"Daddy washes Mommy's privates all the time."

"That's not washing."

"Girls!" Hadeya interrupted. "A little decorum, please."

At length, Elrond was removed from the bath, dried, and dressed in his new robes so Tisa, Hisa and Nisa could make the final adjustments. When they were done, they rather unceremoniously bared him again so they could take the robes away for final stitching.

"Before we go," Nisa said as Elrond, with a flushed frown on his face, quickly dressed in the clothes he'd been wearing before, "do you know where Elladan and Elrohir are? We have new robes for them and we haven't been able to do their final fittings."

"No!"

"We haven't been able to find them either," Ata said. "We think they're together."

"Together?!"

"Not _together-_together. Just together."

"Oh. Well, if you see them, let us know."

"Of course. And you please do the same."

"Of course."

Tisa, Nisa and Hisa marched from the room, their yards of material cradled lovingly in their arms.

"Now then, Master Elrond," Asa said, "where were we?" He reached for the pins holding Elrond's hair piled on his head.

Elrond paled. "I think we can just leave it."

"Absolutely not," the three retorted in unison.

"You can't go out in public without a single braid in your hair," Asa said, rolling his eyes. "It would be as if you were naked."

"I was just naked in front of these three!" Elrond cried, pointing at Hadeya and the girls.

Aja waved a hand. "That's different. You were bathing. But once you leave this chamber, every hair must be perfect." He advanced on Elrond determinedly. "So just sit down, my lord, and let us finish. It won't take any time at all."

Elrond allowed himself to be guided back into his sitting room and settled into a comfortable padded chair.

Hadeya looked at the girls. "I think this might be awhile. Feel like getting a snack?"

"Yeah!"

At Elrond's pitiful look, Hadeya gave him a sympathetic smile. "We'll see you later, Lord Elrond."

Elrond heaved a heartfelt sigh. "I certainly hope so."


	7. The Council of Elrond

Chapter 7: **The Council of Elrond**

Over dinner, the elves hung on Quatre's every word, utterly riveted by the story of the pilots' adventure in Arthurian England. Of course, the elves were completely unfamiliar with the context of the story, but they were nevertheless enthralled, since the concept of kings, sorcery and valiant knights was close enough to the world they knew. But when he got to the part about inadvertently turning himself into a girl, there was an outburst of exclamations.

"How is that possible?!" one gorgeous, long-haired, male elf exclaimed. His eyes gleamed with eagerness. "To change sexes…"

"Believe me," Duo said, rolling his eyes, "it's dismayingly easy."

"Do you mind?" Quatre said archly. "I'm telling a story here."

"Sorry."

"Anyway," Quatre continued, "since I had not intended to turn myself into a woman, Merlin wasn't quite sure how to undue the spell. So I was stuck that way for several days."

"That sounds… fascinating!" the same elf purred dreamily. He gave the equally handsome, long-haired gentleman seated beside him a sultry look. "Does the penetration feel different?"

"Yes and no," Duo said quickly. "It can go in more easily but it feels just as good."

"I don't think the graphic details are necessary!" Quatre interrupted.

"But he asked!"

"Just because someone asks a question doesn't mean it always requires an answer."

"I was just being polite."

"You just wanted to talk smut."

Duo winked at Quatre. "But you liked it when I talked smut in your lab that day."

Quatre blushed furiously. "That was a lab experiment!"

"You do great experiments," Duo grinned.

Trowa frowned. "I would like to here more about this experiment."

"It was just a boring old lab test," Quatre said hastily. "Let me get back to the story, please." He blinked several times. "As I was saying, it took several days to undo the spell and during that time, I, uh…" He paused and his blush returned. "I had one or two encounters with my companions."

"One or two?!" Duo burst out laughing. "Try one or two a day!"

"It was probably more like three or four," Heero pointed out calmly. "There are four of us, after all, but I think Wu-Fei may have skipped a day or two. He was always bathing."

"Oh, but Trowa most likely made up for that," Duo chuckled.

While they were talking, Quatre's blush got brighter and brighter. "Would you please shut up and let me tell this story?"

"I was just being factual," Heero said. "You were pretty promiscuous."

"You never fucking talk and _now_ you have to be factual?!" Quatre screamed. "And I wasn't promiscuous! You horny bastards couldn't keep it in your pants for five minutes! I was the innocent victim of your unbridled lust and you knocked me up!"

Now every elven eye was glued on Quatre in rapt fascination.

"Knocked him up?" an elf murmured curiously.

"It means we got him pregnant," Wu-Fei clarified.

"All of you?!"

"It seems unlikely, but Roku does carry traits from all of us."

"But he's a large cat."

"It doesn't show as much when he's not in his human form."

Quatre took several deep breaths. "Please, allow me to continue." He glared at his companions. They all blinked back innocently, except for Heero, who looked faintly exasperated. "As I was saying, I became pregnant. Sometime after that, Merlin was able to return me to my normal form, but I stayed pregnant."

"Amazing!" The elves exchanged excited looks. "Who would have imagined such a thing was possible?"

"Oh, it's possible, all right," Zechs murmured.

"Being pregnant isn't comfortable," Quatre continued, valiantly attempting to ignore the interruptions. Several female elves nodded sagely. "When I went into labor, I found it very distressing."

"I'll say," Heero muttered. "You whined like a girl."

"You might not want to say those thoughts out loud," Duo cautioned. "He pulls the trigger on that transformation spell pretty fast."

"Excuse me!" Quatre said loudly. He scowled darkly at Heero. "I admit I handled the labor pains with less aplomb than I might have. I thought that it might be less difficult to give birth in a larger form, so I changed myself into a tiger."

"In the middle of labor?!" one elf maiden squeaked, her eyes wide.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Quatre replied. "So anyway, when Roku was born, he came out as a tiger, because apparently when I changed myself, I also changed him. But it seems that the only real side-effect of him being bathed in magic from before birth is that he was born a very powerful sorcerer. And he has a preference for being a tiger rather than a human."

Roku, who was sitting at Quatre's feet throughout his story, flicked his tail. "It's just more comfortable," he said.

"You can change between forms at will?" one elf questioned excitedly.

"Sure." Roku shimmered into his human form and sat up. "It's easy. I can do other forms, but usually I'm either a tiger or a boy."

The elves applauded enthusiastically.

"What a wonderful story!"

"It's the best we've heard in ages!"

"We must write it all down at once and add it to the library!"

"I have notes!"

"So do I!"

As the elves chattered excitedly about the story, repeating their favorite parts with dramatic flair, Quatre scowled at Heero. "I whined like a girl?"

Heero blinked. "It was just a figure of speech."

"Mind your temper, Quatre," Trowa said.

Quatre made a face.

Elrond approached them with Glorifindel beside him. He walked sedately with his hips swaying slightly, so his upper body remained still and there was no chance of an inadvertent breeze caused by too brisk a pace stirring up his hair. "Thank you so much for entertaining us with your wonderful story, Quatre," he said gravely. "Your narration was utterly compelling. I suspect you have other equally fascinating stories you could relate."

"One or two," Quatre muttered.

"Unfortunately, I think we will have to postpone more tales to a future date. I have received word that representatives of the various peoples of Middle Earth are on their way here to discuss the future of the world. The first of them should arrive tomorrow, so I have scheduled a council for the day after. You are all invited as well."

"Including the hobbits?" Treize asked. At the moment, Sam, Merry and Pippin were having dinner with Frodo in his room, along with Gandalf and an elderly little hobbit named Bilbo, who was apparently Frodo's uncle.

"Just Frodo. As the Ring-bearer, his participation is critical. The others are unnecessary."

"Very well." Treize turned to Zechs. "We can leave Alexa and Jett with the hobbits while we attend the council. The lot of them should be able to keep each other out of trouble."

"Sam may be the only stabilizing influence out of that group," Zechs replied. "And he'll be outnumbered."

Alexa scowled at him. "I'll behave!" she grumbled.

"Thank you, dear."

Elrond bowed carefully. "Then I will bid you good night. I have a few matters to attend to before retiring." He floated away with his arm looped through Glorfindel's.

"Elf minds are too easy to read," Duo muttered. "I need a drink."

"You have a drink." Wu-Fei pointed at the elegantly crafted hand-blown wineglass in Duo's hand.

"This is wine!" Duo said plaintively. "And good wine at that. You have to sip this all delicate and ladylike and everything. You can't just chug it."

"Well, I haven't noticed the elves offering up mugs of ale, so I guess you'll just have to make do."

"It's not fair." Duo sipped his wine and eyed Wu-Fei. "If I can't get drunk, maybe I should just have sex instead."

"Why are you looking at me?" Wu-Fei shot back. "Heero's sitting right here."

"But you never joined us last night," Duo pointed out. "Where were you?"

"I stayed with Hadeya last night to keep him company."

"'Keeping company' is a new way to phrase it," Duo grinned.

"You spent the night in Hadeya's room?" Heero growled.

Wu-Fei abruptly stood up. "All right, Duo, let's go."

"Yay!" Duo clapped his hands.

"What a minute!" Heero said. "I want to hear more about last night. Just what were you doing in Hadeya's room?"

"Sleeping," Wu-Fei said shortly.

Duo tapped the side of his head. "I can say on good authority that sleeping did indeed occur in Hadeya's room last night."

"See?" Wu-Fei said quickly. He grabbed Duo's hand. "Let's go now." He dragged a grinning Duo from the room.

Heero looked at Hadeya. "Well?"

Hadeya blinked several times and pressed his lips together. "He said you wouldn't get as mad at him."

"I knew it!" Heero snapped. "I can't trust either of them around you."

"It was my fault," Hadeya confessed. "I've been trying to cut back."

Heero rolled his eyes. "That's pointless." He waved a hand at the roomful of elves. "Just pick out three or four and let yourself go. If you can't get in a good fight every now and then, sex is the next best outlet for excess energy. Although I wouldn't say no to a little sparring right now. I feel rusty. I wonder if any of these elves can handle a sword."

"Why don't you ask Aragorn?" Treize said. "He is apparently supposed to be an exceptional swordsman."

"There's an idea." Heero looked around. "Oh, there he is. Excuse me." Heero marched over to where Aragorn was seated next to an attractive, dark-haired elf maiden. From their manner toward each other, it appeared that Aragorn and the elf were quite close. "Aragorn, I was wondering if you'd be interested in a little sword practice. We've been traveling so hard, I haven't had time for a decent sparring match with anyone."

Aragorn smiled. "I would be happy to oblige you, Heero."

The elf maiden's brow creased into a delicate frown. "But Aragorn, we were going to spend the evening together reading poetry!"

Aragorn patted her hand. "Our guests will only be here briefly, my dear Arwen. I would not want to be a poor host."

Arwen's lips turned down in a pretty little pout. "I suppose so," she murmured.

"I knew you would understand." Aragorn stood up. "There is a nice open area for sparring just across the bridge." He held out his hand to indicate the direction and the two of them walked away. Arwen watched them leave with a completely astonished look on her perfectly shaped face.

Quatre leaned toward Trowa. "I don't think she expected Aragorn to go."

Trowa nodded. "I daresay she's accustomed to getting her way with that little pout."

"Little pouts do work," Quatre said. He gave Trowa a little pouty look.

"At the very least, they get you kissed," Trowa replied, and he kissed Quatre on the nose.

Quatre giggled. "That tickles!"

"Oh, really? What about this?" Trowa leaned over and licked his ear.

"Oh!" Quatre flushed. "You shouldn't do that in front of people."

"Then let's go to our room." Trowa took Quatre's hand. "I suddenly have this urge to do more than just lick your cute little ears."

"You're very naughty," Quatre purred.

"That's my plan."

The two of them strolled out of the room.

Roku stood up. "Who wants to take a bath?"

"Me!" Alexa shouted.

"Me, too!" Jett chimed in, rattling the wineglasses.

Zechs stood up. "I think it's probably my turn to supervise the bath," he said.

"I'll come with you," Treize replied.

They followed the kids out of the room, leaving Hadeya all alone. A handful of elves immediately moved closer to him.

"You were not mentioned in the story," one elf, who might have been female, said.

"No, I didn't join them until later."

"I think you must have a fascinating story, also," said a second elf. This one was almost certainly male.

"Not really. I grew up with my mother and uncle, and then left to find Heero, who is my father."

"Your father?!" the first elf exclaimed. "But you look the same age! Is he immortal?"

Hadeya coughed. "Um, in a way."

The second elf slid closer. "You're very handsome."

"Thank you."

"I would love to experience ecstasy with you."

"What?!" Hadeya rasped. He cleared his throat. "You want to, uh, be intimate?"

"Yes! Very intimate." The elf leaned closer. "We can use sweet scented oils to massage each other's bodies, followed by deep, pleasurable caresses." Two other elves nodded eagerly at his words.

"I… I…" Hadeya stammered. "I suppose that's all right."

"Wonderful!" The two nearest elves grabbed his hands, pulled him to his feet, and hustled him out of the dining room.

After that, other elves began leaving in twos, threes, and sometimes larger groups, until the only one left in the room was Arwen. She remained seated on her divan with her lips pushed out in an angry little scowl.

Everyone slept rather late the next day, so it was nearly midday when Frodo tottered into the room looking for them, accompanied by Sam and Gandalf.

Roku, who was sprawled on his back with his paws splayed out, was the only one in the sitting room to greet them when they arrived. "Hey, Frodo," he purred lazily. "You look none the worse for wear. Wanna rub my belly?"

Frodo sat down rather stiffly next to Roku and ran a hand over Roku's soft belly fur. "I thought I looked a little pale," he said.

Roku waggled a paw. "Maybe a little. How do you feel?"

"Much better, thank you. Where is everyone?"

"Still sleeping. It's nice and peaceful here."

"Yes, it is." Frodo sighed. "I wish we could stay, but I suppose we'll be heading back to the Shire now that I've brought the Ring here."

"We will decide that at the council meeting tomorrow," Gandalf said gravely. "In the meantime, you should just relax and not think too much about it."

"That certainly does sound easier."

Alexa and Jett bounded into the room.

"Frodo!" Alexa squealed. "I thought I heard you talking!" She pounced on the unprepared hobbit, promptly bowling him over.

"Be careful, Miss Alexa!" Sam cried. "He's still not fully healed yet!"

"I'm fine, Sam," Frodo laughed, despite being under a dog pile formed by Alexa and Jett. After several seconds of giggling, the two girls helped Frodo sit up.

"You stopped my belly-rub," Roku groused.

"Sorry!" Jett said. She and Alexa sat down on either side of Roku and proceeded to rub his belly.

"Ah! That's better. You can help, too, Frodo."

"All right." Frodo stuck a hand back in. "It seems odd to be talked to by a creature I'm petting."

"Good heavens!" Quatre exclaimed as he entered the room with Trowa. "Roku sure is getting spoiled."

"Ummmm…" Roku purred.

Soon everyone was up and talking about getting some lunch, so they went to the dining hall to see if any food was available. Once there, they found Hadeya draped across a divan looking exhausted.

"Where have you been?" Zechs said. "You look like you haven't slept at all."

"I haven't," Hadeya groaned. "I've been up with the elves all night. I don't think they need to sleep at all." He rubbed his eyes with his fists. "I don't think I was this tired after a day of battling with the heroes of Valhalla, followed by a night of feasting."

"Yet you look remarkably clean and tidy," Zechs noted. "Your skin is glowing, your hair is perfect and those clothes look brand new."

"That would be because I've been bathed, brushed, screwed, dressed, undressed, massaged and screwed repeatedly," Hadeya moaned.

"Sounds like fun," Duo murmured with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"I notice you said screwed twice," Treize said.

"That's because that happened more often than the rest. Is it time to eat?"

"Yes!" Jett announced sternly.

Gandalf winced and rubbed his ear. "I'll go find someone." He wandered out, but returned very quickly trailed by a dozen or so elves carrying trays of food, one of whom was Glorfindel.

"Good day, my friends," Glorfindel said. "How are you enjoying Rivendell?"

"It's a beautiful place."

"Thank you for saying so," Glorfindel replied, his eyes sparkling. After making sure the food was adequate, he took a seat. "The council meeting should happen as scheduled tomorrow. Several of the expected groups have arrived already, and we believe the remainder will have arrived by nightfall."

"Who's coming?" Quatre asked. "Elrond mentioned it yesterday, but he wasn't very specific."

"People from many lands will be here, including Men, Elves and Dwarves. Sadly, there is not a lot of love between these groups, so the meeting should be quite interesting." Glorfindel seemed delighted by the prospect of possible conflict.

"Well, we look forward to participating."

Gandalf cleared his throat. "Where is Elrond? There are a few matters he and I should probably discuss ahead of the meeting."

"He's with his attendants, of course." Glorfindel chuckled. "You should interrupt them. Elrond will thank you."

"Hmph!" Gandalf snorted. "Perhaps I will. No one needs his hair brushed that much."

"That's what I kept saying last night," Hadeya muttered.

Gandalf took his leave, accompanied by Glorfindel.

"So what shall we do today?" Treize said.

"I want to go exploring!" Jett announced.

"Me, too!" added Alexa.

"Hey, why don't I take you to the waterfalls Roku and I found yesterday?" Duo offered. "They're magnificent."

"Ok!"

In the end, everyone went to tour the waterfalls and wander through the beautiful stone buildings of Rivendell. Frodo eventually got tired, though, so Sam accompanied him back early in the afternoon. The others returned quite a bit later tired and hungry, so after a bath, they had dinner in their suite and went to bed.

The next morning, Aragorn arrived to fetch them for the council. He looked regal in a long black tunic with silver stitching, his long sword belted around his slim waist. "All of the participants have arrived for the meeting," he said. "Elrond wants to get an early start, I think because he expects a lot of arguing."

Heero groaned. "Can I skip the meeting?"

"No," Quatre said firmly. "We're all going." He turned to Merry. "Do you mind watching Alexa and Jett, Merry?"

"I'd be glad to." Merry puffed up importantly. "I'm very responsible."

Pippin goggled. "Since when?"

Merry made a face. "Someone has to make sure you stay out of trouble."

"That's funny," Sam muttered. "You're the one always in the lead when the two of you head into trouble."

"My point exactly," Pippin declared.

Merry folded his arms across his chest. "But _I'm_ the one he asked."

"He wouldn't know any better," Sam said.

"When the three of you stop arguing," Wu-Fei interrupted calmly, "perhaps one of you will stop Jett from climbing out the window and sneaking away."

"What?!" The three hobbits whirled to stare at the window, where Jett and Alexa had pushed a chair up against the sill. Jett was in the act of climbing through the window while Alexa steadied the chair.

"I thought you said you would behave," Zechs remarked dryly.

Alexa grinned sheepishly. "We were just testing."

"I think I don't want to see anymore," Quatre said with a shake of his head. "Let's go."

The council meeting was being held on a patio surrounded by exquisite stone arches covered in flowering vines. The outer edge of the patio overlooked a green lawn interspersed with beautiful trees and graceful statues. Chairs were set up around the edges of the patio in a wide circle, although it was immediately apparent that there was not enough seating for everyone. Subsequently, almost everyone remained standing, clumped together in groups mostly defined by race, eyeing everyone else suspiciously.

Elrond stepped onto the patio looking the very image of elven perfection. His long hair was braided in myriad small braids, which were then plaited together. The plaits were then worked into loops held in place with jeweled combs, whose gems matched the colors in his flowing silk robes. He took a seat on a large stone chair with a cushion, which was obviously intended for him.

"Please be seated, my friends," Elrond said gravely. After some milling about, several people sat down and the others moved to stand behind the chairs. Elrond nodded. "We of Middle Earth are faced with a grave danger," he said. "Sauron is once again extending his reach across the land, bringing death and destruction to all we value. But we are presented with an opportunity to end it. Frodo, bring forth the Ring."

Looking horribly uncomfortable, Frodo produced the shiny gold Ring and put it on a stone table in the middle of the patio. Every eye fixed on the glittering Ring, which managed to look bigger once Frodo set it down.

Roku, in tiger form and seated beside Quatre's chair with his tail around his paws, stared at it with interest. "I think I could make that," he whispered to Quatre. "Except for the taint of festering evil. I'd have trouble doing that."

"You'd probably want to leave that part out, anyway."

"True."

"This is the One Ring," Elrond intoned. "Sauron seeks it and should he recover it, we are all doomed. We must destroy it."

"But wait!" One of the Men, a handsome, muscular man in leather armor, quickly stood up. "The One Ring is a ring of great power. We could use it to destroy Sauron! We men of Gondor are prepared to take up this task!" He proceeded into what was apparently going to be a long-winded speech.

Heero shifted from foot to foot impatiently. "Who is this bozo?"

"He is Boromir of Gondor," Aragorn murmured, "eldest son of the Steward of Gondor. He is a great man."

Gandalf interrupted Boromir's speech. "We cannot use the Ring! It is evil! Our only option is to destroy it!"

"Gandalf is right," Elrond concurred. "The Ring must be destroyed. Our only hope is to throw it into the cracks of Mount Doom, where it was made. Only the fires of Mount Doom are hot enough to unmake it."

"That is impossible!" one of the Dwarves protested. "Mount Doom is in the middle of Mordor!"

"Nevertheless," Elrond said, "that is our only choice, Gimli, son of Gloin."

The dwarf Gimli scowled. "How do you propose to do this great feat, then?"

"One of you," Elrond let his eyes slide over the group, "must take it there."

"What?!" An explosion of voices filled the patio; some arguing for the plan, some arguing against it, and some just arguing.

"I will take it!" Frodo shouted, his little voice just carrying over the babble. "It's been my responsibility, so I guess I must continue to bear it." He blinked uncertainly. "But I don't know the way."

Gandalf sighed. "I will take you, Frodo, for this is as much my responsibility as yours."

Aragorn dropped to one knee so he could look Frodo in the eye. "I, too, will accompany you, Frodo."

"So will I." An extremely handsome elf with long blond hair and very blue eyes stood up. "I am Legolas of Mirkwood, and it is my task to find a way to end the troubles that have been invading my father's lands."

"Well, if some wretched elf is going, then I'm going!" Gimli immediately declared. "I wouldn't put it past you damned elves to say you're going to destroy it and then keep it for yourselves." He propped a big axe on his shoulder.

"Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam suddenly shouted. He dashed out from the shadows of an archway to stand at Frodo's side.

"We're going to!" Merry and Pippin called out and they scurried into view from another archway. Alexa and Jett skipped in behind them.

"So much for watching the kids," Zechs muttered.

Boromir cleared his throat. He had a strained look on his face. "If this is the plan, than I suppose, as the representative of Gondor, the nation most affected by Mordor, and whose blood has already been spilling to defend your lands, I must offer my services as well. Surely one such as I, who has fought the evil minions of Mordor since boyhood, is best suited to see this difficult task through to fulfillment."

"What the hell did he just say?" Heero growled under his breath.

"I think he said he's going too," Trowa murmured back.

"So why didn't he just say so?"

"Some people need more words to get their point across."

"Duh."

"And some people need less."

Elrond stood up. "Brave people," he said, his voice resonating, "the task you undertake will be fraught with danger, but your brave hearts and strong wills can still carry the day. You nine companions shall carry the hope of the world on your shoulders."

"Here's another one," Heero grumbled. "Can't he just say 'get going'?"

"There will be more than nine on this journey, Lord Elrond," Quatre said. "The eleven of us will be going as well. Twenty is a much better number than nine."

Elrond blinked in surprise. "Surely you will not take your little girls on such a dangerous mission? We would be happy to look after then here."

"That's all right. We like to keep the family together."

"Very well," Gandalf said stiffly. "Tomorrow morning, we will begin our journey. Everyone should sleep well tonight. It is a long walk to Mordor."

"Walk?!" Heero exclaimed. "Does no one in this stinking world ever ride?"


	8. The Quest Begins!

Chapter 8: **The Quest Begins!**

"How far is it to Mordor again?" Heero demanded.

"We should be able to get there by spring," Gandalf replied. He puffed a cloud of smoke from his pipe. The council was over and Gandalf and Aragorn had accompanied the Gundam pilots and the hobbits back to their suite.

"By spring?!" Heero stared at him. "But it's the middle of winter!"

"It's a long way."

"So why are we walking? That's ridiculous. Roku, do you have a plane in your storage space?"

"Ye…" Roku began.

"No!" Quatre interrupted. "He doesn't!"

"But…"

Quatre glared Roku into silence. "Just suck it up, Heero. You're getting flabby anyway. A nice long walk will do you good."

"Flabby?!" Heero stared in horror at his completely flat stomach ridged with hard muscles, his firm, smooth thighs and burnished, muscular arms.

"You're butt's been tighter," Quatre noted.

Heero looked over his shoulder, trying to see his own ass.

"There's nothing wrong with your butt, Heero," Duo assured him. "Quatre's just messing with you."

Heero flexed his gluts and poked them experimentally with a finger. "I better do more training," he muttered.

Wu-Fei rolled his eyes. "Thanks a lot, Quatre! Who do you think is going to have to do all that sparring? You owe me."

Quatre eyed Wu-Fei's stomach. "A few workouts wouldn't do you any harm either. You spend too much time with your nose in a book."

"I do not!" Wu-Fei jumped to his feet and yanked up his shirt, displaying his magnificently sculpted abs. "My abs are perfect!"

"We're all getting out of shape," Quatre continued, undeterred. "All that soft living on Mars is taking its toll. I think, in addition to maintaining a brisk traveling pace, we should spend a portion of each day in training. When was the last time any of you did a full kata?"

Guilty expressions and utter silence were the response.

"I thought as much," Quatre said archly. "I will assign a full program of kata and sparring to each of you to follow during our journey."

Merry and Pippin exchanged a look and began to giggle.

Quatre frowned at them. "Don't think I'm letting either of you off," he snapped. "A little muscle tone under your fat wouldn't hurt."

Pippin gulped. "But we don't know anything about fighting!"

"You'll learn," Quatre replied sternly. "Now then," he smiled around the room, happily talking charge. "I assume we'll be departing in the morning, so let's get organized. Duo and Roku, go to the kitchen and get supplies. Trowa, check on Bill and make sure we have enough blankets for everyone. Aragorn, find out what the others are planning to bring and get with Trowa to make sure it will all fit in Bill's packs. Gandalf, Treize and I would like to look at any maps you have of where we'll be going. The rest of you look around the suite and make sure we don't leave anything behind because I'm not flying back to get it. All right, let's get to work."

"You notice how Quatre always takes charge?" Duo remarked to Roku as they left.

"Mama likes telling people what to do."

"Yeah, but he's cute, so we let him."

The elves were quite disappointed that they would be losing their guests so soon and kept asking if couldn't some of them, at least Hadeya anyway, stay on in Rivendell while the rest went off to destroy the Ring. "It's been a long time since this place was so lively," several complained.

"Elrond wants to pack us all off to the Undying Lands," one handsome elf confided mournfully over dinner.

"It's Undying Boredom," another elf whispered, glancing quickly toward Elrond to make sure he was not overheard. "Nothing new or exciting ever happens there. That's why we came to Middle Earth."

"I heard the Mirkwood elves were planning to stay in Middle Earth," said the first.

"I suppose they can do that," the second elf sighed. "They're not High Elves like the lot in Lothlorien or Half-elven like us. We could try sneaking off to Mirkwood."

The first shook his head. "I'm terrible with the bow," he said sadly. "They'd never have me."

"Ah, that's true."

"I guess it's off to the Gray Havens for us as soon as everyone leaves," the mournful elf continued, "and goodbye Middle Earth." He lifted his wineglass. "A toast to the memory of good times."

"To good times." The other elf lifted his goblet and the two drained their glasses. "More wine!"

"They make immortality sound pretty miserable," Duo commented.

"They're doing it wrong," Hadeya said. "We were never bored in Asgard, since you never knew if you would get killed in battle the next day or not."

"Yeah, I imagine the fun of getting slaughtered and revived would put some spring in your step."

"Well, you just don't appreciate a good feast until you've had your head lopped off," Hadeya said seriously.

Duo blinked at him. "That's happened to you?"

"Just once."

"Umm… I thought only the heroes of Valhalla could be revived from death."

"Oh, anybody can be revived as long as they enter Valhalla before sunset on the day of their death. That's why the battles always ended in the afternoon; so there was time to carry the dead and all their bits and pieces back to Valhalla before sunset." Hadeya chuckled. "You wouldn't believe how annoyed some heroes would get if a finger or an ear got left behind and they healed without it."

"It can't be reattached after that?"

"No." Hadeya shrugged. "But that's why my mother decided it was all right for me to leave and look for my father. She was worried that I might lose a body part, and she hated seeing me brought back dead."

Duo blinked. "Well, I could see where that might upset someone."

"I thought she was being a little unreasonable," Hadeya said. "It's not like I was going to stay dead. But still, it did get me permission to leave, so I suppose I shouldn't judge her too harshly."

Elrond stood up and cleared his throat to draw everyone's attention. "My friends and brothers," he intoned in a deep, resonant voice, "Tomorrow, our comrades will embark upon the gravest mission ever undertaken in the history of Middle Earth. Upon their shoulders rides the hope of the whole world, of every creature large and small, and with them goes our deepest faith that they will succeed, for we have no other choice but to pray for their success. So lift your glasses, one and all, and let us drink a final toast to those who will risk their lives to save us all." He raised his glass into the air and everyone did likewise. Slowly, he moved the glass to his lips and took a long sip. When he lowered his glass, he looked around the room solemnly. "It saddens me to say that this may be the last time some of us meet, but so it must be. So make your goodbyes tonight, for in the morning, our ways must part."

Several elves immediately descended on Hadeya. "Please join us for a goodbye bath, Hadeya! Let us savor your beauty and charm for one more night!"

"Ah!" Hadeya cried out, but he was already being dragged away.

Duo chuckled. "So much for abstinence." He grinned at Heero. "Feel like working off some of that butt flab?"

"You said my butt was fine!"

"It probably is, but would it hurt to give it a nice workout?"

"What do you mean 'probably'?" Heero scowled. But he nevertheless poked worriedly at one of his butt cheeks again.

Duo stood up and took his hand. "Come on. Let's go outside. I will examine your bottom close-up and give you a detailed report."

"All right, but you better not try to stick anything in my ass while you're looking."

"Who, me?" They went outside and Duo led the way under a nearby footbridge. "This is good. Drop your drawers."

"What?! Right here?" Heero looked around, but as the sun had set, it was fairly gloomy under the bridge. "Why can't we just go back to the room?"

"Because if I check out your ass in complete privacy, I am far more likely to try to stick something in it," Duo said, grinning. "So come on. Show it to me."

Grumbling under his breath, Heero shed the voluminous elven trousers he was wearing to reveal his normal tight-fitting spandex shorts. He peeled these down and presented Duo with his nicely-shaped buttocks.

"Bend over."

"No! You'll claim it was an invitation."

"Oh, fine." Duo stepped closer and grasped Heero's bottom with both hands. He massaged the firm flesh in silence for several long seconds.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"You're supposed to be checking for flab! Have you found any?"

"The skin's a little loose right here."

"That's my asshole, asshole! You're supposed to be checking the meaty bits!"

"Right, right." Duo continued to massage Heero's ass.

"I think you're just feeling me up," Heero accused.

"Would I do that?" Duo's hands wandered around to the front. "Besides, if I was feeling you up, I'd be fondling this bad boy right here."

"Get your hand off my dick! There's no flab there!"

"I'll say, although it's hard to tell when it's all soft like this. I can fix that."

"Unh!" Heero grunted. "Would you please stop rubbing that?"

"But I'm getting rid of the flab. See? All fixed."

Heero groaned. "If I wanted a hand-job, I would have asked for one."

"Well, since I've already started, why don't I just finish? I'm having fun."

"Pervert," Heero grumbled. Then he looked up. "I think someone's on the bridge."

Duo stopped rubbing and they both listened to the footsteps that were crossing the bridge from the far side. Then more footsteps came from the nearer side, accompanied by Aragorn's voice.

"Oy, Legolas, have you found what you were looking for?" Aragorn said.

"Yes, thank you. The armory was quite well stocked and I found a number of arrows that will work with my bow."

The two men stopped almost directly overhead.

Duo pulled Heero closer and started rubbing again.

Heero moaned under his breath. "Stop that!"

"Keep it down," Duo whispered. "They'll hear you." He put his other hand over Heero's mouth and kept rubbing.

"I am glad you will be accompanying us, Legolas," Aragorn said. "The bowmen of Mirkwood are renowned throughout Middle Earth. I fear we will have need of your skill before our task is done."

"I am honored to be of service," Legolas replied. "Although I have not traveled far beyond the confines of my forest home ere now, I am ready to face the trials ahead."

"I have traveled in Mirkwood," Aragorn remarked. "That place is no easy home. I am sure the people raised under those dark boughs are of unquestioned strength and bravery. No doubt you will be at the forefront of the action should we find ourselves engaged in combat."

"With you at my side, I am sure," Legolas said. "The Rangers are known the world over for their cunning and loyalty."

"Geez!" Duo muttered. "These two should give up on the weak attempts at verbal foreplay and just make out."

"Aragorn!" Arwen's melodious voice, sounding a bit less melodious than usual, rang out from the far end of the bridge. "I have been looking for you."

"Good evening, Arwen," Aragorn said. "I believe you have met Legolas of Mirkwood. He is soon to be my companion on our quest."

"Yes, we've met," Arwen said shortly.

"My lady," Legolas said gravely. "If you will excuse me, I have a few more preparations to make." His footsteps receded off the bridge.

"What were you talking about?" Arwen asked. "You looked very intent."

"We were just discussing the quest," Aragorn said.

"Oh." Arwen drew a breath. "I have something for you," she purred in a sultry tone.

"This is your pendant!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"Yes," Arwen replied. "By giving it to you, I show my intent to be yours one day."

Duo made a choking sound. "I think she's got that backwards," he muttered. "She's putting her brand on him, if you ask me."

Heero groaned.

"Did you hear something?" Arwen exclaimed.

"No," Aragorn answered. "Shall we go inside?"

They walked off the bridge and Duo uncovered Heero's mouth. "Was that good? It's always good for me if there's a chance of getting discovered."

"I'm not you, you pervert!" Heero snapped. He pulled his shorts up and snatched up his trousers. "I'm going back to the room." He stamped away.

"Ok!" Duo skipped along after him. "I'll come too. You can punish me for abusing you."

Heero just growled and shook his head.

"Please? You can spank me!"

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me."

Heero rolled his eyes, but he let Duo take his hand.

"Let's find Wu-Fei and give him a bath," Duo said cheerfully. "I bet he needs oiling."

"You just want to get his clothes off."

"It's his fault for showing off his sexy little tummy. And anyway, once we hit the road and Quatre dumps his training program on us, who knows when we'll next have time for a nice quiet threesome?"

"When are you ever quiet?"

"I was quiet just now."

"That's because you weren't the one getting the hand-job!"

Duo giggled. "So let's get Wu-Fei all slick and oily and see if he can be quiet during a hand-job."

"Whatever," Heero sighed.

The next morning, everyone turned out to see the Fellowship off. Standing by the placid Bill the pony, Trowa made a few more adjustments to his pack.

"How's that feel, Bill? Not too heavy?"

"It's fine," Bill replied. He tossed his mane, which was gleaming and silky-smooth. "I'll miss this place. These elves really know how to use a curry-brush."

"You do look mighty smooth," Trowa chuckled.

"And sweet-smelling!" Bill added, flicking his tail.

Quatre joined them. "How's Bill? Ready to go?"

"Yup." Trowa patted Bill's side. "And he's proved that the elves can't escape the need to bathe and brush anything with hair."

"He does look good. But I think Hadeya wins." Quatre nodded toward the young demi-god. "I'm not sure Freya would recognize him with his hair like that."

"It looks good on him, though."

Hadeya slumped up to them and leaned against Bill's side. "I'm cutting my hair," he groaned.

"But you look nice with braids."

"And the jeweled ribbons?" Hadeya complained. "Are they really appropriate?"

"The colors compliment your skin."

Hadeya groaned and rubbed his temples.

"Are you up for this?" Trowa said. "We're going to be walking a long way today."

"I'll run to get away from these wretched elves!" Hadeya responded fervently.

Quatre chuckled. "Let's hope everyone shares your eagerness." He turned to survey the crowd. "It looks like everyone's here." He went over to where Gandalf was talking quietly with Elrond. "Daylight's wasting, Gandalf. We should hit the road."

"You are quite right," Elrond said, answering for Gandalf. He stepped forward. "My friends, I wish you good luck on your journey. Rely on each other, for you are all bound with a common purpose, and that purpose will give you strength. Be vigilant; be strong; be true to each other. I will watch over you from afar."

"Good speech," Heero muttered. "Nice and short. Let's go."

Gandalf clapped a hand on Frodo's shoulder. "The Ring-Bearer will lead us," he announced.

Frodo blinked in surprise. He looked around quickly at all the expectant faces and nervously straightened his shoulders. Then he turned toward the gate and marched out with Gandalf right behind him. The others followed him out, with Heero, Duo and Wu-Fei bringing up the rear. Once beyond the gate, Roku ranged ahead of them.

Hadeya caught up with him, apparently determined to put as much distance between himself and Rivendell as quickly as possible. "Do you know where you're going, Roku?"

"Not really, but Gandalf said we needed to go south, so I'm going south."

"Makes sense."

"You smell good."

Hadeya sighed. "It's the jasmine perfume. They put it in the bath water and combed it through my hair. Let me know when you smell a stream. I want to rinse off."

"But you're already clean."

"Don't remind me," Hadeya grumbled. "I'm clean in places that no man should have cleaned by someone else."

Roku chuckled. "I thought you smelled unusually fresh."

The trail they followed went up a series of ridges climbing toward distant peaks, cut by swift streams that Hadeya forded with considerably more splashing than was necessary. Around midday, they crested a particularly high ridge that afforded them a panoramic view of the surrounding valleys and the sharp peaks rising ahead of them.

"Let's stop for lunch," Quatre ordered. "I think it's time for some training."

The hobbits flopped onto the ground panting.

"But we've just walked for longer than any hobbit has ever walked in the history of hobbits!" Pippin groaned loudly. "I can't raise my arms right now, much less a sword."

"Oh, nonsense!" Quatre waved a hand. "That little jaunt was just to get the kinks out of our legs. We'll be going even farther tomorrow."

"He wants to kill us!" Pippin groaned to Merry.

"Don't talk to me!" Merry groaned back. "Listening hurts!"

"Are you all right, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked. "Is your shoulder bothering you?"

Frodo rubbed the spot where he had been stabbed. "It aches a little, but I'm all right."

Roku strolled over and sniffed Frodo's shoulder, which was just a little bit higher than his nose. "It still smells kind of tainted," he said. "I don't think I can make that go away, but I'll try." He touched Frodo's shoulder with his nose. "_Bene corpus._"

"Oh!" Frodo touched his shoulder. "The ache is gone!"

Roku frowned. "Yeah, but the taint is still there. That's annoying. It's really sticky, like tar. I'm sorry."

"That's all right, Roku," Frodo said. "It's nice that it doesn't hurt anymore. Are those sausages?"

"Yup." Duo, Gimli and Trowa were busily building a fire with a pile of sausages sitting on a rock beside them.

Jett, in panther form, inched up to the rock unnoticed on her belly, snatched one of the sausages and made a break for it.

"Hey!" Duo dived after her and just managed to catch a hind paw. "You can wait just like everyone else, young lady." He pried the sausage out of her mouth.

"Aw man!" Jett grumbled. She slunk away and plopped down under a bush.

"Nice try, Jett," Roku said. "Next time, take a big jump and then start running."

Duo pointed a cooking fork at him. "You just keep your distance, Stripey. And quit giving her guidance on how to misbehave."

"Misbehaving, like any activity, should be done properly," Roku replied sagely. He stuck his nose under his left front leg, produced a sausage and tossed it to the sulking little panther. "Here you go, Jett."

"Yay!" Jett gulped the sausage down happily.

"Where did you get that?" Duo demanded suspiciously.

Roku just smiled.

Once the hobbits had a few dozen sausages under their belts, they perked up considerably, so Quatre put everyone to work either sparring or performing katas. Since the Middle Earthers seemed to have no idea what a kata was, he had them spar with the hobbits while he led the others through a series of complex forms. Even Jett and Alexa were not let off the hook. Nor was Roku, whom Quatre insisted return to human form so he could train, too.

"What nonsense!" Gandalf muttered. "All this prancing about when one is supposed to be resting."

"I quite agree," Gimli huffed. "We dwarves are always at our physical peak. It is just part of our superior breeding."

"That's your physical peak?" Legolas said disparagingly. "An elf as pudgy as you would be laughed off the practice range."

"Pudgy?!" Gimli exploded. "I am not pudgy! This is pure muscle! If you doubt it, come over here and I'll flog you over the head with my pudge!"

"I wouldn't waste my time," Legolas sniffed. "I doubt I would even notice your weak little fists flailing at me."

"Weak… little…?!" Gimli appeared at a loss for words to express his outrage.

"What's that?" Alexa pointed at the horizon.

Everyone turned to look, squinting against the brightness of the sky.

"It's birds," Roku said.

"_Crebain_ from Dunland!" Legolas clarified in alarm.

"Hide!" Gandalf ordered quickly.

People began diving under bushes and behind rocks, dragging belongings with them, except for Roku, who just changed back to tiger form and hopped onto a rock to watch. As the birds neared them, their loud screeches echoed across the ridge. Once they were overhead, the birds circled the spot where they were hiding a few times and then flew off, still screeching raucously.

"I think they saw us," Roku said.

"Undoubtedly," Gandalf agreed. "We dare not go past Isengard now. We'll have to go over Caradhras." He looked toward the mountains, where a towering peak encased in snow and ice glittered above them.

"Excuse me?!" Gimli exclaimed. "You expect us to go over that?"

"There's a pass. It's a little high, but we should be able to make it if it doesn't snow."

"Famous last words," Zechs murmured.

"Why don't we just go through the Mines of Moria?" Gimli complained. "There would be no snow to contend with and my cousin Balin recently reopened the mines. We'd have warm beds and good food for a few nights."

"No!" Gandalf quickly shook his head. "Not the Mines. The pass is safer. We'd better get moving."

"Is this wise?" Boromir murmured to Aragorn as they set out. He and Aragorn were bringing up the rear this time. "The hobbits are barefoot and we have two young girls with us. Hiking through knee deep snow hardly strikes me as a good idea."

"We must trust that Gandalf knows what he's doing," Aragorn murmured back. "He has battled Sauron for centuries."

Boromir frowned and studied Frodo's back. "I still say it would be better to use the Ring to defeat Sauron. Beat him at his own game."

"And then become him?" Aragorn retorted softly. "We cannot fight this evil except with the strength of our arms."

"Then we are destined to lose," Boromir replied stiffly. He pushed ahead, looking sharply at Frodo as he moved past him.

"I don't like the way Boromir talks," Zechs said to Treize. "Just how tainted with evil is this Ring?"

"We should talk to Roku," Treize answered. "We may need to plan for people falling out of their right minds at some point."

"We could just start stuffing them in his storage space if there are problems," Zechs said. "Roku said living things just go into stasis there."

"That's a viable option," Treize agreed.

Duo looked over his shoulder at them. "Quatre is never going to let you stuff people into Roku's storage space."

"We weren't planning to leave them there."

"I'm not sure he'd see the distinction."

"Nevertheless, we should keep it under consideration."

"It's your hide," Duo shrugged.

Roku came trotting back down the hill. "There's snow on the next ridge!" he reported.

"There should be a cave up ahead where we can make camp for the night," Gandalf said. "I don't want to try the mountain slopes until morning." The sun was starting to sink in the west, stretching their shadows toward the east.

"That's the first sensible suggestion he's made," Heero grumbled. "I still say we should have brought horses."

"Horses would have a tough time getting over that pass," Trowa said. "I'm not sure how we're going to get Bill over."

"Bill's tough," Heero said, "which is more than I can say for these chubby little hobbits. We're going to end up carrying them again."

"We can manage!" Merry spoke up defensively. "We've walked all over the Shire! We love hiking! Isn't that right, Pippin?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Pippin stared up at Caradhras, which loomed over them like a forecast of doom. He sidled closer to Heero. "I wouldn't mind being carried if it gets really steep."

"Pippin!"

"At least one of you is not delusional," Heero stated.

They crested the ridge and climbed onto a steep meadow that sloped up to the base of a sheer cliff. Snow covered the meadow and lay in the crevices of the cliff.

Gandalf gestured toward a dark smudge on the cliff face. "There is the cave," he said. "We will stop there."

But when they arrived, Gimli stared around in disgust. "You call this a cave?! It is little more than an indentation in the rock!"

"You can always dig it deeper for us with your great big muscles," Legolas sneered.

"And I'll use your head as my pickaxe!" Gimli retorted hotly.

"Would you two quit sniping at each other?" Gandalf exclaimed wearily. "Let's light a fire and eat. In the morning, we will brave the mountain pass."

Standing at the front of the shallow cave next to Bill, Trowa pursed his lips. "What do you think, Bill? Can you get over that mountain?"

Bill blew steam out of his wide nostrils. "I may not have to. It's going to snow in the morning."

"Bill thinks it's going to snow," Trowa reported.

"Like I said," Zechs sighed. "Famous last words."


	9. The Mines of Moria

Chapter 9: **The Mines of Moria**

In the morning, a steady snowfall drifted down out of a slate gray sky. Fluffy new powder already covered the ground knee-deep for the hobbits.

"The snow will let up," Gandalf predicted. "Let's continue to the pass."

They forged out into the freezing morning after a cold breakfast of bread and cheese. It didn't take long before everyone under 150cm was riding on someone's back to stay out of snow that was rapidly approaching chest deep for the shorter travelers. The snowfall did let up briefly, as Gandalf thought it would, but sometime after midday it started again, coming down in thick wet flakes that stuck to skin and clothing.

"How much farther is it to the pass?" Boromir asked. He was laboring along with Sam on his back, having taken over from Treize.

Gandalf peered ahead. "I think we're nearly there."

"How can you tell?" Heero demanded. "We can't see three meters in front of our faces!"

"I'm quite certain that looming shadow ahead is a landmark I've been looking for."

"You mean that shadow there?" Wu-Fei pointed.

"Yes."

Wu-Fei shot a thick stream of flame in the indicated direction, sizzling snow instantly into steam and illuminating the way ahead. A black wall of rock faced them.

"What in Sauron's name was that?!" Gimli shouted in alarm. He whipped out his axe and pointed the sharp prong on the tip at Wu-Fei. "What manner of evil dragon are you?"

"The kind who will singe your beard off if you keep point that axe at me!" Wu-Fei snapped.

Gimli blinked and lowered his axe. "Never met a dragon that could be trusted," he mumbled. "Always stealing treasure and driving decent folks out of their homes."

"I have no interest in your treasure or your home," Wu-Fei replied. "And I'm not a dragon. I just have one or two minor dragon-like traits."

"I wouldn't call breathing fire minor."

"But in this case it's useful," Aragorn interrupted to end the argument. He turned to Gandalf. "That looks like a sheer cliff. Are you sure we're on the right path?"

"We may be a little further north than we should be," Gandalf acknowledged. He faced to his right. "If we go this way, there should be a path around the face of the cliff and from there we can reach the pass."

"Is he nuts?" Duo muttered. "He wants to take a path on the face of a cliff in a snowstorm?"

"I'll go first," Wu-Fei said. "I'll melt the snow so we know we're walking on rock."

They proceeded in the direction Gandalf said, with Wu-Fei periodically melting the way clear. But when they finally made their way around the cliff face to the so-called path, everyone with an ounce of sense immediately objected.

"There's no way I'm setting foot on that!" Gimli protested.

"What are you worried about?" Legolas said lightly. "There's nothing to it." He took several paces out onto the path, his light elven steps failing to sink into the snow.

"Hmph!" Gimli snorted. "For someone without a proper man's weight like you, of course it seems simple."

"I have a man's weight!" Legolas retorted. "I just don't stump along like a crippled moose braying at every step."

"Would you two be quiet?" Quatre ordered. "Gandalf, Gimli is right. There's no way we can safely take this path in a snowstorm. There has to be another way."

"There is!" Gimli said loudly, ignoring Quatre's orders to be quiet. "We should go through the Mines of Moria, which will take us all the way under the mountains."

"The Mines are too dangerous!" Gandalf objected.

"Why?" Quatre asked.

Gandalf remained silent for several moments. "Frodo must decide," he said finally. "It is the Ringbearer who leads us."

Frodo started in surprise. An icicle hung from the end of his nose and snow flakes clung to his eyebrows. His cheeks were bright pink and he was shivering. "We should go through the mines," he said quickly, glancing at the other hobbits for confirmation. The other three, looking as miserable as Frodo, nodded in quick agreement.

"So be it," Gandalf sighed. He turned back rather reluctantly and began retracing his steps.

The snowfall got heavier as they progressed and it soon became impractical for Wu-Fei to melt it because it just turned to slush, which proved to be even harder to walk through than the snow, especially when it quickly refroze into slippery ice underfoot. So they slogged along through the deepening snow and growing darkness until they made it back to the cave from which they'd departed that morning.

"We need a fire," Zechs said. "The children are freezing." He had Alexa wrapped inside his cloak, with only the top of her head showing. Jett, wrapped securely inside Duo's cloak, could not be seen at all.

Without further prompting, Roku tumbled an enormous pile of firewood from somewhere inside his storage space. Trowa and Treize quickly assembled a bunch of it into a neat lattice structure, so it could draw air and burn cleanly, and Wu-Fei set it ablaze.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Pippin exclaimed. He quickly extended his feet to the fire. "I think my toes were about to fall off."

"Me, too!" Sam agreed. He and the other hobbits crowded in close beside Pippin to warm their feet.

Zechs and Duo deposited their little girls beside the hobbits to warm up.

"That's definitely better," Quatre said. "How long will it take us to reach the entrance to these mines? If it keeps snowing like this, we could be in trouble trying to get off the mountain."

"Two or three days, I would estimate," Gandalf said.

"That doesn't sound too bad, especially if we can get out of the snow."

"There should be no snow near the mine."

This time, Gandalf's prediction about snow proved more accurate. The morning after the snowstorm was clear, so they were able to hike down fairly easily. It took them all day to get off the mountain and find a suitable camping spot, but they were below the snowline, which made everyone happy. After another day and half of brisk walking, they crested a ridge and came into view of a towering granite wall with a still, dark lake at its base.

"Ah!" Gimli exclaimed. "That is the western wall of Moria! The entrance is somewhere beyond that lake."

"We'll have to go around the lake," Aragorn said. "It's bigger than I remember."

Gandalf nodded. "I also recall that it did not used to be so close to the base of the cliff. We will have to be careful."

They made their way down to the lakeshore and circled around it until they were walking along a narrow track at the very base of the cliff. By this time, night had fallen and a nearly full moon cast streaks of light on the unmoving water of the lake.

Gimli walked along with gleaming eyes, his hand sliding over the slick, damp stone. "Dwarf doors are hard to find when you don't already know where they are," he said importantly. "They are designed to blend invisibly with the rock face."

"Well, that's useless," Legolas snorted.

Gimli glared at him. "It keeps out elvish trash effectively," he snapped back.

Legolas started to reach for his knife with an angry scowl on his face.

Aragorn caught his hand. "Stop fighting, you two," he said quietly. "And keep your voices down. The cliff causes echoes that amplify every sound."

Legolas made a face, but he let his hand fall to his waist.

Gandalf meanwhile had come to a halt, staring at a stretch of unmarked rock with a couple of spindly trees growing on either side. He mumbled under his breath and slid his hand across the stone. Magically, an intricate design in glimmering silver shimmered into view, revealing the shape of a doorway with words written above it.

"That looks like elvish writing," Frodo said. "What does it say?"

"It says 'the Doors of Durin; speak, friend, and enter'," Gandalf replied. "I think it means you must say the password and the doors will open." He proceeded to utter several different phrases in a variety of languages, but the doors remained steadfastly closed. "Bah!" he exclaimed finally. "This is ridiculous!" He plopped down on a rock in irritation.

While Gandalf was failing to open the doors, Trowa and Aragorn were unloading Bill's packs.

"We'll have to carry everything from now on," Aragorn said, "so we should split this up into multiple packs."

"We could just have Roku carry it," Trowa said.

Aragorn pursed his lips. "I feel better when I can monitor the supplies personally."

"Roku can give you a daily inventory. He always knows what's in his storage space."

Aragorn thought about this for awhile, but finally shook his head. "It would be good for the hobbits to share the burden. It will toughen them up."

"That's a good point."

When Bill was completely unloaded, Trowa took off his halter. "I'm sorry to leave you on your own like this, Bill. But Gandalf doesn't think you will be able to navigate the mines."

Bill tossed his head. "That's all right. I have no intention of going into some dark hole in the ground. That's where the evil stuff usually lives. I would advise against you going there."

"I appreciate the thought, but it looks like we have to." Trowa patted Bill's flank. "You should go back to Rivendell."

"I was considering that," Bill whiffed through his nose. "Those elves really know how to tend a horse." He turned around and started back around the lake. Roku trotted after him and they touched noses briefly. Then Bill broke into a brisk trot and quickly disappeared.

Frodo stood up and stared at the unopened doors. "Maybe it's a riddle," he murmured. "Riddles always seem to play a significant role in the life of us Bagginses. Gandalf, what's the elvish word for friend?"

"_Mellon_," Gandalf answered. Immediately, a dark split appeared between the silvery outlines of the doors and the rock face opened, revealing a dark cavern. Gandalf smacked his forehead. "I read it wrong!" he exclaimed. "It says 'speak friend and enter'! Foolish me!" He stood up. "Let us proceed."

"Seems odd that an elvish word would be the password to a dwarf cavern," Legolas said in an offhandedly loud voice.

Gimli grunted something guttural under his breath.

Roku sniffed the air. "Are you sure you want to go in there? There're dead people inside."

"What?!" Gimli exclaimed, staring in horror into the cavern.

"Of course, there is the giant monster in the lake."

"What?!" Gimli whirled to stare at the lake.

At that moment, a long tentacle snaked out of the lake and grabbed Frodo around the ankle.

"AH!" Frodo cried.

"Mister Frodo!" Sam shouted. "Strider! Help him!" He hacked at the tentacle holding Frodo, but was promptly knocked down by another one. Merry and Pippin rushed to grab Frodo's arms. More tentacles appeared to smack them away and a hideous monster reared up out of the lake, opening a giant mouth filled with glistening teeth and a horrendous stench. It snatched Frodo up into the air, dangling him over its open mouth. Aragorn and Boromir started hacking at tentacles, trying to cut Frodo free. Wu-Fei shot fire at the creature and Quatre pitched fireballs at it. The creature screamed and dropped Frodo.

"Into the mines!" Gandalf shouted. He led the way in at a dash and everyone raced after him. Wu-Fei and Quatre stood by the doors blasting fire at the monster while Aragorn and Boromir bolted through lugging Frodo. Then they dove inside as the creature ripped off the doors and collapsed the entrance.

When silence finally fell, Sam wiped a shaking hand across his face. "I hope Bill's all right."

"He's fine," Roku said. "I told him about the monster so he wouldn't dawdle."

"And you didn't mention it to us?!" Duo demanded.

"Well, we were planning to leave, too, so it didn't seem that important."

"Until the dead people in the cave turned up," Zechs remarked.

"Yeah, until then."

"Wait a minute!" Legolas said. "I thought you said your cousin lived here, Gimli! Why is this cave full of dead people?"

"No!" Gimli cried. He dashed about, looking at the rotting corpses. "These are my kinsmen! They've been slaughtered!"

Legolas pulled an arrow from a skull. "By orcs, apparently! We shouldn't have come here!"

"It's a bit late for that," Treize remarked calmly. "We can hardly go back the way we came."

"That's right," Gandalf said heavily. "We'll have to go through the mines. It's a three day walk to the other side. Let's hope our presence goes unnoticed." He tapped his staff on the ground and a light appeared at the tip. "Let's go."

"That's a puny light," Quatre noted. He held up his hand and produced a large yellow fireball that filled the cavern with light and revealed all of the dead in their rotting glory. "That's a proper light."

"Such a bright light might be noticed," Gandalf cautioned. "We must be careful."

"Oh, fine!" Quatre toned his light down to a muted glow that just illuminated the members of their party. "How's that?"

"Much better." Gandalf started up a flight of rough hewn stairs. "Stay close and watch your step. The footing will be treacherous until we reach the dwarf city."

They climbed the corpse and muck covered stairs and proceeded into the dark, dank mine. Roku walked in the lead, despite Gandalf's repeated urging for him to hang back because he didn't know the way.

"It's a cave," Roku shrugged. "How lost can we get?"

"Very lost!" Gandalf said stiffly. "These mines extend for miles in all directions, including down. We must travel with the utmost care."

"Whatever," Roku muttered.

"Did Roku actually say something rude just then?" Zechs murmured to Treize. "That's a first."

"One can hardly blame him," Treize replied. "Gandalf is a bit stiff, and he totally blew that call about going over the pass."

"That's true."

After going through a rather narrow passage, they entered a large cavern containing the smashed remains of several dwellings. The exit on the far side of the cavern was an extremely steep staircase into another relatively narrow passage. At the end of this passage was a small cavern with an old smithy in it.

"It's late," Gandalf said. "We'll rest here for a few hours. We should avoid drawing attention to our presence. We cannot afford a fire."

"Another cold meal," Gimli grumbled. "How is a dwarf supposed to keep up his strength?"

"Would you like a roast chicken, Mister Gimli?" Roku asked.

"You have a roast chicken?"

"I have several."

Quatre stared suspiciously at Roku. "Did you raid the kitchen at Rivendell?"

"They said I could stock up."

"Did you mention that your storage space is infinite?!"

"It's not infinite!" Roku waved a paw. "Not quite, anyway."

"Close enough! What did you take, you striped kleptomaniac?"

"Do you want a complete inventory?"

Quatre put a hand over his face. "No."

"I'd like a roast chicken!" Alexa spoke up.

"Me, too!" Jett stuck up her hand eagerly. Her voice echoed around the chamber. She grinned sheepishly and put a hand over her mouth.

Roku produced three roast chickens. "Anyone else?"

When pretty much everyone was munching on roast chicken, Quatre shook his head. "Do you suppose there's any food left in Rivendell?"

"The elves will survive," Trowa said.

"But still," Quatre grumbled. "People shouldn't enable a kleptomaniac by saying 'Go ahead! Take what you want!' Nothing will be left."

"Roku isn't that bad."

"How do you know? Have you checked his storage space lately?"

"This chicken is pretty good," Trowa responded, completely off-topic. "Maybe you should try some."

"Oh, fine!" Quatre accepted a leg of chicken from Trowa.

After a dessert of spiced apple turnovers, everyone settled down to sleep while Gandalf kept watch. Boromir and Aragorn weren't really sleeping either, and Boromir watched the Gundam pilots settle down with a scandalized and slightly superior expression on his face.

"Aren't you going to keep watch over your children?" Boromir asked Treize in a shocked tone.

Treize hooked a thumb at Roku. "He handles early warning." He closed his eyes.

"Besides," Zechs added without opening his, "Didn't you see Quatre flinging warding spells all over the place when we stopped?"

"Warding spells?"

"Flash-bangs," Quatre clarified from where he lay with his head on Trowa's stomach. "I'd avoid stepping on one if I were you. They'll decay by morning. I think."

"You think?" Trowa raised an eyebrow.

"Mostly. They shouldn't do more than pop in six hours or so."

"That's encouraging."

"Everyone should sleep," Gandalf said pointedly to Boromir. "We may need all our strength ere we escape this place."

"I wish he had said 'leave' rather than 'escape'," Duo muttered. "Freud would have a lot to say about his word choices."

"Can't you just read his mind and find out what's so dangerous about these mines?" Wu-Fei asked.

Duo shook his head. "I tried. Gandalf's head is a cacophony. It's like twenty people all thinking at once really loud. Picking out one train of thought is damn near impossible."

"Too bad."

After a few hours sleep, Gandalf roused everyone. "We should move on."

"Don't wanna wake up!" Jett complained sleepily.

Duo picked her up and draped her over one shoulder. "Damn! You're getting heavy."

"Am not."

"Then how come your feet are banging into my knees?"

"You're short."

"Oh, thanks!"

"I still love you, Momma, even if you're short." Jett's remark ended in a soft snore.

Heero snorted. "You are kind of short."

"We're the same height!"

"I never said I wasn't short."

"You're all short," Zechs said. "Adolescents."

"Smaller men make better Gundam pilots," Wu-Fei retorted, a little offended.

"But I still kicked your butts," Zechs pointed out.

"Would you all be quiet?" Quatre admonished. "We're supposed to be sneaking quietly through a dangerous cavern. And anyway, size doesn't matter."

"It certainly doesn't when you're talking about your Gundam," Heero agreed. "Then, only the size of your gun matters. Quatre's dinky and he blew up that colony."

"Do you have to bring that up?" Quatre said testily.

"What? I thought that was pretty impressive." Heero nodded approvingly. "You really drove your point home."

"What's a colony?" Pippin asked curiously.

"It's like a town, you idiot!" Merry exclaimed before anyone else could speak.

"A town?!" Pippin squeaked. "You blew up a town?!"

"It was more like a large city," Heero clarified helpfully.

The hobbits stared at Quatre in horror.

Quatre scowled. "Geez! You destroy one measly colony and it haunts you the rest of your life. There was hardly anybody in it!"

"It bothered you at the time," Trowa reminded him.

"Yeah, it was a little upsetting, I admit, but I worked through it. Hey, is there light up ahead?"

Everyone looked ahead curiously as the passage they were following opened out into another cavern.

"Now this place is finally starting to look like a mine," Hadeya remarked casually. "I worked in one for a few years after I left Asgard. What did they mine here?"

"Mithril," Gandalf said. He raised his staff. "I'll risk a little more light." As the light at the tip of his staff grew brighter, it was reflected by countless streaks of brilliant silver crisscrossing the rocks all around them.

"How pretty!" Alexa exclaimed.

"Yes, it is quite pretty," Gandalf agreed. "It is also one of the hardest substances known to man, yet it is so light even you could wear a mail shirt made of mithril rings and not feel the weight. Bilbo had a shirt of mithril rings that Thorin gave him years ago."

"That was a kingly gift!" Gimli exclaimed.

"Indeed." Gandalf let his light fade. "Let us move on."

They continued through the caverns and tunnels, going up and down staircases, until they came to an intersection at the top of a steep flight of stairs. Gandalf stopped with a grunt.

Frodo stopped beside him. "Gandalf, why have you stopped?"

His brow furrowed in thought, Gandalf stared alternately down the two more or less identical tunnels facing him. "I have no memory of this place," he said. He sank down on a rock. "Let's rest for a minute."

They all sat down and Roku passed out canteens. After a moment, Frodo blinked and fixed his eyes on something behind and below them. "What's that?" He pointed.

"It's Gollum," Gandalf said. "He's been following us for a while."

"You know what it is?" Heero snapped. "You could have said something! I was just about to go back and hack it up just to be safe."

"You, too?" Zechs said.

"I was thinking the same thing," Wu-Fei put in.

"Gollum is a sad creature," Gandalf said. "Many who die deserve to live and many who live deserve to die. Are you prepared to give it to them?"

"Yes!" all seven Gundam pilots cracked out in unison.

"Um…" Frodo said.

"Listen to me," Gandalf continued, frowning at the others. "Gollum has a role yet to play, I feel. We'll leave him alone for now."

"That's stupid," Heero said. "A dead threat can't bite you in the ass later."

"We'll leave him for now!" Gandalf repeated sternly.

"Fine!" Heero grated. He sidled over to Roku. "Make sure he keeps his distance."

"Yes, Papa."


	10. The Balrog

Chapter 10: **The Balrog**

When Gandalf called another halt for what would hopefully be their last night in the mines, they made camp in an ancient dwarf mansion built into the wall of a cave overlooking a deep canyon glittering with streaks of mithril.

"What a beautiful home!" Gimli exclaimed. "I could happily live in such a fine dwelling."

"It's a hole in the wall," Legolas sniffed, unimpressed.

"Better than living in a hollowed out tree trunk!"

"We do not live in tree trunks!"

"Didn't Bilbo say that the Mirkwood elves lived in an underground cavern?" Pippin whispered to Frodo.

"I think I remember that from his stories, too," Merry said.

"Aha!" Gimli exclaimed triumphantly.

Legolas glared at the hobbits.

"Would you all quit arguing so we can eat?" Alexa demanded in annoyance. "We've been walking all day and I'm hungry."

"Me, too!" Jett grumbled, her lower lip stuck out petulantly.

Just inside the front door of the dwarf mansion was a large entrance hall. Roku and Wu-Fei quickly started a fire and Sam helped them prepare a meal. After dinner, Zechs looked at Treize with a speculative expression.

"I was thinking of doing a little exploring before bed," Zechs said. "Would you like to join me?"

Treize smiled. "That sounds interesting. I wouldn't mind seeing more of this dwarf architecture."

The two of them started up the staircase at the rear of the hall, but before they disappeared from sight, they began holding hands.

Duo grinned. "Say, Heero, feel like doing some exploring, too?"

"No."

"But this place looks huge. I bet there are at least a dozen rooms. Let's check it out. Maybe we'll find a bedroom."

Heero rolled his eyes. "You're so transparent."

"Aw, come on! Let's look around."

Heero sighed heavily and stood up. "Oh, all right!"

"Want to join us, Wu-Fei?"

"I'm asleep," Wu-Fei replied.

"You just lay down!"

"I fall asleep quickly."

"If you were asleep, you wouldn't be talking."

"I sometimes talk in my sleep, I've been told."

"I've never noticed that tendency in you."

"That's because you're asleep and don't hear me."

Heero stamped over, grabbed Wu-Fei by the arm and yanked him to his feet. "You're coming with us. He's in one of those moods and I'm not entertaining him by myself."

"Dang it!"

The three of them went up the stairs and vanished into the darkness.

"Is it safe to let them go off like that?" Frodo asked Gandalf. "There could be anything hiding up there, or it could be structurally unsound."

"A dwarf cave home is never unsound, no matter how old it is," Gimli said.

"I would not have stopped here if I thought it was unsafe," Gandalf assured Frodo. "Get some sleep. We cannot tarry long."

"Say, Hadeya," Trowa said. "Do you mind holding down the fort for a little while?"

Hadeya smiled. "Not at all."

"Thanks! Quatre, let's go look around, too."

Quatre heaved a theatrical sigh. "I wondered how long that would take. I'm just warning you now: I'm not doing anything weird."

Trowa held out his empty hands. "See? No props."

"Good."

Aragorn watched them leave with a faintly amused expression, but Boromir looked scandalized.

"Such behavior is hardly appropriate for men of good breeding!" Boromir huffed. "Just where did you find these companions, Aragorn? Such men would never be found within the borders of Gondor."

"They're good men in a fight," Aragorn replied with a shrug, "and loyal to their companions. I do not judge them on any other grounds."

Boromir shifted uncomfortably. "I did not mean to imply that their passions made them lesser men. I merely question the timing and location of their, ah, activities."

"One should squeeze in moments of joy where one can," Aragorn said. "In these times, joy is a rare commodity."

"Well, I suppose that's true." Boromir settled against a wall and wrapped his cloak around his knees. "I, however, will use the time to sleep." He closed his eyes.

"That would certainly be a better use of the time," Gandalf muttered under his breath.

Pippin edged closer to Roku. "Um… I don't mean to be indelicate, but are they really, well, you know, having relations?"

"Of course," Roku said.

"In here?!" Pippin squeaked.

"It's been days." Roku yawned and stretched out on his side so Jett and Alexa could snuggle up against him. "That's like forever for them."

Pippin's cheeks turned red and he blinked several times. "I… uh, I see." He scuttled back over to Merry.

Merry bopped him on the head. "You just had to ask."

"Well," Pippin shrugged, still blushing. "I was curious."

"That's going to get you in trouble one day."

Everyone soon drifted off to sleep, except for Gandalf, who sat by the door and kept watch over the others. After six hours or so, he stood up and shook out his robes.

Hadeya immediately sat up. "Is it time to go?"

"Yes. I should go get the others."

"No need," Hadeya said. He poked Roku. "Tell Duo it's time to go."

"He knows," Roku said. "They're on their way." He rolled onto his belly, dislodging the girls. "I'm thirsty."

"You have the water," Hadeya pointed out.

"I know." Roku shifted into human form so he could use his hands. He produced a canteen and took a long drink. "Want some?" He held it out to Hadeya.

"Thanks."

The Gundam pilots appeared at the top of the stairs and thumped down looking tired.

"This is a real nice place, Gimli," Duo reported. "Whoever lived here never moved out. All the rooms still have their furnishings and everything."

Gimli frowned. "Whatever cataclysm occurred here must have driven out or destroyed the residents quickly."

"As I said," Gandalf interrupted stiffly, "the mines are not safe. We should eat quickly and get moving."

After a few hours of walking through caverns that contained increasingly finer homes, they passed through a tall archway that led onto a wide landing.

"Would you look at that!" Merry exclaimed in a reverent whisper.

"Oh!" Gimli cried, his voice echoing loudly.

"Welcome to the great dwarf city of Dwallendelf," Gandalf said gravely. He increased the light on his staff, allowing them to see more. Towering pillars stretched in neat rows as far as the eye could see, holding up a roof lost in shadows. "In its heyday," he continued, "this hall would be filled with thousands of dwarfs dressed in the finest clothes and jewels."

"That would have been something to see," Gimli said, wiping a tear from his eye. "That's what my cousin Balin envisioned when he came here. I wonder what happened to him."

"There's hardly much mystery there," Legolas said casually. "He's probably a moldering corpse like those dwarfs we found at the rear entrance."

"What?!" Gimli snarled. His voice echoed back from the pillars.

Jett's eyes gleamed. "Eeeee!" she shrieked.

"Augh!" Everyone cried, clapping hands over their ears.

"Jett!" Heero snapped. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"It's super-echo-y!"

"And we're all super-deaf! Don't do that again."

"Sorry."

"We should try not to draw attention to ourselves," Gandalf said sternly. "We don't know who else might be listening." He led the way down a staircase into the hall.

"I wish Gandalf would quit being so mysterious," Pippin whispered to Merry. "He makes it sound like there's worse than that Gollum creature following us."

"Maybe there is," Merry whispered back.

The group proceeded down the hall, walking quickly along between two rows of pillars. They had not gone far, however, when Gimli spied something ahead of them.

"Ah!" he cried and dashed ahead

"Gimli, wait!" Gandalf called after him.

"Dammit!" Zechs exclaimed and he raced after Gimli.

The others followed at a brisk trot. They caught up with Gimli in a large room built in the middle of the hall. Gimli rushed forward to collapse at the foot of what appeared to be a large coffin or crypt.

"Well," Gandalf sighed, "now we know what happened to Balin, for here he lies." Gandalf picked up a heavy book clutched in the rotted hands of what must have been a scribe and read from the final page. Everyone listened with looks of increasing concern.

While he read, Pippin crept closer to a corpse perched on the edge of a well, an arrow protruding from its side.

"I don't think you should touch that," Alexa whispered.

Pippin started. "I'm not touching it!" he exclaimed, but his hand bumped the arrow anyway. Slowly, the corpse slid off the ledge and crashed into the well, dragging a wooden bucket and a chain with it. Pippin flinched repeatedly as the cacophony of its crashing fall echoed up out of the well.

"Pippin!" Merry cried. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Pippin cried back. "And anyway, who puts a well in the middle of a mausoleum?!"

"I think the room was used for something else before Balin's crypt was put here," Treize said. His words were interrupted by a deep boom from somewhere below their feet. It was followed by several more booms that everyone immediately recognized as drum beats.

"Now you've done it, fool of a Took!" Gandalf exclaimed. "We must go now!"

"Too late!" Boromir reported from the crumbling doors of the room. "I hear them coming."

"Frodo, your sword!" Sam said in alarm.

Frodo half-pulled the weapon from its sheath and now everyone could see that it was glowing bright blue.

"Orcs!" Legolas snarled. He snatched an arrow from his quiver.

Boromir ducked back through the door. "They have a cave troll," he announced calmly. He slammed the doors and blocked them closed with whatever was handy. Then he backed out of the way so Aragorn and Legolas had clear lines of fire with their bows.

Everyone drew swords, except for Quatre, who crossed his arms. "It seems pointless to block the door when there's a giant gaping hole in the back of the room."

"Orcs aren't very bright," Aragorn said. "If they broke in through the doors once, they'll do it that way again."

"Right," Quatre said with no agreement in his voice at all. "Trowa and Hadeya, watch the hole at the back. Treize and Roku, keep an eye on the hobbits. Zechs, Duo and I will protect the girls. Heero and Wu-Fei, you get to fight."

"All right!" Heero smiled grimly.

"How come he gets to fight?" Duo complained. "I want to fight, too!"

"You can fight the next time."

"It's not fair! Heero always gets to fight."

"Just get over here and protect your baby."

Duo stuck out his lower lip, but he immediately moved to stand beside Zechs and Quatre in front of Alexa and Jett, shielding the two girls against the wall. Just then, Aragorn and Legolas released arrows and the fight was on. It did not take the orcs long to break through the doors, mainly because their cave troll smashed them to bits with a giant stone club. Since the hobbits appeared to be holding their own, Treize and Roku jumped into the fray, slashing through orcs with deliberate efficiency.

"I rather like the way their heads explode when you smack them with your paw, Roku," Treize complimented him.

"Thanks!" Roku pounced on another orc and bashed its head open. "Their skulls are a little thin so I get a real nice pop." He demonstrated on another orc, spattering orc-brains everywhere.

"It does make the floor slippery, though," Wu-Fei commented as he skidded through brains and blood, sliding under the cave troll's swing.

"True," Roku agreed. He brained another orc. "But it's fun."

"I can't deny that," Wu-Fei said. He lopped off the top half of an orc's head, spilling more brains on the floor.

"Watch out, Frodo!"

"Unh!"

"Shit!" Treize exclaimed. He dashed to the rear of the room, where Frodo had been skewered by the cave troll and Aragorn was staggering groggily to his feet.

The cave troll was the only creature left, so they ganged up on it and quickly brought it down. Gandalf hurried to the back to lean over Frodo.

"I'm all right," Frodo wheezed. "I'm not hurt."

"How is that possible?" Aragorn exclaimed.

Frodo pulled open the front of his shirt, revealing the gleaming mithril shirt he was wearing underneath.

"Ah!" Gandalf said. "That explains it."

"I think we should spend less time discussing it and more time escaping," Quatre said pointedly.

"Quite right," Gandalf agreed. He led the way out the giant gaping hole at the rear of the room and broke into a loping run.

Zechs scooped up Alexa in one arm and plopped her on his hip. "Hold on tight." Duo did the same with Jett and they sprinted along with the others.

Heero looked behind them. "They're like fucking ants!" he exclaimed in irritation. "They're coming out of every crack in the floor and ceiling!"

"And yet they failed to find the giant gaping hole at the rear of that room, which they probably made in the first place," Quatre muttered. "They're worse than stupid."

"We're going to be surrounded," Wu-Fei said. "Running is pointless."

They skidded to a halt as the thousands of orcs closed in on them, shrieking with eager bloodlust.

"It might be time for some big magic, Roku," Quatre said.

Then a distant boom made the ground shake and the orcs fell momentarily silent. They shifted about nervously and then a second boom shook dust from the ceiling. With squeals of terror, the orcs broke and ran, scurrying back to the cracks through which they'd entered.

"What scared them off?" Alexa said worriedly. She clung to Zechs' neck. "I'm scared!"

Gandalf closed his eyes. "A balrog!" he announced after a moment. "Run! You cannot fight this!" They raced for the exit, passing through high arched doors and ending up on a steep, rail-less staircase.

"Who builds staircases like this?!" Heero screamed in irritation. "Is it some kind of macho posturing?! Stupid, fucking shit!" They came to a gap in the stairs and Heero and Wu-Fei leaped across it without slowing down. Some of the others jumped, too, before the edge of the stairs crumbled away, widening the gap.

"This is so annoying!" Quatre growled. He mumbled under his breath and held out his hands. Instantly, several stones floated up from below and positioned themselves in the gap. "Get across!" he snapped and skipped down his magically created temporary stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, Gandalf pointed to a spindly stone bridge arching over a deep, black chasm. "The Bridge of Khazad-Dum!" he cried. "You must get across! Hurry!"

But as they raced toward the bridge, the walls shook and stones rained down. A wash of heat and light made them all pause and look back. A giant winged creature apparently made mostly of flame howled at them in fury as it shouldered its way through a solid wall of rock. Aragorn started to pull his sword. Gandalf caught his hand.

"No!" Gandalf cried. "You can't fight this! Run!"

Everyone started to run, but Roku looked back over his shoulder as he galloped along. "Interesting," he murmured, "but the flames would be hard to do."

"Don't even think about it!" Quatre ordered.

"Yes, Mama."

As they dashed across the narrow bridge one by one, Gandalf brought up the rear. Boldly, he stood in the middle of the span and denied the balrog access. The creature screamed at him and produced a flaming sword. It stepped onto the bridge. Gandalf smashed the tip of his staff into the rock.

"You shall not pass!"

The rock cracked and the bridge collapsed under the balrog, carrying it into the abyss. But before it was completely lost from sight, a whip of flame flashed back up, caught Gandalf's ankle and yanked him over the edge.

"No!" Frodo cried. He started to run back, but Boromir grabbed him.

"He's gone!" Boromir cried. He urged the other hobbits up more stairs and out of range of the arrows that orcs were shooting at them from the far side, lugging Frodo under one arm.

Within minutes, they came to the exit; a tall doorway carved into the face of a cliff. The hobbits immediately collapsed in tears.

Heero scowled. "Well, that was pretty useless. He should have let you deal with it, Quatre."

Quatre shrugged. "Some people like the melodrama. Aragorn, do you know where he planned to go next?"

Aragorn shook his head. "He didn't plan to come this way. But the woods of Lothlorien are just ahead." He pointed. "We can get there before sunset if we run, which I recommend since the orcs will overrun these hills once it gets dark."

Frodo scrubbed tears from his cheeks. "Do you think Gandalf foresaw what would happen here? Do you suppose that's why he didn't want to go through the mines? It's all my fault!"

"He obviously knew something bad was in there," Wu-Fei said, "but it couldn't be helped. In all likelihood, more of us would have died trying to cross the mountains in a blizzard. Since we only lost one person going through the mines, I'd say we came out ahead."

"But how can we do this without Gandalf?!" Merry cried. "He was a great wizard! We needed him!"

"He had a few middling skills," Quatre said, "but I think we'll make do. Roku, lead the way. We need to be in that forest by nightfall."

For once, the hobbits didn't complain as they ran beside the others, their little legs churning to keep pace with the longer strides of the big people. When they finally reached the trees, Aragorn sighed with relief. "The orcs will not enter these woods," he said. "They are protected by the Lady of the Galadrim." He slowed to a walk.

Gimli scowled. "I heard these woods are ruled by an elf witch. It's said she can cloud your mind and lead you astray." He lifted his chin. "But I shall stand proof against her evil powers."

Legolas snorted.

Duo's brow wrinkled and he tipped his head to one side.

"Who are you listening to, Momma?" Jett asked.

Duo didn't answer. He shook his head slightly and pursed his lips.

Jett tugged on his ear. "Momma? Who is it?"

"What are you talking about, little one?" Boromir said. "These woods are empty. No one is speaking."

"Except you," a silken voice interrupted. Suddenly, elves appeared on every side, the arrows of their drawn long bows pointed at the travelers.

Aragorn quickly stepped forward. "We are friends!" he said, addressing himself to the speaker. "Surely you remember me, Haldir!? Gandalf the Gray sent us."

"Gandalf?" Haldir looked around disdainfully. "I don't see him."

"Sadly, we lost him in Moria," Aragorn said. "But now I crave the council of your elders. Will you please take me to them?"

Haldir frowned and approached Frodo. "I sense great evil here. I cannot let you into our woods. You must go back."

"To where?" Gimli growled. "The orcs? Is that how you elves treat strangers, by sending them to their deaths?"

Haldir looked down his elegant nose at Gimli. "Not strangers, certainly, but enemies, yes."

Gimli reached for his axe.

Aragorn put a hand on Gimli's arm to stop him. "Please! We are on a great mission commissioned by Elrond himself. I must speak to Celeborn and Galadriel."

Duo rubbed his head. "The lady says we should come ahead," he said.

Haldir stared at him. "What did you say?"

"The lady said we should come ahead," Duo repeated. "Let's do as she says so she quits shouting at me. I'm getting a headache."

Haldir tried to recover his dignity. "The Lady Galadriel does not shout."

"Maybe you're just deaf," Duo muttered. "If she thought any louder, she'd strip the leaves off the trees. Sheesh!"

"Very well." Haldir started up the trail. "Follow me and do not stray." After walking for several minutes, he glanced at Legolas. "Our brother from Mirkwood is welcome here. We do not see enough of our northern kin."

Legolas smiled. "It is true we do not often leave our woodland home, but to see the glory that is Lothlorien is surely worth the trip."

"You will find no place more beautiful," Haldir assured him. "It will be my pleasure to show it to you."

"Geez, get a room," Duo grumbled.

Walking beside Duo, Hadeya blinked. "Is Haldir having impure thoughts?"

"You could say that, although maybe someone should tell him that Legolas there hasn't found his inner uke yet."

Hadeya groaned. "Please tell me I'm not going to get jumped by these elves, too!"

"I can't make any promises," Duo replied. "But look at the bright side. These elves are wearing trousers. Maybe we'll be able to tell the boy elves from the girl elves before they get naked this time."


	11. Lothlorien

Chapter 11: **Lothlorien**

Night fell before they reached their destination, so Haldir had them spend the night on an elevated platform constructed between the boles of several trees. Alexa and Jett were delighted and spent most of their time hanging off the edge of the platform giggling.

"Why do girls giggle all the time?" Zechs wondered idly. "My sister tended to giggle a lot when she was younger, before she became queen and was weighed down by the burdens of statecraft."

"Relena used to giggle?" Duo said. "She was always so serious whenever I saw her."

"I heard her giggle once or twice," Heero reluctantly admitted.

"Well, that's probably because she was flirting with you," Duo reminded him.

"But back to the original topic," Zechs interrupted. "Why do they giggle? They're not even doing anything particularly amusing, like building a miniature catapult to launch walnuts at students you don't like."

Heero and Duo lifted eyebrows at him.

"You used to build miniature catapults to launch walnuts at students you didn't like?" Duo asked.

Zechs flushed. "It wasn't always catapults. Sometimes I built trebuchets."

"And walnuts were your projectile of choice?"

"We had a lot of walnut trees on our estate," Zechs said, a little defensively.

"I see."

"My siege engines were highly coveted! No one built machines that could match my distance or impact speed."

"I thought the Peacecrafts were supposed to be pacifists," Heero said. "Building siege engines, even toy ones, doesn't sound very peaceful."

"Refusing to engage in warfare doesn't mean one shouldn't learn how to do it," Zechs stated archly. "And anyway, I was still in elementary school at the time, so I was still learning the finer points of pacifism."

"I wouldn't have thought shooting at people with projectile weapons was a fine point," Heero muttered.

"At any rate," Duo said, "I think you underestimate Alexa and Jett. I bet they'd think lobbing walnuts with a catapult was great fun."

"I'm sure they would," Wu-Fei interrupted, sitting down next to Duo, "since at the moment they're chucking pebbles at squirrels." An explosion of squeals from the girls punctuated his statement. "Apparently they just got a clean hit."

Zechs put a hand over his face. "I had all these plans of raising a sophisticated young lady once. I blame Treize."

"Blame me for what?" Treize said, his attention abruptly pulled away from the conversation between Haldir, Aragorn and Quatre by the mention of his name.

"That." Zechs pointed at Alexa.

At that moment, Alexa flung up her hands with a triumphant shout. "Got him! Right on the noggin!" She and Jett high-fived before dangling their upper bodies back over the edge.

"Your daughter often behaves in a very unsophisticated way," Zechs clarified.

"And that's my fault?" Treize complained. "I've taught Alexa to fence, play chess, ballroom dance, make wine and skeet shoot. What could possibly be more sophisticated than that?"

Zechs rolled his eyes.

"Skeet shooting is sophisticated?" Duo whispered to Wu-Fei.

"It's a gentleman's sport," Wu-Fei replied.

"It's shooting at chunks of clay pitched through the air! That's not a sport."

"It's harder than it looks."

"It's still not a sport."

Treize returned his attention to Haldir, Aragorn and Quatre. Aragorn had been recounting the story of their journey from Rivendell to a rather skeptical Haldir.

"From the sound of it," Haldir said, "you've been making mistakes pretty much since you left Rivendell. I'm surprised you haven't already lost the ring to Sauron."

"That is unfair!" Aragorn said. "Our mission requires both secrecy and speed, and sometimes those goals are at odds. We do the best we can with the circumstances placed before us."

"And now Gandalf is lost to you," Haldir sniffed. "It seems like your mission has already failed."

"Well, aren't you Mr. Doom and Gloom?" Quatre snapped. "Frodo still has the ring and we haven't been caught. Why not step up and be part of the solution instead of part of the problem?"

Haldir blinked in surprise. "Well, I…"

"Anyway," Quatre continued. "We hadn't planned to come this way, but we're here now. So I'd like to hear what the greatest collection of elves in Middle Earth can do for us."

Haldir stiffened at Quatre's tone. "We cannot protect the ring for you…" he began.

Quatre waved a hand. "We already know what we're going to do with the ring," he said. "What can you do to help us on our way, preferably undetected?"

"That is for the Lady Galadriel to decide," Haldir said huffily.

"Then why are we even talking to this clown?" Heero growled. "Seems to me he's just mostly holding us up. Duo already heard from the lady and she's apparently waiting to talk to us."

"A well-made if impolitely stated point," Trowa said. "Why don't we shelve the matter until we reach wherever it is we're going?"

"That might be best," Aragorn agreed.

"Very well," Haldir said. He turned stiffly on his heel and marched over to his own companions.

"Haldir is usually more polite," Aragorn said apologetically. "The prospect of another war may be weighing heavily on his shoulders."

"He needs to get over it," Heero grumbled.

"Why don't we eat before Alexa and Jett have brained every squirrel in the neighborhood?" Wu-Fei suggested.

"That's the best suggestion anyone's had yet!" Duo said cheerfully. "I wonder if our hosts will do the polite thing and feed us."

The elves did in fact feed them, making a great show of presenting bread, cheese and something that Heero declared was only slightly better than natto.

"The gooey strings don't quite have the tensile strength one expects from good natto."

"You've eaten natto?" Wu-Fei said, his face scrunched into a nauseated frown.

"Yeah, but I've never enjoyed it."

"Oh, come on!" Duo exclaimed as he shoveled down spoonfuls of the sticky mess under discussion. "Natto's good for you."

"I'd rather eat dirt," Wu-Fei declared.

"Dirt tastes better," Heero said.

"You guys are too picky."

"I like it," Jett announced.

"I'd rather have raw meat," Roku said.

"We do not eat meat in Lothlorien," Haldir replied with a superior air.

Roku licked his chops, exposing his sharp, glistening fangs. "Herbivores taste better than meat eaters," he noted casually.

Alarmed expressions crossed the faces of several elves.

"We hobbits never say no to a nice bit of roast!" Pippin quickly interjected. "A well-rounded diet is a healthy diet, I always say."

"And you're certainly well-rounded!" Alexa teased, poking Pippin in his plump little stomach.

Roku stood up. "I'm going hunting. Who wants a nice venison haunch?"

"Me!" Pippin and Merry shouted in unison, sticking their hands in the air.

Frodo and Sam exchanged a quick look and promptly stuck their hands up as well. "Us, too!"

"Start a fire, then. I'll bring back a deer. I smelled some on the way here." He walked to the edge of the platform, changed into the form of a barn owl, and floated away.

The elves stared.

Boromir blinked several times. "How is he going to catch a deer like that?"

"I imagine he'll change into something larger when he finds one and drop on it from above," Quatre said calmly.

"That's a mighty handy talent," Gimli said.

"Flying dwarves are the last thing the world needs," Legolas snorted.

"Elves of any kind are of less value!"

This statement brought all the Lothlorien elves to their feet with cries of protest.

Aragorn put a firm hand on Gimli's shoulder, but it was to Legolas he addressed himself. "I expect better from a Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas," he said sharply. "Mind your tongue."

Legolas ducked his head. "You speak well, Aragorn. Forgive me." He held out a hand to Gimli. "My apologies, Gimli. We are comrades in this venture and I should be more circumspect in my remarks."

"Indeed you should!" Gimli retorted, but he accepted Legolas' outstretched hand and gave it a firm shake. "I'll go down and start a fire so we can roast some meat when Roku gets back." He marched to the edge of the platform and leaped off.

"We'll help!" the hobbits called out and hurried after him, but they used the ropes to slide down rather than jumping.

"We Mirkwood elves have never gotten on well with dwarves," Legolas confessed to Aragorn. "Civility is difficult."

Aragorn patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Try thinking of him as a tall, unusually hairy hobbit."

Legolas smirked. "That is an amusing concept."

The smell of wood smoke drifted up from below and Hadeya stood up. "I'm going to lend the others a hand."

"You just want first crack at the meat," Duo remarked.

"I try to be helpful whenever I can," Hadeya replied with a straight face. He walked to the edge of the platform. "Of course, getting a choice steak off of a fresh kill is worth the effort." He grinned at Duo and jumped off.

"I want steak, too!" Jett exclaimed. She ran to the edge and leaped off without slowing down. "Catch me, Hadeya!"

"Jett!" Heero and Duo shouted. They dashed to the edge of the platform and looked over worriedly.

"I got her!" Hadeya called.

Duo heaved a sigh of relief. "That child has no sense of fear!"

"I'm going to use the rope," Alexa said. She made a great show of carefully grasping a rope and then swung out like Tarzan. "Yahoo!" She slid down like a monkey.

Zechs sighed. "She's going to have rope burns on her hands."

"I'll take care of it," Quatre said. He changed into a falcon and flew down to join the others.

The elves stared.

"Is this shape-changing a common skill among your people?" one asked Treize hesitantly. "I know of no wizard who has such a talent."

"It's not common," Treize assured the elf with a smile.

Heero was still at the edge looking down. "Hey, it looks like Roku's back already. Man, he's quick."

Haldir frowned disapprovingly. "This platform is one of our regular haunts," he said. "Entrails and other reeking remains will attract insects and rodents to this place."

"Don't worry about it," Duo said. "Roku will probably eat all the guts and brains and stuff. He says those are some of the yummy bits. We'll bury the rest." He leaned over the edge. "Hey, Roku! Save me some brains!" He shinnied down the rope Alexa had used.

One elf turned green and staggered to the far side of the platform.

Wu-Fei nodded sympathetically. "I know just how he feels."

"I'm going down to get some meat," Heero said. "Anyone else?"

"Yeah, I'll come," Zechs said. "Will you join us, Treize?"

"Certainly."

The three of them left the platform.

Boromir gazed after them speculatively. "I think a hot venison steak would sit well after the difficult time we had in those caves. If you'll excuse me, I am going to join the others as well." He also left the platform.

Haldir looked down his nose at those who were left. "You do not plan on joining your companions?"

"No, I'm good with the bread and cheese," Wu-Fei said. "What about you, Trowa?"

"I was just waiting for the chance to make a dramatic exit and entrance," he said with a grin. He took a few steps back, ran to the edge and leaped off, executing a double-flip with a half-twist, extending his body at the end to land on his feet somewhere below. A smattering of applause floated back up.

"Acrobats!" Wu-Fei muttered.

Aragorn sat down with a thump. "I could use Gandalf's advice right now."

"He'd probably tell you to go have a steak, too," Wu-Fei said.

"No, I meant about the meeting with Galadriel. She is a great lady and I do not know what guidance she is likely to give."

"You'll find out tomorrow, so it's better to get a good night's sleep and not worry about it."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is easy," Wu-Fei replied. "Watch." And he stretched out on the platform and promptly went to sleep.

Aragorn stared. "How can he just fall asleep on demand like that? Is his mind not troubled by the obstacles facing us?"

"I think his advice is sound," Legolas said. "Trouble will find us soon enough. Better to be rested and with the energy to face it. Lie down and I will sing something soothing. Perhaps it will inspire sweet dreams of better times."

"I don't know…"

"Here, rest your head upon my knee and I will rub your temples. Close your eyes and think of the lovely Arwen Evenstar." Aragorn did as he suggested and Legolas rubbed his temples while he sang something in elvish.

Wu-Fei cracked an eye open. "It's a good thing Arwen can't see that," he murmured to no one in particular. "I'm sure she would totally misunderstand what's going on." He closed his eye. "But then again, maybe not."

In the morning, there was not a trace of the deer Roku had killed. "Waste not, want not," Roku intoned when Wu-Fei asked about it.

"There aren't deer guts stuffed in your storage space are there?" Wu-Fei asked queasily.

"They're cooked," Roku assured him. "We stuffed all the leftovers into the intestines and made sausages. They should be pretty tasty. I had some garlic and Sam has this really great bit of seasoning."

"Venison sausages?" Wu-Fei pursed his lips doubtfully.

"They'll be right tasty, Mr. Wu-Fei," Sam said. "Trust me."

"From you, those words do not inspire fear."

"So aren't you going to ask what we did with the bones?" Duo asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"No, I'm not!" Wu-Fei declared firmly. "We should get moving."

The group set out, flanked on either side by elves and with Haldir leading the way. It was a pleasant walk through deep green forests, past emerald meadows and over sparkling streams. At length they came out on a rise that gave them an unobstructed view of a collection of impossibly tall trees clustered close together on a hill.

"Behold the home of the Galadrim!" Haldir announced reverently. "The heart of Elvendom on Earth!"

"It's dramatic enough, I suppose," Zechs said, "but I think Rivendell was prettier."

Haldir looked shocked.

"I agree," Treize said. "Rivendell was more artistically appealing built around the canyons and waterfalls, with the trees and vines woven all through it."

"Y… You have not yet seen it close up!" Haldir stammered. "There is no comparison when you see the staircases, platforms and living spaces that await you. Come!" He led the way quickly and soon brought them up the slope and under the canopy of those massive trees. The trees were so big, in fact, that they cast everything below them into deep shadow and it was quite cool. Interestingly, almost nothing in and around the trees was made of carved wood. Instead, the living branches of the trees themselves had been woven together and allowed to grow into staircases and platforms. Woven curtains and cloth panels stretched over frames of woven vines formed walls and doors. Even in the daylight, glowing lanterns lighted the gloom under the trees. Haldir stopped with his hands on his hips. "Now surely you are awed by the beauty that is Lothlorien!"

"It's a tree-house," Heero stated flatly.

"A big-ass tree-house," Duo corrected.

"Is it technically a tree-house if there's more than one tree involved?" Trowa wondered aloud.

"Well," Quatre said, his hand on his chin, "the definition of a tree-house is a house in a tree, but I don't think one is limited to the house occupying a single tree. I think if the house encompasses multiple tree boles but is still a single structure it's still just a tree-house."

"However, in this case," Wu-Fei put in, "the structure is not contiguous, which might constitute multiple tree-houses."

Haldir's face turned beet red and he clenched his fists. "It's not a tree-house!" he shouted. "It is the city of the Galadrim!"

"Oh, I don't buy that at all," Zechs said. "It's much too small to be a city. Before it was destroyed, our manor house probably encompassed the same square footage of living space, especially if you included the gardens."

Haldir's mouth worked silently.

"But it is quite pleasant," Treize acknowledged, "if a bit on the cool side. What's it like when it rains?"

Haldir struggled to keep his temper. "Please follow me," he said stiffly. "Her Ladyship awaits you." He took them up a staircase that wound around the trunk of one mighty tree. They finally came out on a high platform with stairs made of trained tree branches on the far side, leading up to a room screened off with beautiful brocade drapes. Haldir stopped at the foot of the stairs and bowed silently.

The drape at the top of the stairs was pulled back from the inside and a man and woman emerged. The man might have been handsome, but unfortunately for him, he was in the presence of probably the prettiest woman ever born. She had long golden hair, smooth ivory skin, eyes the color of rainwater and perfect features. Everyone stared at her appreciatively, so it took a moment to notice that the man was speaking.

"Where is Gandalf? I would like to speak with him."

A small, unhappy wrinkle formed on the woman's smooth brow. "He has fallen into shadow," she said in a silken voice.

"Gandalf was lost to us in Moria, Lord Celeborn," Aragorn said.

"Ah," the woman said, "and now you come to us adrift like a rudderless boat."

Quatre frowned. "Pretty, but not entirely accurate, my lady. We could just use a little help getting on our way."

"You are not from here," Galadriel said, her eyes widening slightly. She smiled as her gaze flowed over the group, coming to rest on Duo. He flinched.

"Can you take it down a notch, my lady?" he grimaced. "I'm right here."

She laughed softly and her eyes moved onto Roku. "What is this?" she whispered. "I see a double-image here."

Roku promptly shifted into human form and bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you, my lady."

Galadriel grinned delightedly and inclined her head. "The pleasure is mine." She finally let her gaze fall on Frodo. She didn't speak, but Frodo ducked his head, an unhappy expression engulfing his features. "You shall rest here tonight," she said after a long moment. "You have not had time to mourn your loss and your hearts are heavy. In the morning, we shall give you what assistance we may."

Aragorn bowed. "Thank you, my lady."

As Haldir escorted them back down, Duo moved close to Frodo and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Don't fret about what she said, Frodo. We've got your back."

Frodo blinked in surprise. "You heard her?"

"How could I not?" Duo rubbed his temple. "My head's still ringing. Anyway, we're not going to let Sauron get you or the ring. We've dealt with worse."

"Sauron is the epitome of evil."

"You can say that only because you haven't met Relena," Heero muttered.

"Quit ragging on my sister," Zechs said absently. "She has issues."

"Tell me about it."

At the bottom of the stairs, Haldir led them to a large rock with a shallow cave at the bottom, protected by large tree roots and a few smaller boulders. "You can spend the night here," he said.

"You're making us camp out?!" Pippin objected.

"Now I know Rivendell was better," Zechs said. "They had natural beauty and rooms with beds."

Haldir stalked off without saying a word.

A moment later, the sound of mournful singing drifted down from the trees.

"What's that?" Merry asked.

"They are mourning Gandalf," Legolas said. "The words are too sad to repeat."

"In many cultures," Wu-Fei said, falling into teacher mode, "people mourned the loss of loved ones by celebrating their lives, often with cheerful songs and laughter. Personally, I prefer that. I think it's better to remember someone who's gone with happiness."

"That's unusually upbeat for you, Wu-Fei," Duo said.

"I'm an upbeat guy," Wu-Fei replied. "You just don't pay enough attention."

"I'll have to remember that next time I'm trying to get into your pants."

"Roku, bust out those sausages," Heero said. "I'm not having any more of that natto knock-off."

"Yes, Papa."

After that, everyone sat around munching on sausages, bread, apples, cheese and chicken pot pies.

"Where the hell did Roku get chicken pot pies?"

"Who knows? I'm just glad he had them."

After dinner, Aragorn got out his pipe and started smoking, so Pippin and Merry bummed tobacco off of him so they could smoke, too.

Alexa and Jett watched while lying on their bellies, their chins propped in their hands.

"You shouldn't smoke, you know," Alexa said to Merry.

Merry puffed out a ring of smoke. "Why not?"

"It's bad for your lungs and can make you sick."

"Sam's gaffer smokes and he's ninety-three," Merry replied blissfully.

"And he doesn't look a day over seventy-five," Pippin added.

"It's still bad for you."

"Bilbo smoked for years and he's one hundred and twelve years old."

"He looked two hundred and twelve," Jett said.

"That was because of the ring," Frodo interrupted. "It extended his life while he had it. Once he gave it to me, his age… caught up with him."

Jett stared at Frodo quizzically. "Does that mean you're a hundred years old, too?"

"No!" Frodo flushed. "I'm only thirty-four!"

"That's old."

"No, it's not!"

"Alexa's daddy is the oldest one in our family and he's not that old."

"That doesn't make me old!"

"I guess…" Jett said doubtfully.

"He's older than me and Pippin," Merry confided. "And Sam, too. We should start calling him 'old man'."

"You better not!" Frodo exclaimed angrily.

Merry burst out laughing, Pippin grinned hugely, and Jett and Alexa started giggling.

"I… I have something I need to do," Frodo said and he stomped off.

Gales of laughter followed him away from the campsite. Frodo stumped along frowning until he saw a flash of white under the trees ahead of him. Curious, he followed after it and discovered the Lady Galadriel walking barefoot through the grass. He trailed along behind her, past giant tree trunks and over great snaking roots, until she descended a small stone staircase into a little dell with a fountain of water spilling down one side. When Frodo reached the bottom, she filled a pitcher with water and turned to face him.

"Will you look into the mirror?" She poured the water into a stone basin in the center of the little clearing.

Frodo was so engrossed in his conversation with her and his subsequent vision reflected in the water that he did not see Hadeya watching from the side of the dell. It was not until after she left that he saw Hadeya sitting on the lip of the dell, his feet dangling over the side.

"Did you see all that?" Frodo whispered.

Hadeya nodded. "I saw Galadriel wandering around and wondered what she was up to. You should be careful flaunting that ring around like that. From the sound of it, not many people are immune to its evil."

"What about you?" Frodo eyed him suspiciously.

"Nope, not interested. I'm a demigod. I have powers enough." Then Hadeya grinned sheepishly "Well, I admit most of my powers are sensuous in nature because of my mother, but still, I really have no interest in controlling people or running the world. It wouldn't leave me enough free time to pursue my other interests. Some day I really do plan to map all of Jormandgand's loops." He stood up. "We should head back."

"Uh, right." Frodo shuffled toward the stairs. "Do you mind not mentioning anything about what you saw just now?"

"No problem, but Duo probably knows already. Galadriel really does think loud."


	12. Canoes

_Sorry I've been so long since posting. I was busy doing stuff for Yaoicon with Riyo and I've been busy at work. I'm probably going to stay busy until the end of the year, but I'll try to do better about posting. Thank you for your patience!_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 12: **Canoes**

In the morning, the elves began assembling supplies and gear for them. The soft gray cloaks with leaf-shaped brooches that they were all given were light and warm, but in certain light they tended to look green rather than gray. This sparked a debate about what the cloaks were made of.

"It feels kind of like wool," Wu-Fei said, "but I don't know of many sheep that tend to have greenish wool."

"I think it's some kind of plant fiber," Treize said.

"Yeah, it could be dyed cotton," Zechs agreed.

"But the weave seems awfully dense for cotton," Trowa put in.

"Maybe it's a blend," Quatre said.

"Hm." Wu-Fei slid the material through his hands. "It could be a blend of all three. There are linen-like qualities to its flexibility."

"I bet there's elf hair woven in it," Alexa announced. "Look at all these gold strands."

"That's gross!" Duo examined his cloak closely. "I don't want to wear someone's hair."

"Your hair's practically a cloak when you take it down," Trowa said.

"But that's different. It's my hair. And it's still attached."

"I never knew you were so squeamish," Trowa teased.

"I'm not squeamish!" Duo said archly. "I'm just sensitive."

"Hey, you guys!" Pippin waved at them from over near the edge of the river where the elves were loading up several canoes for them. "You should come over! Galadriel is handing out gifts!"

"Gifts?!" Duo's eyes lit up. "Let's check this out."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "Like he needs any more stuff."

They went over to where Galadriel was placing a crystal vial of clear liquid in Frodo's hand. She turned to face them with a warm smile.

"You are all still such a mystery to me," she said with a sparkling laugh. "I am so delighted to have met you."

"It has been our honor, my lady," Treize replied gallantly. He lifted Galadriel's hand and brushed the back of it with his lips.

Zechs stepped forward and caught her other hand. His deep blue eyes gazed hypnotically into hers. "Your beauty has been a tonic for our jaded hearts," he purred.

Galadriel blinked. "Your heritage," she said a little breathlessly, "surely contains some elvish blood?"

"That's what the elves at Rivendell thought," Aragorn murmured to Haldir.

"I could see why they might think so," Haldir murmured back. "He is quite… remarkable."

Duo leaned toward Wu-Fei. "He should be glad Treize can't hear him thinking those thoughts."

"Just keep it to yourself," Wu-Fei responded quietly "We'll be out of here in a minute."

"Not until I get my gift."

"You don't need a gift."

"But accepting it blesses the giver."

Wu-Fei stared at him.

Duo grinned. "Anyway, that's how I feel every time I gift you with a good banging."

Wu-Fei groaned. "I should have known you would figure out how to bring it back to sex."

"That's a good place for every conversation to end up."

Wu-Fei just shook his head.

Roku padded up from somewhere licking his whiskers. "What are we waiting for?"

"Galadriel's handing out gifts," Duo replied.

"Oh, yeah. I already got one."

"You did?!"

"Um hm. Galadriel rubbed my belly for an hour. It was great."

"You get belly rubs all the time!"

"But I never say no to another one." Roku plopped down on his haunches. "I'm going to have to be human to fit in the boats. The elves say it's pretty far and I shouldn't try to swim it."

"Really? How far?"

"They said it will take us a couple of days to reach some big waterfall where we'll have to abandon the boats and continue on foot."

"Two days in a boat," Wu-Fei grumbled. "Great!"

"Eek!" Duo yelped. He rubbed his temple and looked at Galadriel. "She has got to learn to tone that down." He walked over to the golden-haired elf queen. The two of them just stood there looking at each other for a few minutes and then Duo grinned. "Thanks, my lady! I'll remember that!"

Heero glared at him suspiciously. "What did she say?"

"She showed me a trick for keeping people out of my head."

"I thought you liked knowing what people are thinking."

Duo grimaced. "Not all the time. I saw some pretty ugly images coming off those orcs when we were in Moria. I'd just as soon be able to keep that kind of stuff out of my head. It messes up all the sexy thoughts I get from the rest of you."

"I don't have sexy thoughts!"

"No all the time," Duo agreed, "but when you do, they're whoppers. Just like your…"

Quatre clapped a hand over Duo's mouth. "That will be quite enough of that." He bowed to Galadriel without taking his hand off Duo's mouth. "Thank you for your kind hospitality, my lady. It's been a pleasure."

Galadriel inclined her head. "I would say come again, but I fear it is not in our future to meet again."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Hadeya could probably call the Rainbow Bridge into the Undying Lands the same as he calls it into Asgard."

Haldir's eyes narrowed. "Only elves can navigate to the Undying Lands."

"You say that like there's a trick to it," Quatre shrugged. "It's just magic."

"J… Just magic?" Haldir stammered.

"Yeah, magic," Quatre said patiently. He held up his hand and made a light ball. "You've seen us change shape. What makes you think navigating through a magical fold in space-time is any harder?"

Haldir's mouth worked silently for a second. "Please excuse me." He hurried away.

Galadriel laughed softly. "You've confused poor Haldir." She captured Quatre's light ball and balanced it on the back of her hand. "It is easier to function in a world with well-defined boundaries."

"Well, that's true."

"Please take care on the road ahead," Galadriel continued. "Evil walks beside you." She didn't look at anyone in particular, but both Frodo and Boromir ducked their heads.

But now it was time to finish packing and get going. So everyone went to the riverbank to help out with the supplies that the elves were loading. Legolas looked into one pack as he put it into a boat and his eyes lit up.

"Elven waybread!" he exclaimed to Merry and Pippin. "One small bite will fill the belly of a grown man for a whole day." He trotted off with a happy smile to get another pack.

Pippin and Merry exchanged a look.

Duo overheard the comment and took one of the cakes out of the pack. He bit into it with a thoughtful expression. "Did you try these?" he asked the hobbits.

"Yeah," Pippin said. He passed a little gas. "They're pretty filling."

Duo took another bite. "Well, you know, I'll eat pretty much anything, because it's better to be full than hungry, but I'm not sure these things qualify as food. They're pretty tasteless." He looked around. "Hey, Jett! Come try this."

The little girl trotted over and Duo handed her the half-eaten cake. She bit into it and chewed slowly, a slight frown on her face.

"Needs salt. And jam. And maybe a strip of bacon inside."

Duo patted her on the head. "We'll fix them up at dinnertime."

"Papa Heero says I have to ride in the boat with him," Jett pouted. "I want to ride with Alexa."

"I think she's going with her Mom and Dad, and the boats only hold three people."

"Three _big_ people," Jett pointed out. "Alexa and I are small."

"I'll talk to him."

"Yay!"

So they sorted themselves into the boats and set out. Treize and Zechs took Alexa and Jett in their boat and Heero, Duo and Wu-Fei took another boat. Quatre and Trowa took a boat, and Hadeya and Roku took a fourth. With the three boats carrying the other members of the Fellowship, the little canoes strung out in a long line as they floated down the river.

Alexa and Jett promptly leaned over the side and stuck their arms in the water, nearly tipping their boat over.

Girls!" Treize exclaimed sternly. "If you want to hang over the sides, you need to do it on opposite sides, or we're all going to end up in the water."

"Sorry!"

"What a beautiful river!" Zechs remarks. "It reminds me of home."

"Indeed it does," Treize agreed. "I used to canoe down a river like this to go hunting on my estate. Or sometimes I'd just fish. Nothing tastes as good as fresh caught fish roasted over an open fire on the banks of a river in the wilderness."

"I'd have to agree with that."

"Can we have fish for dinner, Daddy?" Alexa immediately asked. "That sounds good."

"Well, we don't really have time to fish."

"We do! Do you have some string and a hook? I read about line fishing like that in a book at school."

"I don't know." Treize searched his pockets and the packs while Zechs steered. He finally found a bit of wire that he twisted into a hook, and then used a piece of string he found in the bottom of another pack to make a line. "I'm getting as bad as Roku," he muttered. "Why do I have all this junk?"

"Because you never know when you'll need it," Zechs chuckled. "At least that's what Roku always says when he starts pulling stuff out of his storage space."

"I'll need some bait," Alexa said.

"Right." Treize rummage around some more and found a bit of rather old bacon. "We probably shouldn't eat this anyway." He handed it to Alexa and she broke off a small chuck, jammed it onto her hook and tossed it into the water, keeping a firm grip on the other end of the string.

"I'm not sure we'll catch anything that way," Zechs said, and something immediately tugged on Alexa's line.

"I got something!" she cried out excitedly and hauled it in. A good-sized trout struggled on the end of her string. She pulled it into the boat and Jett held it still for her while she worked the hook out of its mouth. "That's one!" she said triumphantly. She put another bit of bacon on her hook and flung it back over the side.

From behind them, Aragorn called out, "What are you doing?"

"Alexa's fishing," Treize answered. "She already caught one."

"Really?"

The hobbits immediately began scanning the water. "There's fish all over the place down there!" Sam exclaimed. He immediately began searching his pockets and promptly produced a hook and line. "I didn't think I'd need this, but I brought it along just in case. What are you using for bait, Alexa?" he called out.

"Old bacon!"

"That'll work," Sam said. He scrounged some old bacon out of his pack and immediately started fishing. He met with the same success as Alexa and grinned broadly at Frodo. "There'll be fresh fish for dinner tonight!"

Frodo smiled back, but he said nothing.

Alexa and Sam fished as the canoes paddled downriver, until Zechs and Aragorn started complaining about all the fish underfoot. When the sun started to go down, they put ashore on a tiny stretch of sand so they could set up camp before it got dark. Everyone joined in to help clean the catch, except for Quatre and Wu-Fei, who collected wood and started a couple of fires. Soon, the smell of cooking fish filled the air.

Back in tiger form, Roku waded into the river, snatching fish out of the water and eating them whole.

"Roku!" Quatre complained. "Can't you just eat cooked fish like the rest of us?"

"But you took all the guts out. That's the yummy part."

"Ugh!" Wu-Fei groaned. "Does he have to say that out loud?"

"He is a tiger at heart," Duo said. "You know he prefers his kills fresh and warm."

"Fish aren't warm," Wu-Fei said.

"You know what I mean."

They ate the tasty trout right off the skewers they were roasting them on and everyone declared it an excellent meal. Gimli promptly went to sleep, his mighty snores rattling the tree branches. Legolas sat down a short way away and amused himself by poking Gimli with a stick whenever his snores got too loud to make him turn over.

It was quite dark when Boromir, who had been sitting rather morosely by the edge of the river, squinted across the dark flow. "Do you see that?" he whispered to Aragorn.

"Yes," Aragorn replied. "It's Gollum."

"How could he have tracked us through Lothlorien?" Boromir asked with a shudder. "Those elves seemed to know everything."

"Forget that," Heero said from behind them. "How the hell did he get out of Moria after Gandalf destroyed the bridge?"

"There must have been another exit," Aragorn said.

"No wonder the dwarves got overrun by orcs," Heero snorted. "They go to all the trouble of making that skinny defensible bridge over that chasm and leave other entrances? Stupid!"

"Just a minute!" Gimli snorted. "The masters of Moria were more concerned about theft than invasion."

"So clearly they were focused on the wrong problem," Heero concluded heartlessly. He gestured at the river. "Anyway, what are we going to do about Gollum? I say we kill him now and save ourselves the trouble later."

"He's made it to shore on the other side," Boromir reported. "It may be impossible to catch him now."

"Nonsense!" Heero said. "Roku could take care of him."

"You are not turning my sweet little boy into an assassin like you," Quatre interrupted. "If you want to kill that creature, go ahead, but leave the rest of us out of it."

"It's stupid to leave an enemy alive when you know right where he is!" Heero exclaimed.

"Gandalf seemed to think Gollum wasn't an enemy," Treize said. "At least that's what he implied."

"He said Gollum still had a role to play," Zechs added.

"Maybe his role is to get his head hacked off for being irritating," Heero grumbled.

"We need to get in a fight," Quatre said. "It sounds like Heero needs to kill something."

"I don't _need_ to kill something," Heero growled. "I just hate leaving something alive that should be dead."

"That's not much of a distinction."

"It's a huge distinction. If Gollum wasn't there, I wouldn't be talking about killing anything."

"Just thinking about it," Quatre said under his breath.

Heero glared at Quatre. "I could be thinking about killing you, you know."

"Don't talk that way to Quatre," Trowa frowned.

"He doesn't mean it," Duo said.

"But I still don't like it. Quatre's much too adorable for anyone to say things like that to him."

"Adorable to you," Heero muttered.

"Wu-Fei, would you please take Heero somewhere and spar with him?" Trowa said. "Try to cut him a few times."

"Sure." Wu-Fei rolled to his feet. "I wouldn't mind a light workout." The two of them went a short way down the beach and immediately attacked each other.

The hobbits stared.

"That's a light workout?!" Pippin exclaimed. "It looks like they're trying to kill each other!"

"Oh, they're just playing around," Duo assured him. "If they were serious, they'd have gone to where they had more room."

Pippin swallowed and exchanged a look with Merry.

"Truthfully, Wu-Fei's a better swordsman," Duo confided. "He has more finesse. Heero makes up for it with speed and strength. But it's fun to watch them." He leaned closer. "But the best part is that it will put them in the mood. I expect I'll get lucky later."

Sam blushed and suddenly got very busy bustling about the fire. "Did you get enough to eat, Mr. Frodo?"

"Yes, Sam, I'm fine."

"That's a blatant lie if I ever heard one," Quatre said calmly. "You didn't eat anything."

"I'm not that hungry," Frodo confessed.

"You should give that thing to Hadeya. It doesn't affect him."

Frodo clutched at the ring hidden under his shirt. "I'm fine!"

"Don't freak out! No one's going to take it from you. But you should still eat something."

Reluctantly, Frodo accepted a bit of fish from Sam and choked it down.

"I can see this is going to be loads of fun later," Zechs murmured. "That ring is starting to get on my nerves."

"You can hear it, too?" Treize asked.

"Yes, and it's annoying." Zechs scowled. "It reminds me of the Zero System, except you can't talk back or tell it to shut up."

"I never knew you could make the Zero System shut up."

"Well, you can't," Zechs admitted. "That's probably why it makes us all go a little crazy."

Treize gazed speculatively at Frodo. "Maybe that's how the ring affects people. It makes them crazy."

"So it would appear."

"Crazy people with unlimited power are never a good thing." Treize grinned. "We lost a space station or two because of that."

"You better not be talking about me," Quatre said.

"Never," Treize replied, but his grin said otherwise.

Quatre scowled at him.

"Dammit!" Heero cried out. He leaped back and Wu-Fei lowered his sword.

"I win," Wu-Fei said. "You're bleeding."

"It's barely a scratch!" Heero exclaimed. Blood ran in a steady stream down his arm from a long cut on his shoulder.

Wu-Fei lifted an eyebrow. "But I still win."

"Fine! You win!" Heero stamped back to the others. "But it shouldn't count." He displayed the cut for Duo. "It barely split the skin, right?"

Duo shook his head. "It's a solid cut and it totally counts. Now sit down so I can put a few stitches in it."

"It doesn't need stitches."

"I can see meat."

"Oh, all right!" Heero plopped down on his butt with a sharp scowl. His expression didn't change while Duo calmly stitched up his wound.

Boromir watched with interest. "That's good wound care."

"Yeah, we used to be guerillas," Duo said, "so we had to know how to fix ourselves. Heero could do this himself if it was easier to reach."

"But I wouldn't have bothered!" Heero snapped.

Duo chuckled. "I know. You would have tied a rag over it and forgotten about it."

"Because that's all it needed!"

"Probably, but I can't have you bleeding all over me during sex."

"What?!"

"Now that you and Wu-Fei are done playing, it's time for sex."

Heero put his good hand over his face. "I can't win."

"That's why you love me."

Heero groaned.

"I'm going to wash the dishes!" Sam announced loudly.

"What dishes?" Hadeya said. "We ate the fish off of sticks."

"Well, um…" Sam looked around wildly and snatched up a pot. "This pot! It's dirty!" And he raced to the riverbank several paces upstream.

"Sam has got to over that shyness if he's going to hang around us," Zechs said. "Besides, lust is perfectly normal."

"Oh, Sam knows all about lust," Merry said with a wide grin. "Ask him about Rosie Cotton."

"Do not bring up Rosie in such a context!" Sam cried out in a strangled tone. "She's too refined for your coarse conversation!"

"But not your coarse thoughts!" Pippin snickered.

"Is Rosie his girlfriend?" Alexa asked.

"No!" Sam shouted.

"He'd like her to be," Merry said with a laugh.

"That's… that's…" Sam stammered.

"Completely true," Merry finished for him.

"Leave Sam alone," Frodo said. "He's the sort of decent fellow a nice girl like Rosie will end up with. You two will end up lonely bachelors drinking alone at the inn."

"Nonsense!" Pippin declared. He threw an arm around Merry's shoulders. "We'll be lonely bachelors drinking together at the inn!"

"And from there it's only a short step to screwing in back of the inn," Duo said. "Or in this case, screwing in the woods." He grabbed Heero's arm. "On your feet, my love." He beckoned at Wu-Fei. "You, too, handsome. Time's a-wasting."

Heero rolled his eyes, but Wu-Fei stood up without a word. The three of them strolled off into the darkness together.

Sam stood on the edge of the river with the pot dangling from one hand. "They can't just go off and… and…"

"Yes, they can," Quatre said. He yawned. "I want to sleep, however."

"Really?" Trowa said.

"Yes, really!"

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now!"

"But you could just as easily sleep an hour or two from now."

"And get an hour or two less sleep tonight!"

"You've always functioned better on six or seven hours of sleep than eight, I've thought."

Quatre's mouth worked silently.

Trowa took his hand. "I'll be quick, ok? Half-an-hour, tops."

"Do you think I buy a word of that?!"

Trowa grinned. "Of course! Have I ever lied to you?" He started pulling Quatre toward the trees. "You know you want to."

"Argh!"

They disappeared into the trees. Roku, Alexa and Jett looked expectantly at Treize and Zechs.

Treize blinked innocently. "What are you all looking at?"

"Just go, Daddy," Alexa said with a sigh. "You're not fooling anyone."

"But…"

Zechs sighed. "Give up, Treize. I don't have to be Duo to read what's on your mind." He stood up. "But I don't want any scratches. Or mud on my clothes."

"You make me sound like a pervert."

Zechs smiled. "But you're my favorite pervert."

Treize smiled back. "Very well. We will engage in a chaste, clean, but passionate coupling."

They glided off into the darkness hand in hand.

"Finally!" Roku exclaimed. "Now we can get some sleep." He stretched out on the ground and the girls curled up against his warm side. Hadeya stretched out on his other side and pulled his cloak over his head. The hobbits settled down near one of the fires, because Gimli and Legolas were taking up most of the space by the other one.

Aragorn looked at Boromir. "I guess we're keeping watch."

"Apparently so, but I'm doing it from right here," Boromir stated emphatically.

"That's probably fine," Aragorn said with a soft chuckle. "I daresay any orc that stumbled across us tonight would come to regret interrupting our companions."


	13. Giant Statues

Chapter 13: **Giant Statues**

In the morning, Zechs was limping and he kept glaring at Treize while they packed up their canoe.

"Why do you keep glaring at me?" Treize finally complained. "You didn't get any mud on you!"

"Yeah, but I didn't expect you to suspend me from a tree and have your way with me to avoid it!"

"But it worked!"

"And why did you have rope, anyway?"

"Trowa recommends always having a bit of rope available for just such a situation."

"It worked for us," Trowa agreed.

Quatre rubbed his hip but remained silent.

Zechs pointed an aggrieved finger at Quatre. "He weighs less than I do! He can hang in the air all day getting banged and not feel it!"

"That's not entirely true," Quatre murmured.

Treize put his arms around Zechs. "Does it hurt a lot?" he asked sympathetically. "I'll massage it for you later. I'm sure Roku has therapeutic oil I could use."

Zechs regarded him with open skepticism. "You want to rub me with oil? I suppose you'd want to warm it first."

"It's better if it's warm."

"I can see where this is leading."

"I just want to make you feel better."

"Stop snogging, you two," Quatre ordered. "It's time to go." He climbed into his boat and Trowa pushed off.

"Right." Treize held the canoe steady while Zechs climbed into the front. Alexa and Jett clambered in after him and Treize pushed off before hopping in himself. The other canoes were already making their way out into the middle of the river, turning into the current and letting it carry them downstream.

"Any sign of that stupid Gollum character?" Heero called, his eyes scouring the farther bank.

"I have seen nothing," Aragorn said, his eyes also studying the dark trees abutting the river's edge.

"This is going to come back to haunt us," Heero declared. "You should have just let me kill him."

"Didn't Wu-Fei beat you up enough last night?" Duo said.

"He didn't beat me up!"

"Maybe I should have," Wu-Fei said.

"Like you could."

"In a heartbeat."

"Ok, let's go ashore and settle this."

"Later!" Duo interrupted. "We're actually trying to get somewhere, remember?"

Heero scowled at Wu-Fei. "This doesn't get you off the hook, buddy."

"Like I'm worried."

"I'm sleeping with Hadeya tonight," Duo said. "You guys are too prickly today."

"What?!" Heero snapped.

"Can we just row quietly down the river for an hour or two?" Wu-Fei said pointedly. "Look how scenic, peaceful and _quiet_ it is."

"Are you telling me to shut up?" Heero growled.

"Who's making all the noise?" Wu-Fei retorted.

"That's it! We're pulling over!"

"No, we're not!" Duo ordered sternly. He flicked his paddle through the water and doused Heero with a big splash. "Cool off!"

Heero spluttered and shook the water out of his hair. "You're both getting your butts kicked when we stop."

"If you want to involve my butt," Duo said, "there's something better you can use than your foot."

Wu-Fei chuckled. "You know I'm just messing with you, right, Heero?"

"That's not getting you out of a butt-kicking."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

The travelers continued downstream between panoramic banks of towering trees and rocky cliffs, with sandy beaches sometimes appearing on either side. They pulled ashore at one of these beaches to have lunch.

Roku promptly turned back into a tiger and galloped into the trees. "I'll be right back!"

"Where are you going?" Quatre shouted, but he was already out of sight.

"I bet he smelled something yummy," Duo said. He wrinkled his nose at the lembas bread Legolas handed him. "I hope he brings some back."

"The lembas bread will fill you up," Legolas said. "And it's tasty as well. Why would you need anything else?"

"Legolas, my friend," Duo said with a shake of his head, "you have no idea what real food is, do you?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Duo held up the lembas bread. "This may fill your belly, but so would tree bark and, frankly, some trees taste better. I would rather have road kill, especially if it's fairly fresh."

"Elven waybread is the perfect travel food!" Legolas declared. "It stays fresh for months! Your road kill would be spoiled within the day!"

"I know!" Duo agreed. "It gets better as the days go by."

"What?! Spoiled road kill is not better!"

"Says you! Three day old road kill has a pleasantly piquant bouquet, particularly when it's been out in the sun."

Suddenly, Wu-Fei dashed to the river's edge and tossed his guts out.

Duo blinked sheepishly. "Sorry, Fei. I didn't know you were listening."

Wu-Fei rinsed his mouth. "Pay attention, next time! I'm not the only one whose lunch you just ruined."

Duo glanced around. Sitting in a row on a fallen log, all four hobbits looked decidedly nauseous. "Oops. Sorry."

A throaty growl that almost sounded like chuckling floated out of the trees, standing up the hairs on the backs of everyone's necks.

Pippin leaped to his feet with round eyes. "What in heaven's name was that?!"

"It's just Roku," Duo said. "He's hunting. He makes that sound to scare his prey into running. Whatever it is usually ends up running right smack into him. Saves him having to chase it."

Something suddenly started crashing through the underbrush, heading in their direction. An instant later, Roku's growl was cut off by the sound of a heavy impact, a whole lot of thrashing, and then silence.

"Sounds like it worked," Duo concluded. He tipped his head to one side. "He caught a deer. He says he'll bring the rest back after he's eaten all the really yummy bits." Duo made a face. "That's so unfair!" He shook his fist at the trees. "I want brains, too!" He listened for a moment more and then broke into a smile. "Cool! He says he'll bring me some."

"Duo!" Wu-Fei groaned with a hand over his face. "I'm trying to enjoy my waybread!"

"It would go down better with a nice wet dollop of fresh brains on top."

Wu-Fei promptly ejected the second piece of lembas bread he'd eaten after tossing up the first one. "Goddamit, Duo!" he rasped hoarsely. "I'm not letting you in my pants for the rest of this vacation!"

"Aw, Wu-Fei, don't be like that! I was just kidding."

"Actually, brains make quite a tasty spread when properly prepared," Sam said conversationally. "My gaffer taught me this great recipe with goose liver and sheep brains that goes really well on rye toast."

"Oh, is that the one with the chopped walnuts in it?" Pippin asked enthusiastically.

"That's right."

"That's really good!"

"My grandma likes to put just a dash of fresh currant in hers to give it a little sweetness," said Merry. "It makes a good breakfast spread then."

"I've had that!" Pippin said. "I liked it a lot."

"I'm never eating at any of your houses!" Wu-Fei declared. "I'm going to look for some berries." He stamped off into the trees.

"Watch out for the red ones with white spots!" Aragorn called after him. "They're poisonous. And the dark purple ones with shiny skins! They'll give you loose bowls. Oh, and the green berries growing on a vine with bright yellow flowers! Those ones will make you hallucinate for days." He winked at Legolas. "It's actually kind of fun when you don't have anything better to do."

"We use green tree frogs for that," Legolas said. "If you lick their backs, you have the most amazing visions."

"Somehow," Zechs murmured to Treize, "licking the back of a tree frog does not sound like a good idea."

"I daresay if you tried that on Earth you would expire within the hour. Many of the tree frog species I know are highly toxic."

"In dwarf halls," Gimli spoke up, "you'll find this particular lichen growing in some of the damper caverns that imparts a certain lightness of spirit when consumed. I've known dwarves who claimed to be able to see through walls after sampling it, although their attempts to subsequently walk through them met with poor success." He laughed heartily.

"Rather like attempting to climb trees that aren't there," Legolas snickered.

"Hah!" Gimli barked and he thumped Legolas on the back. "I didn't know you elves knew how to have fun!"

"We're not all straight-laced and majestic like the Lothlorien elves."

"That's good to know," Gimli said. "We'll have to discuss it over a tanker or two of beer one day."

"I don't drink beer."

"It's never too late to start."

"We drink beer!" Pippin immediately piped up.

"Good lad!" Gimli boomed. He thumped Pippin on the back and sent him sprawling. "But I hope you hold your liquor better than you keep your feet!"

Pippin pushed to his feet, gasping for breath. "We manage!" he wheezed.

"Far better than one might expect for their stature," Aragorn put in. "When I first met these two, they were trying to drink a number of men under the table."

"And we would have, too, if Frodo hadn't drawn attention to himself," Merry put in.

"What?!" Frodo yelped, jerking out of a reverie. "What are you talking about?"

"You disappearing in the middle of the Prancing Pony."

Frodo clutched spasmodically at the front of his shirt. "That was… that was an accident!" he stammered.

"We know, but you did interrupt the drinking."

"Leave Mr. Frodo alone!" Sam said defensively. "You drink too much anyway."

"All this talk of beer when there isn't any around is depressing," Gimli said.

"Roku probably has beer," Duo said.

"No, he doesn't!" Quatre interrupted quickly.

"We'll check later," Duo whispered to Gimli.

Not long afterward, Roku returned dragging the deer carcass, minus its guts.

Aragorn pulled out his belt knife. "We should cut off as much meat as we can to take with us. We can smoke it tonight."

Boromir frowned. "Do you mean to stop again before we reach the lake? We could get there today if we keep on at sunset."

"I would prefer not to arrive there after dark," Aragorn said. "Should any of our boats miss the landing, they could end up going over the waterfall."

"Just how high is this waterfall?" Treize asked.

"About 150 cubits," Aragorn said.

"What the hell is a cubit?" Heero snapped.

"It's an ancient unit of measure," Treize said. "150 cubits would be about 80 meters, I think."

"That's pretty high."

"Yeah, it might hurt a bit."

"I agree with Aragorn," said Quatre. "I trust his judgment."

"Oh, very well," Boromir grumbled. He glanced quickly at Frodo and then looked away. "I'll help." He unsheathed his belt knife and knelt down next to Aragorn by the carcass and started skinning.

Wu-Fei came back with a double-handful of plump black berries. "Is there anything wrong with these or can I eat them?" he asked Aragorn.

"Ooh, blackberries!" Merry and Pippin exclaimed in unison. "Where did you get those?"

Wu-Fei nodded over his shoulder. "Over there. There's a big patch of them under the trees."

Merry and Pippin raced off in the indicated direction.

Quatre took a berry out of Wu-Fei's hands and popped it in his mouth. "Yum! Tasty! They're really sweet."

Trowa, Duo and Heero crowded around and helped themselves to Wu-Fei's berries.

"Hey!" Wu-Fei stepped back and tried to shield his haul with his body. "Get your own dang berries!"

"I know a really good sauce for venison made with blackberries," Treize said. "I could probably improvise something for dinner tonight." He rummaged around in his backpack and produced a large square of cloth. "I'll pick some for later." Alexa and Jett trailed after him as he left the beach.

Watching Aragorn and Boromir cut steak after steak off the deer carcass, Sam scratched his head. "Just where are you planning to put all that, Strider? Our boats are already pretty full."

Aragorn sat back on his heels. "Um…"

"I'll carry it," Roku said. He started grabbing steaks in his mouth and pitching them over his left shoulder, where they vanished.

Sam shuddered. "I just can't get used to that!"

"But it is convenient," Frodo said.

By the time the deer carcass was stripped of meat, the others started drifting back from the berry patch, their faces and fingers stained with juice. Treize carried his piece of cloth by the corners; the berry stains already leaking through.

"We had better get moving," Aragorn said.

With that, everyone packed up and piled back into the boats, and they set off once more. As Aragorn predicted, sunset caught them still a ways upriver from the lake, so they pulled ashore again for another night on the riverbank. But a pleasant dinner of venison steaks with blackberry sauce had everyone pleasantly drowsy by the time it started to get cold.

Watching people drifting off to sleep one by one, Heero snorted. "Looks like we're on watch," he said to Boromir, who looked to be the only other person still awake besides Aragorn.

Boromir frowned unhappily and his eyes strayed to Frodo again. "We should be more careful. If the ring should fall into enemy hands…"

"It won't," Heero said shortly. "Especially if we keep watch." He stood up. "I'll go upriver. You go downriver. Aragorn can go inland." He tapped Roku with his toe. "You watch the river."

"Yes, Papa Heero," Roku responded without opening an eye.

But the night was uneventful and in the morning, they resumed their journey after a cold breakfast of leftover venison and lembas bread. As they continued downriver, the banks began to climb, becoming towering cliffs on either side of the river.

About midmorning, Aragorn touched Frodo on the shoulder and pointed ahead. "Look. The Argonath."

Everyone looked ahead and stared in amazement at the giant statues that loomed up on either side of the river. Although still some distance away, they towered above the river, taller than the cliffs on either side.

"That's impressive!" Quatre said. "The stonework reminds me of the kind of construction my ancestors used to do."

"They're bigger than a Gundam," Duo said. "They must have taken a long time to build."

As they neared the statues, their massive size and intricate construction became more apparent.

"Once we pass between them," Aragorn said, "we will enter the lake. The landing is on the western side. We should stay close to the shore so we aren't caught in the current leading to the waterfall."

"Are these statues intended to guard the entrance to the lake?" Treize asked.

"Yes," Aragorn replied. "They represent two of my kin from a distant age, when a great city thrived on the edge of the lake."

"What happened to the city?" Trowa asked curiously.

"Time," Aragorn said with a sigh.

"And fish," Boromir added.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Or more accurately," Boromir clarified, "a lack of them. The fish population in the lake collapsed and the city lost their main source of food. People moved away and eventually the city succumbed to decay. It's an old story."

They rowed out into the lake and Duo stared. "They overfished this lake?! How?!"

The shores on either side widened rapidly as they pulled clear of the Argonath and the farther end of the lake was nearly invisible.

"The city had a large population."

"Apparently."

Legolas kept watching the shore as they traveled down the western side of the lake, a worried look on his face. "Are you sure the western shore is safe, Aragorn?" he asked. "I sense something that troubles me."

"Orcs patrol the eastern shore," Aragorn replied. "It would be better to cross the lake at night."

"But if there are orcs," Heero said, "we might get into a fight. I think we should go to the eastern shore."

"Sheesh!" Duo shook his head. "You _still_ need to fight?"

"I just don't see any point in running from a perfectly good opportunity for a fight. Better to just face your enemies and finish them off."

"That's the right attitude, if you ask me," Gimli put in.

"But we would be vastly outnumbered by any enemy we are likely to face," Aragorn pointed out. "It is better not to take the risk. We'll stop on the western shore and wait for nightfall before crossing the lake."

They continued down the lake until a towering spire rose into view, with the spray of the waterfall foaming up on either side. At the crumbled remains of an old pier, Aragorn finally put ashore and they pulled the boats up onto a gravel beach.

"We should eat," Quatre said. "If we're going to continue after dark, it may be awhile before we get dinner."

"I agree," said Aragorn. "It should be safe to start a fire, but no one should wander off alone."

"Perhaps you should have mentioned that before Frodo wandered off," Alexa said.

"What?!" Sam looked around in alarm. "Where is Frodo?!"

"I just told you!" Alexa rolled her eyes. "He wandered off." She pointed. "That way."

"Was no one watching?!" Gimli exclaimed.

"I was!" Alexa threw up her arms. "Why else would I know he went that way?! Goodness gracious but you grownups are useless today! Come on, Jett. Let's go get him."

"Alexa, wait!" Zechs called out, but the two girls were already dashing away up the leaf-covered slope. "Dammit!" He hurried after them.

"Maybe we should have asked her if she saw where Boromir went, too," Wu-Fei said. "He's also gone."

"What?" Aragorn's eyes narrowed. "I'll look for him. Everyone else please stay here."

"This isn't good," Legolas said worriedly. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Good!" Heero snarled. "Maybe it means we'll finally get to fight."


	14. Finally! A Fight!

Chapter 14: **Finally! A Fight!**

"This isn't good!" Legolas exclaimed worriedly. "The bad feeling I have is getting worse."

"Maybe it's the smell," Roku said.

"What?"

"I smell mud, old blood, drool and some kind of slime. It's not a good smell. Maybe that's what's bothering you."

"I don't smell anything," Legolas said testily, "I just feel like something's not right. We shouldn't stay here. Gimli, let's go after Aragorn. We need to cross the lake now."

"You elves are a twitchy lot, but sometimes your instincts are good," Gimli conceded. "I think I'm with you on this one."

The two of them trotted off in the direction Aragorn had taken, their weapons at the ready.

Quatre frowned. "Roku, go find the source of that smell. Gimli may be right that Legolas is twitchy, but he's sensed stuff none of the rest of us have before."

"Ok, Mama." Roku bounded away into the trees, taking a direction no one else had.

Quatre turned to the others. "All right. Let's operate on the assumption that something is about to go hideously wrong. Heero, Wu-Fei, and Trowa, take the perimeter. Treize, go back up Zechs. Hadeya, stay here and keep an eye on the hobbits. Duo, can you hear anything?"

Duo frowned, his brow wrinkled in concentration. "I think there's something coming this way, but it's still too far to pick up anything other than a general sense of creepiness." He turned in the direction Roku had gone. "But I think it's coming from that direction."

"All right. See if you can communicate that to Aragorn. And try to find Frodo. I'm going to fly after Roku. Let's go!" He shifted into falcon form and swooped away. The others dashed off, leaving Hadeya alone with Merry, Pippin and Sam.

"Shouldn't we go after them?" Merry asked anxiously. "Frodo might be in trouble!"

"No, we're staying right here," Hadeya said. "We can retreat in the boats if necessary."

"But what if orcs can swim?" Pippin fretted. "They'll just tip over the boats and drown us!"

Hadeya rolled his eyes. "Very well, let's hide." He led them into the trees to find a safe place to hunker down. "You two hide there," he ordered, directing Pippin and Merry into a crevice in some rocks overgrown with bushes. "We'll be over here," and he caught Sam by the shoulder and shoved him into another crevice, wedging himself in next to him.

"I really think we should go look for Mr. Frodo!" Sam said worriedly.

"Try not to worry, Sam," Hadeya said patiently. "Duo is looking for him. He'll be fine."

"Um…" Sam stammered. "Forgive me for saying it, but Mr. Duo doesn't seem the most reliable member of the group."

Hadeya chuckled. "Usually that's true, but when it comes down to a fight, there aren't many people you can trust more at your back. Duo comes through when it counts, trust me."

Farther up the hill, Alexa pointed across the leaf strewn, boulder covered slope. "There he is. Frodo is with Boromir." As she, Jett and Zechs watched, Boromir suddenly jumped on Frodo and knocked him down. Alexa blinked. "I didn't know Boromir liked boys."

Zechs frowned. "I don't think that's it, Alexa."

Suddenly, Boromir yelped in pain and fell back. In the same instant, Frodo vanished.

"Dammit!" Zechs exclaimed. "He put the ring on! How are we supposed to find him now without Roku or Duo?"

Jett craned her neck, looking up the hill. "He went that way," she said.

Zechs smacked his forehead. "Why do I keep forgetting that? You can find anyone, Jett." He picked her up. "Show me the way, please." He started up the hill, but they hadn't gotten very far when there was a shout behind them.

"Zechs!"

They all turned to watch Treize bounding up the hill behind them.

"Quatre thinks there's going to be trouble!" Treize reported when he caught up with them. "He's put us on alert. Where's Frodo?"

"He just put the ring on and ran up the hill." Zechs hooked a thumb at Boromir, who was sitting morosely on the ground where Frodo had pushed him. "Boromir there lost it and tried to grab the ring. Frodo took off. I was about to have Jett take me to him."

Treize nodded. "Ok. I'll deal with Boromir. You three get Frodo and take him back to the boats."

"Right." Zechs hurried off with Alexa and Jett while Treize walked over to Boromir.

"So, Boromir," Treize said casually, "couldn't resist the lure of the ring anymore?"

Boromir wiped a shaking hand across his face. "I could do so much for my people with that ring," he whispered. "We could cast down Sauron once and for all."

"And then rise up in his place, twisted into an evil parody of yourself." Treize sat down next to him. "Really, you're better off without it."

Boromir looked around. "Where do you suppose Frodo went?"

"Don't worry about it," Treize replied. "You need to think about yourself. Do you honestly think you can continue to be around the ring?"

"No." Boromir shuddered and shook his head. "It calls out to me. Even in my sleep I can hear it. It taints my dreams with visions of conquest and power."

"That sounds like a Zero System," Treize muttered. He patted Boromir's hand. "I understand that we are not all that far from your home."

"That's right. It's just a few days downriver from here, once you get down the waterfall."

"Maybe it would be better if you went home. You could tell your father about our plan to destroy the ring."

Boromir shook his head. "I'm not sure Father would approve. He is positive that we men of Gondor are the only ones who can withstand the might of Sauron. He will insist that I bring the ring to him." He sighed. "Maybe I should go look for my little brother. It seems like the only time I'm happy is when we're together, even if it's in the middle of a bloody fight."

"You could do that," Treize said. "But right now, let's head back to the boats. Hadeya is alone with the hobbits and he probably wouldn't mind some backup. We think there's trouble coming."

"Very well." Boromir pushed to his feet and accompanied Treize back down the slope.

Up the hill, Duo caught up with Zechs and the girls. His face was grim. "Zechs! Take the girls back down right now! There's some evil shit heading this way! I'll get Frodo." He bounded past them as Zechs scooped Alexa up in his other arm and sprinted back down the hill.

At the top of the slope, on a hilltop studded with stone ruins, Aragorn had found Frodo. Their heartfelt conversation was interrupted by two things: one, Aragorn noticed that Frodo's sword was glowing blue, and two, Quatre the falcon swooped down beside them, shimmering back into human form as he landed.

"Look sharp!" Quatre shouted. "There's a mothering big force of monster soldiers heading this way!"

Aragorn snatched his sword from its sheath. "Run, Frodo!"

Frodo dashed down the hill, sprinting past Duo, who raced up to stop beside Aragorn and Quatre.

"I keep hearing the name Uruk-hai," Duo said breathlessly. "That must be what they are. From the feel of their thoughts, they're a better quality orc, I think. They sound smarter. But there sure are a lot them."

"There's a shitload of them," Quatre responded. "I saw them from the air."

Roku came bounding up to them. "They're on my tail! Can I attack them now?"

"Yes!"

The Uruk-hai broke from the trees, overrunning the hilltop. Roku tore into them with a fury, bashing open heads and disemboweling stomachs with mighty swipes of his paws. Quatre blasted them with balls of fire and Aragorn dove in with his sword, hacking off limbs indiscriminately. Duo plunged into the fray as well with a knife in each hand, and then they were joined by Legolas and Gimli, each applying their weapons with grim efficiency.

"Where are the others, Duo?" Quatre shouted.

"Heero and Wu-Fei have their hands full over that way!" Duo waved a hand wildly to his left. "Trowa's over there somewhere and he's pretty busy, too!" He pointed off to the right. "Everyone else is out of the fight at the moment."

Crouched in their hiding places, the hobbits and Hadeya saw Frodo dash by, sliding haphazardly down the slope in a desperate attempt to both stay out of sight and stay ahead of the Uruk-hai. Without thinking, Merry and Pippin popped out of their hiding place. Hadeya slapped his forehead as hoarse shouts indicated they had been seen.

"Run!" Merry shouted, and the two of them dashed away, purposely going in a different direction than Frodo had gone.

"Those idiots!" Hadeya snapped. "Don't move, Sam!" he ordered and slid out of the crevice, racing after the other two hobbits.

Sam stayed where he was for a good heartbeat and then slithered off down the hill after Frodo.

Skittering along just ahead of their pursuers, Pippin threw a frightened look behind them. "I don't think this was a good idea, Merry! They're catching up!"

"Just keep running!" Merry shouted.

But just when it looked like they were going to get caught, Treize and Boromir appeared with drawn swords, slashing at the pursuing Uruk-hai savagely. Relieved, Merry and Pippin skidded to a halt and joined the fight, applying their recently acquired skill in swordsmanship. There were a lot of Uruk-hai, though, and Treize started to get worried.

"We could use some backup!" he called to Boromir.

Boromir immediately lifted his horn to his lips and blew three quick blasts.

Hadeya appeared almost right away. "Sorry, I got held up after those fool hobbits took off on me!" He jumped into the fight without hesitation, but the sheer number of Uruk-hai soon forced the group apart, with Hadeya and Treize getting split off from Boromir and the hobbits.

"Dammit!" Treize exclaimed when Boromir's horn sounded again. "I can't see the others anymore!"

Trowa arrived, bashing in heads with his staff. "Man, there are a lot of these things! I couldn't hold the perimeter!"

Roku came bounding through the trees with Aragorn right on his tail, but he didn't stop to help. He blazed past, going toward where they'd last heard Boromir's horn. Then a flood of Uruk-hai suddenly streamed by, with Heero and Wu-Fei in hot pursuit.

"Quit running, you cowards!" Heero shouted. "A bunch of you still have heads!" He managed to whack off a head as he said this, but the remaining Uruk-hai put on more speed, slowly outdistancing them.

"They're going to where Boromir and the hobbits are!" Treize cried and they all ran after the Uruk-hai.

But the Uruk-hai were much too fast. The Gundam pilots could keep up with them, but not catch them. However, after chasing them just a short way, they stopped, because they came across Boromir lying on the ground with arrows sticking out of his chest. Aragorn crouched over him, murmuring words of encouragement.

"That's not good," Trowa said. "Where's Roku? He could fix that."

Legolas, Gimli, Quatre and Duo arrived, all of them smeared with black Uruk-hai blood.

"I think Boromir is dying," Trowa said to Quatre. "Can you do anything about it?"

"I don't know." Quatre knelt down beside Boromir and Aragorn. "Roku's better with near death than I am. Duo, can you get him?" He put a hand on Boromir's chest and murmured under his breath in Latin.

Duo nodded. "Already done. He's on his way back."

"Where are Merry and Pippin?" Treize looked around worriedly.

"They took them!" Boromir gasped. "They took the little ones!"

Roku came bounding back, sliding to a stop next to Boromir. "_Sagitta apage!_" he cried and the arrows disappeared from Boromir's body. Then he touched his nose to Boromir's chest. "_Bene corpus_."

Boromir gasped loudly. "What…?" he wheezed. He put an incredulous hand on his chest. "What did you do?"

"I fixed it, mostly," Roku said. He looked up. "Mama, the Uruk-hai have Merry and Pippin. I couldn't catch up with them on foot. We'd have to fly."

Quatre scowled. "Just the two of us wouldn't be enough. Who wants to be a bird?"

Everyone regarded him in complete silence.

Quatre snorted. "I figured as much. Well, you lot can run. I'm flying. Where's everyone else?"

Duo closed his eyes. "Well, that's inconvenient."

"What now?"

"Sam and Frodo are crossing the lake. Zechs just got there with Alexa and Jett. He doesn't want to go after them with the girls or leave the girls alone on the beach."

"We must go after them!" Legolas said. "We can't let the Fellowship fail!"

Aragorn shook his head. "We can't go with Frodo anymore. The ring is too powerful." He glanced at Boromir, who closed his eyes with a deep sigh. "We will have to trust them on their own. And I do not want to leave Merry and Pippin in the hands of the Uruk-hai."

"I'll go after Sam and Frodo," Hadeya said. "I was supposed to watch the hobbits and I managed to lose all four of them." He frowned unhappily. "I'll make sure they get to Mordor safely."

"Thank you, Hadeya," Aragorn said. "We should go get the rest of our supplies and gear from the beach. Then we will go after Merry and Pippin. The Uruk-hai will go to Isengard. If we run without stopping, we should be able to catch them before they get there."

"That's a good plan," Heero said. "Let's go."

"Just how far is it to Isengard from here?" Duo asked Legolas as they hurried back to the beach.

"Two hundred leagues, maybe."

"That's pretty far. He expects us to run there without stopping?"

"We can do it," Legolas said, puffing his chest out confidently.

"You sleep too much anyway," Heero said. He smacked the back of Duo's head. "Quit whining."

"I wasn't whining! I was just stating a fact."

Back at the beach, Boromir, breathing heavily, sat down next to his shield which he had, inconveniently, left behind. "I'm sorry," he gasped, "but I'm already winded! I don't think I'll be able to go with you."

"That's understandable," Quatre said. "You did just have a couple of arrows puncture your lungs. We'd have to spend more time to fix all the damage properly."

Boromir sighed. "Maybe I will take Treize's advice and make my way home."

Aragorn patted his shoulder. "Good idea. We will meet up with you there later, for I think it likely that we will find ourselves battling before the gates of Minas Tirith ere this is over."

Hadeya snagged a few supplies and climbed into one of the canoes. "I'll keep in touch through Duo. I think if we are focused on each other, you should be able to here me even over a great distance."

Duo winked and nodded. "I think so. We do know each other pretty well."

"Too well!" Heero growled under his breath.

Hadeya pushed his boat into the water, hopped in and paddled away.

"Well then," Aragorn said, "we have our task cut out for us and it won't be easy. But I think we are equal to it. Let us make haste." He sprinted away with Legolas and Gimli close behind.

"This whole quest is ridiculously haphazard," Wu-Fei complained. "At least the last quest we went on had a plan of sorts."

"Oh yeah," Heero rolled his eyes. "Trekking across country to answer a riddle so we could trek across country somewhere else and do it again. That was a great plan."

"It worked, didn't it?" Wu-Fei retorted. "We found the Grail."

"But we didn't know that until it turned up among Roku's playthings!"

"That still counts. But my point is that we don't even have that much on this quest. We're just running around blundering from one disaster to the next."

"So you two should quit arguing so we can get on to the next disaster," Trowa chuckled.

"Yeah, Aragorn and the others are really booking," Duo added. "We should probably get moving before we really have to push to catch up with them." He dropped to one knee. "Hop on Jett. Your legs are a little short for this kind of running." The little girl climbed onto his back and he hooked his arms under her legs as he stood up.

"You, too, Alexa," Zechs said and he knelt down so she could climb on.

"I'll make sure you guys stay on track," Quatre said, and he shimmered into his falcon form and flew away.

"Oh, like Roku couldn't do that with his nose," Duo said. "He's just too lazy to run."

"Flying's hard work," Roku said. "I'd rather run."

"Let's go," Treize said, and the group raced off in the direction Aragorn had gone.

When they caught up, Trowa pointed Quatre out to Aragorn. "Quatre is going to watch them for us and keep us on the right path."

"That will help," Aragorn said. "I won't have to stop and track them if we lose the trail."

"If he can see them," Gimli panted, "can he tell if the hobbits are still being held captive?"

"I'll ask," Duo said. His eyes lost focus for a moment. "He says yes, he can see them. He doesn't want to get too close because some of the Uruk-hai have bows, though, so he can't tell if they're conscious or not."

"The Uruk-hai won't kill them," Aragorn said, his voice grim. "The enemy knows a hobbit has the ring. Saruman is trying to recover it, undoubtedly without telling his minions what the hobbits are carrying."

"Maybe we should have let him have it," Treize said.

"What?!" Aragorn exclaimed, so surprised he stumbled for a few steps.

"Think about it," Treize said. "The ring is incredibly good at corrupting people and Saruman has already turned to the dark side, so to speak. If the ring were in his possession, what is the likelihood he would return it to Sauron rather than claim it for himself? And if he did that, wouldn't that force Sauron to turn his forces on Saruman, rather than on Gondor and the other countries of the West?"

"Um…" Aragorn blinked several times.

"That is a likely scenario," Legolas said, "but Saruman could never stand against the forces of Mordor, and when he fell, Sauron would recover the ring."

"Aye," Gimli nodded. "While it's always a good option to let one's enemies destroy each other, I think the elf is right on this one."

"Perhaps you're right," Treize said. "You know this world better than I do."

At sunset, Quatre came gliding in for a landing. Aragorn called a halt when he shimmered back into human form.

"Do they show any sign of stopping for the night, Quatre?" Aragorn asked.

"No," Quatre shook his head. "They're running just as hard now as when they took off. You haven't gained on them at all."

"What of the hobbits?" Gimli asked worriedly.

"I think they're all right. I saw one of them moving. Anyway, I don't see as well at night, so we'll have to rely on Roku's nose until morning."

"We should keep moving," Legolas said. "We don't want to give them any more of a lead than they already have."

"I agree," said Zechs, "but we still need to be able to fight when we catch them. We can't run ourselves into the ground."

"It's all in the pacing," Wu-Fei said. "A nice steady lope will eat up the miles without tiring us. Of course, they'll still outnumber us when we do catch up."

"Yeah, but now I'm mad," Heero growled. "They won't be running off to avoid getting slaughtered next time."

"That's the spirit!" Gimli cried. He lumbered off at a shambling run.

"That isn't much of a lope," Trowa remarked.

"He's got short legs," Legolas snickered. "I think that's the best we're going to get."

The rest of the group broke into a run and within strides, everyone had passed Gimli.

Far behind them, Hadeya, Sam and Frodo stood on top of a craggy ridge, staring across jagged slopes and sheer canyons toward the distant mountains of Mordor, tinged red beneath a perpetual overcast of soot from Mount Doom.

"That volcano is where we're going?" Hadeya asked.

"Yes," Frodo replied solemnly.

"That's quite a long way," Hadeya noted.

Sam heaved a sigh. "We may as well get started. It's going to take days to get across these ridges." He sniffed. "And I reckon there's a nasty bog beyond them, judging by that reek."

Hadeya sighed as well. "I think I'm going to be wishing for a battle with ice giants before this is over."

The three of them started down the slope on the long walk to Mordor.

-o- The End -o-

_And thus ends the first part of the Lord of the Gundams trilogy! Part 2, The Two Gundams, will chronicle the exciting middle filler section of the Lord of the Rings with more filler! Stay tuned!_


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